We are hot but still single. Why girls from generation Y have problems tying the knot.

in life •  2 years ago

Half of today’s girls in their twenties won’t get married? What’s stopping us?

Weddings across the world are on an all time low and generation Y, born between the 19080s and early 2000s, are not contributing to any change in these figures. A lot of older people say that our generation is just incapable of keeping a relationship. Tinder or other dating apps make it so easy to constantly look for new connections.

One could say that girls from generation Y are perfectionist, they love themselves and are looking for fulfillment. That leads us to the problem that we just can’t find the right partner to stick around for longer.

Girls from generation Y “consume” people!

Since we are always looking for self-fulfillment we’re not able to build long lasting relationships. We are so focused on us that nobody else can fill the whole in or life. We are constantly looking for the better. Better shoes, better smartphones a better job and the perfect sex. Yes, sex these days is easy to get. Maybe that was always the case, who knows. But these days it doesn’t mean that we need to stick around.

The illusion of the perfect love that’s in our head is nowhere to find. That’s what rattles us and makes us move on and on and on… We just can’t stop looking.

What contributes to that behavior? Let’s have a look:

We are known as the self-focused “me, me” generation

We put ourselves first, all the time. This behavior could be formed through the world we grew up in. We are used to be handed things and to be given opportunities. We were basically rewarded for just being here.
Well, let me tell you something. Life doesn’t hand out rewards for those who just participate. You have to earn money, friendships and love. Being too focused on ourselves creates a barrier between you and the rest of the world. It seems that we’re not good listeners and prefer to do things on our own. Unfortunately, only team works creates relationships and if you still think that you can do it better on your own, then that’s the reason why you are still single.

“Gen Y is really quite distince from Gen X; it’s really self-involved and very narcissist – their cameras are filled with pictures of themselves; Facebook, it’s about me. It’s a generation that’s been pampered by their parents and their schools, given prizes for just taking part.”

                                   Marcus Buckingham 

We don’t know how to be with others

Growing up in a digital world, having access to all the information online, ruins the concept of socializing. Dating apps, websites and social media sites have given as access to an abnormal amount of connections that we will never be able to nurture. It can sometimes be shocking to realize that while having the ability to connect with millions of people across the world, we are not getting to know each other closer. There has never been a time where meeting new people was that easy but it seems that we have too many options.

relationship

We keep thinking that there must be something better. The technology that enables us to communicate with hundreds of people is manipulating our social behavior massively. We start texting people while eating dinner with friends, we post status updates on Facebook to get likes and comments from “friends” to feel valued. One could say that love is hard to find these days because our attentions span might last for 30 seconds. Then we scroll down in the Facebook newsfeed and move on with our life… Alone..
We only trust ourselves

Your friends is telling you something and you won’t believe it because you can just google the answer. Trust is hard to gain these days because there are so many ways to cheat. Cheating is made easy. Cheating is very hard to prove sometimes and that means that we are reluctant to trust one another. Why do so many girls check the phone from their boyfriend? Hm? Because they don’t trust him. Our generation is skeptical and doesn’t believe what others say. We have to be sure and proof every piece of information.

“I am part of a vast generation of people who perpetually live life as if they just graduated from college”

                                  Jonathan Ames

We give up to easily

Your last relationship lasted for 3 months? Congratulations. You’re not doing too bad. Girls from generation Y fall in love easily and then give up fairly quickly when they don’t like what they see. We are just used to getting what we want and if we don’t get it, we will start again. The problem of our generation is that we are spoiled in many ways and therefore can’t appreciate things that easily. It’s harder for us to see the good side of a relationship because we keep looking for the perfect match. The perfect match doesn’t exist but we’re persistent to keep looking because we also think that we have more time. Nobody is rushing us to get married. Why buys a house if you can rent that easily? Having kids? Come on, I want to enjoy my 20s. The list goes on and on and on.. before we forget.. we’re 38 years old and still alone.

We shouldn’t forget to make time for others and not just take a look at someone’s profile to check if they are ok. We should take the time and try to make the relationship work, not giving up when it gets harder and we have to remember that there are good people out there that are looking for us too.

I know this text is generalizing generation Y a lot but I’d be interested to hear your thoughts because I think that this is certainly a topic a lot of people in our generation can relate to.

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Thanks for the article! I enjoyed reading about this a lot.

