Today is Shoe Day!

Today is Shoe Day!

What's this? Say what? Shoe Day?? What on earth?! Is this some crazy new holiday?

Man, they're celebrating just about anything these days...

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

Haha. Well. Let me tell you about Shoe Day!

Once upon a time, I was a Shoeaholic. I amassed a HUGE number of shoes.

No, you don't understand. I had a Shoe problem. A Shoe Addiction. I was even part of a Shoe Club. I was enrolled to automatically receive a new pair of designer shoes every month. Of course, that wasn't enough for me. So, I bought a new pair of shoes EVERY WEEK.

Heels were my favorite. You know the really tall ones? I couldn't get enough of them. Every color, texture, and shape.

I didn't just have a shoe rack full. I didn't just have shoe boxes stacked. I had shoe bins. I had them upstairs, and when I ran out of room there, I had them downstairs.

Of course, I had more shoes than I knew what to do with. I had more shoes than I could possibly ever wear.

What on earth was happening to me? Why was I buying so many shoes?

The truth is, while I loved the way the shoes looked, none of this had anything at all to do with shoes.

I was suffering from a scarcity mindset.

You may be asking, what on earth is a scarcity mindset? What kind of mumbo jumbo is this now?

A scarcity mindset is the feeling of not being or not having enough. It's like being plagued with a constant fear of lack.

You see, I didn't exactly grow up in the lap of luxury. We cut a lot of corners. We made do with whatever we could. We went without. I didn't have a lot of new things growing up. The truth is, I didn't even have a lot of second-hand things. I had what you would term "third-hand" things. The stuff that even the second-hand stores passed up on.

Clothing was bought or worse stolen a few sizes too big so that it would fit me longer, even shoes. I went from swimming in my clothes to them being way too tight before I got "new" ones.

I was the kid with the pot cut. I was the kid wearing a ridiculous ensemble of fashion and fabrics from decades prior. I was the kid who ate the food kids put at the end of the lunch tables at school because they were disgusted by it. For me, those squished sandwiches, and mushy fruit were absolutely divine.

I was the kid who begged in the produce department of the grocery store for slightly "off" fruit and vegetables for rabbits I didn't have. I was the kid who begged for dog bones from the meat department "for my dogs". I was the one sinking waist deep out back in the garbage bins, trying to find something "good". You can't imagine the horror of sinking in that sea of wretched putrid smelling garbage. I remember being terrified that I wouldn't make it out again. But yet, it was something I had to