As a female in generation Y I couldn't agree more with the hesitation of marriage and settling. I am not sure if it has to do with being spoiled we have different challenges then other generations, it is just different and shouldn't be compared (even though it is). But I agree with the connection and expansion of choice and how it feels like there is too many options. One thing I really think effects us when it comes to relationships is just the fear watching our parents generation. If they call us the "self focused me, me" generation I would call them the "divorce generation". I don't think they should be looking at us and judging us when we reach a certain age and still aren't married. How about look at yourself and how you did things out of social pressure and keeping up with the joneses and now your unhappy. I am also generalizing but everyone wants to point fingers at everyone else and tell them how to live their lives, is how they did it perfect? I really don't think so. For us we are now going forward and becoming a more independent generation especially as females which will come with its own and different challenges. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and we will not be perfect either. I just think do what is right for you, it may be uncomfortable at times or others may judge but at the end of the day it is your life.

All the best xo excited to read more posts.

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Wow, thanks for the great comment. Glad to hear that you enjoyed reading it. +1 on becoming more independent in our decision making!

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A very interesting and honest account of the inside feeling in your generation and sex !! Ofcourse being a man in his early fities i can see that all that you say is true in the said " Y " generation. But you must understand something maybe you dont truly realise..... that is you and even me are being herded like sheep, manipulated by our surroundings and our environment created by our " owners " our " social engineers " the ones which firstly give us the tools to be pushed down their pipe of control !! I found particularly interesting this part of your post " The technology that enables us to communicate with hundreds of people is manipulating our social behavior massively. " as its so true that the emergence of computers and the so called smart phones have put us all out to dry on the proverbial washing line, fixed to a place that we believe we chose to be but in fact nothing could be further from the truth as very little in our lives stem from our true souls, instead we follow the tendencies set by others, our peers,facebook friends, magazines, films etc !! We must i believe see this truth, break these invisible chains of social engineers which prevent us from experiencing our own personal destiny and true life plan !! But in the current climate i wish you luck !! regards from a man who knew another world before this one !!

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I think this comment makes a lot of sense coming from a man in his early 50s. Gen x and y are a little bit opposite though in the sense that they are constantly trying to find more fulfillment out of life and changing lifestyle/social groups/careers so often that gen x and gen y rarely actually get to a point of attaining or sustaining the happiness and fulfillment that they are looking for.

A big part of the problem is that, that is exactly what we were told as kids. I'm gen x and it was bad in ours and worse in y.

"Follow your dreams!"
"You can be whatever you want to be"

Statements like these, that most parents/grade school teachers feed their kids/student are imo a fairly large issue. Because the fact is, that is a straight up lie. Very few people actually end up doing what they dreamed of doing as a kid. Granted, being superman when you grow up is a fairly lofty goal, even the more seemingly realistic dreams of kids are almost always destined to fail.

Another issue is that we degrade and condescend lines of work we actually need, ie plumbing and food service, and the reality is, not everyone can be a doctor or lawyer. And it's a problem that we falsely give hope to tons of new college entrants, when probably, a good portion of the time, their time and money wouldve have been better spent on learning a trade. I don't even want to count the amount of people I personally know off the top of my head that went to/paid for college and law school only to be bartending/managing restaurants, etc. Literally, 7-9 years of school after high school and several hundred thousand dollars to be working jobs they could have gotten out of high school.

Desirable job markets are so flooded that only people with connections(like daddy got you your first law job as his firm) or that are so far ahead of the game they don't need them are actually getting the jobs they went to all tat school for.

It's who you know, not what you do/know these days.

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Some good points in here, like gomeravbiz, I am a male in my forties and I can see much of what you are describing. I am 20 years older than my youngest sibling, so I see this behavior all the time. I see kids living with their parents until their late twenties and early thirties too. This probably has a lot to do with socializing and finding a mate also.

More importantly, you need to understand the power of working as a team when it comes to being involved in a serious relationship. There is more to life than hanging out with boys or girls for 3 months at a time. You may find that you need someone to count on, someone to lean on, someone to help you through the really tough times that are ahead.

Most importantly, to me, life is all about making connections with people.

Don't let life pass you by!

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If they call us the "self focused me, me" generation I would call them the "divorce generation". I don't think they should be looking at us and judging us when we reach a certain age and still aren't married. How about look at yourself and how you did things out of social pressure and keeping up with the joneses and now your unhappy.

This is a vast over assumption of the actual causation of the symptoms presented. Up until the 1950's the African American divorce rate was lower than that of non-blacks in America. There was a higher widow rate due to lynchings, but these numbers have been obfuscated for obvious reasons. Back then communities in general were more tight knit. Due to the nature of working (parents working multiple jobs), the community looked after the youth. Whereas now, kids are regularly abducted as if it were a business...

The destruction of community trust had led to less support structures for the youth and as such really don't know how to create tight knit family bonds. Most of the baby boomers I've talked with who got divorced vs. those who didn't usually have a vast contrast in the amount of support their friends and family were involved with the marriage.

I really don't think it was "trying to keep up with the joneses", rather than poor uninformed choices because of lack of overall community support in the various family units.

I really like this article I feel it's true in a lot of ways. But I also have mixed feelings on it.

I'm 23 and my longest relationship has been 5 years. At that point i feel like we searched every avenue and tried every way to make it work,. But at some point you have to realize when the person isn't right for you. His life goals weren't following mine the way I feel they should if I were to marry him.

The Divorce rates of the generation behind us, are pretty ugly. I feel that we see that and want to avoid making the same mistake for ourselves.

Also more opportunities, Jobs and other things geared towards Women are coming more and more present. We can make our own money and we don't need a guy to do it for us! We also can spend our money wherever we want it if we are single (Assuming the women and man pay 50/50 for dates and such. I think Generation Y will get married at some point, But much later on rather than sooner. Maybe our thirties will be our time to settle down a little bit .

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" His life goals weren't following mine the way I feel they should if I were to marry him."

This quote is exactly what the article was talking about. You were demanding a specific set of life goals out of your partner. Those are your life goals you were imposing on him. When you find the right person, while you will know the life goals of your partner, you'll never try to interfere or demand more because you will be happy with them in regards to you and your relationship, rather than unhappy about the fact that the things in life they do that make them happy aren't good enough(don't correspond) to match with yours on your terms at your standards. The fact that your partner is happy in their life and goals and treats you and your relationship well and values you and the relationship should be good enough for anyone, trying to get someone to change their life goals for you is manipulative and irresponsible(not saying you personally did this, but the perspective of the situation you have given makes it seem like you spent a lot of time trying to change someone to make your relationship work) and will almost always end poorly.

You're still pretty young though, and your attitude is pretty standard for most 16-25 year old women from gen x or y. At least in my experience.

"Assuming the women and man pay 50/50 for dates and such."

This is extremely rare. Happens, but usually one party pays ime, and it's usually the guy. It isn't really a sexist or misogynistic thing, just that a lot of men were raised with respect and manors by an older generation where that was just what you did. And it still just is kind of common practice as far as I am aware. It's kind of like a guy opening the door or pulling out your seat for you.

"I think Generation Y will get married at some point, But much later on rather than sooner. Maybe our thirties will be our time to settle down a little bit ."

This is happening a lot more, but while sometimes it is settling down later just because you've found the right person, it is just as often that women(and sometimes men as well), at some point in their early 30s, go into desperate biological clock mode/baby fever and make worse decisions about who they choose to reproduce with than they would have at 23. (http://www.alternet.org/story/155103/why_women_(and_men)get%22baby_fever%22)

Again, your post very aptly made the point of this article ring true, definitely an interesting perspective.

If there's only one Larimer, the other 3 billion women are obviously going to have a hard time finding their dream man:

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That's all my Picard for the day (well spent).

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Thankfully, he chose me.

Won’t get married? What’s stopping you? I'll tell you :)

Feminism! Boom, done, thank you.

Got the same problem with my ex, she was nice but always looking for something better, girls nowadays can't commit to a relationship, they have access to too many guys (most of them are liars and will do anything to sleep with them). Girls just keep looking for a better option, till after a big while they find out there is no better option, they try to go back to the best guy they had, but that guy also has too many options now. It's endless.

I would have to strongly disagree with this article. There's a strong use of the word "we" and I don't think that all women from Generation Y can be lumped into the assumptions this article makes.

I, for one, have always dreamed of getting married and starting a life with my partner which would ultimately result in building a family together. Throughout my entire "dating life" I was not always self-centered for focused on "me me me" or finding "Mr. Perfect"; instead I focused on my parter and the life that I wanted to build with that someone. My overall life goals have been strongly focused around a family, not myself.

I do believe that this article made great points for SOMEONE who is focused solely on themselves, but not a whole generation of women

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Stereotypes exist for a reason, and while you may be an exception to the rule, generally, gen y is not as you describe yourself.

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I totally agree!

All I'm saying is , if you like it
Put a ring on it @inboundinken

Dont bother getting married just enjoy yourself..

Preface: Marriage is a poor financial investment so I hope they won't get married

My view:

Girls are finally leveraging their biological effect on men to give themselves some power

- by exploiting their femininity rather than a Boudica-like defeminization. Or a Macbeth like "unsex me dear Gods" [not verbatim]

Men are just as social media obsessed (and generally egocentric, just tend to be less successful because their social value doesn't come from looks enough to a larger extent than with women.

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Agree to some extend but it's not just about getting married or not. It's about being able to commit to a long term relationship. Nobody needs to get married these days but it also feels that a lot of relationships don't even last longer than a couple of months...

Thanks for the comment!

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Humans aren't great at intuitively valuing long-term decisions, so why would it be good to commit to a long-term relationship?

It seems to be optimal to be non-commital, if only for the freedom it grants you.

Each farming season has a crop. Due to various environmental reasons, some crops are a total loss.

The last couple generations (of which I too am a part) remind me of bad farming seasons: Almost total loss... Young and young-ish people are are so bad in a wide spectrum of human activities that it's not even funny. Obviously, relations would be no exception.

I am not sure if I am generation Y, born in 1993. I disagree but admire you observations! I personally think marrying is pointless, I don't want kids, I don't need a ring to be secure, and I am madly in love with out it.

I have been in a relationship for 2 years (prior to that one year). I don't give up in relationships and try my hardest. I never date online and meet all my partners at shows or other social events. Not sure if that proves or has anything to do with this.

I think the world is shifting from the American dream because it's hard to achieve and frankly disappointing to some. You know you have met miserable people, who got married, had kids, have a job, a car, a house, but they seem so miserable. Some people love that life and that is good for them. I personally enjoy living my life for me and not attributing to overpopulation with a child that will not end up having a very good life. I was born poor, I can't afford a marriage, a home, a kid, or anything that seems to make a "successful" adult. I am okay with that and enjoy it. I will keep trying to better my life but for now I will enjoy my home cooked meals with my long term boyfriend, cozy up to my cat and dog, while living how I feel is right!

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You are absolutely gen y.

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good to know thanks!

Looking for a perfect match could well lead to much more successful marriages and a drop in the divorce rate

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If it were that easy... ;-)

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looks like you only post whale gifs everywhere, are you a bot?

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Nice whale animations.

Interesting post. I feel like the ideas in here also apply to guys

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Yep, that could be the case ;)

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Perhaps I am biased, but as a guy who knows a lot of other guys, it is only the egotistical, self-absorbed, selfish guys who think and act like this.

Whether female or male, better to keep a distance from such people as they are unstable.

That is the case in "wealthier" countries due to girls having more chances to "succeed" in life and more rights and equality to men! but In a third world country where are few or in some countries no other options marriage is their only way to "succeed" in life. They look at it as "Mom I got married, you should be proud - I am, I am sooo proud of you!". In countries where is too much corruption, low education, low women rights marriage is booming, but the sad part is, 80% of it isn't because of Love...

Desde que el sexo se hizo más fácil de conseguir, el amor se hizo más difícil de encontrar.

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Great point! Thanks for your comment.

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Si no hay respeto no hay base para una relacion de amor. Entre el sexo y el ritmo de la vida las relaciones se han complicado.
Pero de cierto modo tanta tecnologia nos permite a conocer gente de todo el mundo y quizas asi conocer a la persona adecuada.
Saludos!

Funny enough I was just talking about this subject to a few people, older people.

I don't know about you guys but a lot of people I know are divorced, many with kids. I think this more common now than ever because many (not all) people jump into the whole marriage thing to soon. Or maybe people are just thinking " if it doesn't work then ill just get divorced".

Out of 5 close friends that I have, 2 are divorced on is happy and the other is single and so am I. These marriages did not last more than 3 years!

I think this Y generation may have gotten a little tired of "having to get married". I personally believe that next generations marriages will pick up again but in a more balanced way.

My 2 cents!

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Thanks so much for sharing your opinion on this. That's exactly what I was looking for when I wrote this post. ;)

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After that post I started following you so keep it up!

I'm not much of a writer but part of posting on #steemit is to get better each time.

For now I grow weed in my blog check me out!

Cheers,

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Great! Thanks a lot :) Looking forward to posting more on Steemit.

@inboundinken Excellent post. I learned a lot about the generational gap. A lot of what you say here applies to men as well as women. Get job!

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Thanks @williambanks! Appreciate the nice feedback.

Very usefull.thanks

Very interesting article! I look forward to reading more of your stuff! Please read my post about where to find hot men that are marriage material! https://steemit.com/classy/@lilyolsakovsky/hot-shirtless-men-serenading-you-anyone-interested

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This gets a vote for being hilarious.

Another Lost Generation -
Merely more mortals on the way to the graveyard.
No distinction. No Illumination.

This was a very interesting and insightful read.

I'd like to suggest anybody who sees my reply to go Google "mouse utopia experiment" and see what I mean when I say what I'm about to say...

I believe that we as human beings have essentially created our very own "mouse utopia" thanks to technology and the dawn of the Internet which gave birth to this thing we now simply call Social Media. Which is essentially an umbrella term for a variety of different social platforms which incorporate, well, media.

People in general from both sides have become disposable and the utilitarian mindset has been amplified to extreme heights compared to what it used to be back when we had to rely on eachother to get by and flourish; now we simply don't have to... for the most part.

It's too easy to just dump someone who you don't see fit either because they've disagreed with you on something frivolous, they don't do what you say, they won't give you what you want when you want it and how you want it! It's too simple now to just say "alright, bye then... I'll find someone who will, you're not important enough to be wasting my time."

I believe this will only get worse until finally we either learn our lesson and correct course or destroy our very social fabric and potentially take society down with it. Of course those who survive will pick up the pieces and rebuild but who is to say the cycle won't simply repeat?

Perhaps this is far-fetched and no doubt will seem like absolute garbage and impossible to some but the writing is on the wall and all you have to do is read it.

Women used to get married to have babies because they needed to get married to have babies. Today women don't need to get married, they can be a working single mum, in most western countries they may also choose to raise their child through government benefits which are much higher than they used to be, and there is no longer any social stigma to being a single mum. At the same time, lower standards of living mean that one paycheck cannot usually give a family a decent standard of living, so the appeal of getting married to be a stay at home wife (which may not be everyone's cup of tea but will obviously appeal to some) is largely gone.

I think it is those reasons, not the selfishness of generation Y, which are mostly responsible for less people getting married.

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"Today women don't need to get married, they can be a working single mum, in most western countries they may also choose to raise their child through government benefits which are much higher than they used to be, and there is no longer any social stigma to being a single mum."

This has been proven to be detrimental to the development of children, having both parents is important. This is another perspective of selfishness, at the point that you are having kids you should be thinking about their welfare, not about whether it's acceptable or not. Also, being a single mom means you're going to have to leave your kids to work, right? Meaning they get even less direct interaction with their parents. Finally, planning to use government benefits to support your kids is insanely irresponsible. You should not have kids that you cannot personally support.

In case I am not getting back to your comment, I am in European time zone. That means it's now bed time for me. Thanks for everybody's up vote so far. :))

so many princesses still waiting for prince on white horse :]

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Haha! Yeah, we all like to live on a farm and see a prince with a white horse coming to pick us up :)

You'll change your mind when you hit around 26/27

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This is the best comment on this thread, and is what I am thinking in every post here I read that posted by a gen y'er disagreeing with any of the original post of this thread. But in regards to the article, the analysis seems to ring more true the older I get.

Yip, gen Y is still in their prime days and can claim to be "hot". But be careful​ to be single and not that "hot" anymore. Life is short.

It also has to do with higher education and being busy with better careers. It's not a bad thing.

I agree with you @inboundinken, traditions and cultures are fading away. It could be due to what they see and hear from the community. People are busy building their empire of success and forgot about how to establish a good family. Not all, there are still ladies who still wanted to establish a good family, a good relationship, they are the so-called wife material. We could not just blame those who do not because maybe that's how they were brought up by their parents. Not that their parents wanted them to become like that but due to the desires of giving them a good future, they devote most of their time in making earnings because of the desire to give a good life to their children not knowing that by doing so they miss the most important thing in life, relationship.

I think it's because of media saturation - people all want someone who look like hollywood celebrities but how many of us actually look like that, especially without the makeup and special effects?

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Wow! Valid point here. The media controls us much more than we think. Thanks for the comment. :)

The post describes perfectly the problem, but it is too happening to men, it is an ill called selfishness, and it is destroying us

This sounds a lot like it was written by a man.

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Nope, way too polite in it's negativity to be written by a guy.

nice one

It is definitely generalizing generation Y! I cannot agree with any of the points you mention, but then again, I think it has to do with culture, our upbringing and our personality. It has become easier to find people to have sex with, but that is the difference between "having sex" and "making love". If you dont take risks you dont get rewards. Just like #steemit, you took a chance and went for it. You should be able to give a chance to guys. There is no perfect guy out there. Not even you or me are perfect. Just be with someone who makes you laugh and you have things in common with. Good luck @inboundinken ! :)

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Any explanation of what points or why you can't agree with them? From my experience with girls in gen x and gen y(and with a lot of boys as well), most of this article is directly on point. You wouldn't happen to be under the age of 25 would you? A real relationship needs to do more than just make you laugh, and lots of times better relationships are had with people you have less in common with(as people are naturally competitive and it can add to tension fairly easily), you should look for a relationship where your partner inspires you to be better, and supports you in all your endeavors, whether or not they are perfectly inline with what they want to do.

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@ktmgen no i am not under 25. I am older. The article mentions being selfish, thinking about oneself, always posting selfies on facebook. "Needing" to feel valued by friends to make them feel better. Being spoiled and "having it all given to you". Maybe that is generation Y in the United States. Maybe that is why I cant agree with any of the points. In Europe where I am from, we are taught to respect ourselves and be caring toward others. That is why I mentioned it might be a cultural difference. I am a great listener, in fact i would rather listen than talk. I am one of the least selfish people, and i have always had long-term relationships. In fact, i have only had three relationships. Just like anything in life, you get what you put into it. If you put effort and work towards something you will succeed. We can all agree to disagree. No problem with that :)

The only difference in a relationship and a marriage is pretty much a piece of paper. You are committed to one another, have yo constantly work at the relationship, and most importantly, you have to grow together.

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I am in Europe a lot. In fact, right now I am in Switzerland, and I still see the same shit. The girls I know in the UK and Belgium being the worst/most blatantly self objectifying/selfish of the bunch.

Marriage has a ton of social/tax benefits as far as it goes, so not just paper. It also helps in the psychological development of children to have two parents that are married(as this is what society dictates a child should be born into).

There are always exceptions to stereotypes, and you may be one of them, but also, if you're older than 25 your kind of border lining/passing into gen x anyway, and there are some vast differences between the two with the development of social media that was kind of starting for gen x, but very well established already for gen y.

my opinion on this; is that the generation y woman has in some way lost what is called traditional, social and the whole concept of the biblican believe of respect tha they are surpose to give a man is no longer practice. sometimes i do think that tecnological advancement has lead to some of this outcome of woman not getting to find a man to settle with

I wish you an out of this world kind of relationship. I just went to Area 51.

https://steemit.com/area/@steve-mcclair/area-51-steemit-has-arrived#comments

We can not give the right of choice. We think too long;)

"The perfect match doesn’t exist but we’re persistent to keep looking because we also think that we have more time" That is the truth my dear. Nice post

Wow thats alot to take in so intriguing

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Take your time :) It's worth it

Excellent observations and insight into the mind of a Gen Y female. I could never quite put my finger on this, but I think the current teenage generation may also share some of these challenges when it comes to choices and influences in life. BRAVO!

I think many of your statements concerning our generation are right but the way I see it, it's less a problem of managing relationships than coming to desicions in general. As you have already mentioned we always claim better conditions, experiences, contacts... we avoid making important decisions such as choosing a job or just a city to study. Although there is talk of mobility and unlimited chances we bound ourselves in escaping from decisions. Nevertheless I think that it's also a kind of achievement of our time that we are enabled to do what we want and to care of our thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's more a problem of generally not-knowing what to do than a sign of narcism or egocentrism. Don't you think that too many options can overcharge young people a lot? Don't get me wrong - I really think that everyone should be responsible for her/ his decisions regardless of whether he or she is twenty, thirty or fifty. In the end we all have to think about our actions and we have to live with the consequences.

you have been hurt and didn't bond during childhood.
that makes the heart energy close down. simple as that.

With each generation comes new challenges. I have never understood why people want to turn the negativity on to Gen Y. Baby Boomers were getting married at a young age and popping out children, just like humans, relationships evolve. It's a new era, tattoos are the norm, piercings are decoration, and single women are not to be looked down on, but (and this is coming from a woman who is married herself) to be looked up to.

Being single is empowering, you should never feel bad for wanting to spend time worshiping yourself. Yes, I said it, WORSHIPING. You deserve it. You feel pretty today? Document it! People will always dislike things they do not understand and are not open to understanding. It scares them, especially with a lot of the older women in the world. I get it, they are from a different generation.

Independent women are nothing new, but the abundance of them now are. We make our voices heard in times when prior to evolving generations, men told us to shush. We stand and say no, we put our foot down, and we do not settle.

For every 20 something out there who is being told anything negative about how they are living their life, if you are happy, you do you.

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"Being single is empowering, you should never feel bad for wanting to spend time worshiping yourself. Yes, I said it, WORSHIPING. You deserve it. You feel pretty today? Document it!"

This is exactly the issues the article brought up. While i totally support and am attracted to confident, successful women, the amount of narcism in the perspective you are giving is pretty gnarly.

Another issue is that when you tell people to be selfish and narcissistic because they are strong, beautiful women

(or men, but generally we are taught not to brag/condescend/be narcissistic), is that you cause them to think being selfish and constantly changing their lives in hopes to attain something better, and then, 10 years down the line they realize that all they did was avoid what was making them unhappy. But at that point, the beauty is fading and the options are drastically minimized in comparison to 10 years prior and you realize you're fucked and have to settle for something worse than if you had just dealt with the source of your unhappiness and non contentment in the first place.

I don't understand the need to feel pretty at all though, and I am happy with my fiance when she is happy with herself, and if that means she needs to put on makeup or whatever then cheers to her, but I think there is a better way to address poor confidence and self worth in children, entirely avoiding this situation later in life.

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The problem is telling women they can't be selfish or appreciate themselves because it is wrong. I feel like calling it narcissism is unfair, why is it wrong for me to appreciate the fact that I think I am a pretty individual? Why is wrong for me to document a day that I felt particularly beautiful? Why is it wrong for want to take time for myself? I am assuming you think that I mean you should act this way 100% of the time and let vanity run your life, I do not believe that, but I do believe in worshipping yourself. How can you feel confident and go out and get what you want unless you worship your own being? That does not mean you have to be covered head to toe in makeup and the finest clothes, it simply means that you are fully happy with your self. You don't have to build a shrine of yourself to worship your own body.

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Well, for me, my confidence stems from what I am capable of and being able to do all of the things that make me happy. I don't look in mirrors super often, have never felt the need to be pretty, nor does my phone or camera contain any selfies/photos of just myself at all. I don't think that women can't be selfish or shouldn't feel pretty. In fact, I feel that everyone should be content with who they are, and everyone needs to be selfish at some points in their lives.

I'm talking about almost every girl I know and the fact that I can take any of their phones, go through their photos, and find more selfies/nude pics/self-degrading shit that they may or may not have taken and sent to other people for gratification. Does that really make anyone feel pretty? It seems more objectifying to me personally, and I don't really know where it stems from, but I do not think it is good for anyone to be getting their self satisfaction that way.

IMO, you need to find things and people in life that make you feel pretty and confident just by being around them, and if you don't know the types of people I am talking about, you haven't met the right ones yet. While I agree, confidence is an internal thing, I think the way we as a society teach our girls/women to look for outside gratification is a big problem.

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I think it is awesome you are that way! I love that about people, we can all be ourselves and be confident however we are. If that is how you are as a person, that is awesome, but I do not feel it is fair that some look down on others who may not act the same.

A lot of times what you call the problem stems from a self-confidence issue. Sure there are women out there who do all of those things, the part that people seem to miss out on is that it is none of our business why they do it. One of the biggest problems I see consistently is that we try to make everything our own business. If you are a happy person, not your circus not your clowns. On the flip side, maybe they do it for them selves and not gratification at all.

It is no one's job to tell anyone else how to make themselves feel pretty. If you looked at my phone there would be selfies, there would be nude photos, most of which I have never sent someone. I am married, so maybe you see that as different, but I don't. I don't take a nude photo to send to my husband (or anyone else for whatever idea that may conjure up in your head), sometimes I take them because I think I look good and want to be able to remember how I felt that day. Good enough to take a picture of myself naked.

I know a lot of girls who do exactly what you are talking about, post things/photos/whatever for reassurance that they are in fact pretty, but it's not really our job to tell them they can't. Maybe they have low self-confidence and need to hear it.

Now that that is all said, I will agree with you how our society works. It is frustrating to look at magazine covers that tell me how I need to look/do my makeup/dress. I'm most often the exception to the rule, and I know that these magazines do attract a lot of women. This is not teaching women to worship their own body, but it's teaching them to worship the body of a model/actress that is air brushed and photoshopped, that is a problem. It is our job as the adult figures to teach our children to appreciate themselves and not worry about what others look like. It is not easy, it never will be because the media does run the world, not girls as beyonce would like us to think.

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Also, side note. You should remember that men/women's minds work completely different, so it it doesn't really come into play how your mind may work compared to a female's.

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I agree with you, that no one should tell anyone how or why to feel a certain way, I just think that a lot of the times, people in general(but women in particular) tend to choose a path thats easier to get attention, rather than doing what actually would give them the confidence they desire.

Hot = attractive to mating partners

Single = does not have a mating partner

That is all.

I am a male born in the generation Y. I agree with this article that girls born in this generation are too picky. Last girl I was forced to date by one of my parents dumped me after 4 weeks because things did not go Hollywood style (perfect love). First she used my father to control me and then after she didn't get what she wanted, she told me 'I'll call you' and disappeared quietly. What a bitch.

its not problem of women from generation Y - it probem of men of generation Y that are no longer men but metrosexual wussies.

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I sort of agree, Gen y is just all kinds of bad generally, lol.

Really enjoyed your article and I agree with you, nowadays nobody puts any effort into a new relationship, one problem and you are out of there. I had 3 long term relationships and I never gave up, they lasted 3 years, but generally people are so disposable right now, its not even funny and pretty sad. Its hard to trust anyone, but you have to trust people , at least until they break it! Got my vote :) Thanks!

I find it interesting that this sounds like...my gen y brother. Why would he bother actually hitting on a woman, let alone pursuing a real relationship, when he can just stand around looking aloof and wait. His entire technique is the brake pedal.

The thing that is hard to imagine, for those who've never risked a real relationship, is that the terrible outcome isn't the remaining single. Being single is kind of great, if you can afford it.

The terrible thing is having never taken the heart-stopping adventure of a lifetime that a real relationship is. My brother may be good looking and intelligent with money and taste, but he has no idea that he's a wuss, a total prisoner of fear. He couldn't keep a self-respecting woman if he tried. He doesn't even know that he has to try. One day those empowered girls who don't know better than to throw themselves at bad-boy-wastes-of-time won't be remotely interesting to him, anymore. Maybe life will bless him with a cute meet that he doesn't let go of, that he's ready to become a man for, that he is willing to face his fears to keep. That's when he'll realize he wasted decades thinking fishing was about the hook when there's really a lot more involved when you've got a marlin on the line.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that relationship is about togetherness or commitment: the ability to make a relationship last is built on self-knowledge, on bravery and on being willing to evolve. The not liking what you see part of a relationship is the beginning of the good part. Falling for someone is the two hour line, the exhilaration and excitement. Don't let the look of the seatbelts send you running. Don't bail before the ride even starts. Yeah, it'll be scary and you might even feel awful later and lose your lunch. But at least you won't have missed out for being a coward.

I hope that wasn't too brutal. Thank you for having the bravery to share these thoughts in the first place. :)

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Maybe if we loved ourselves a little bit less... It would make room for others to love us more.

Here is a post I wrote about the very same topic, at about exactly the same time, maybe from a bit of a different perspective. I hope you like it :) https://steemit.com/love/@marcelhattingh/love-in-2016

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Oh, and @inboundinken, your article is amazing and I'm glad to see there is still people out there that can see things as clearly as you.

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Thanks @marcelhattingh, appreciate the lovely feedback. I'll take a look at your post too.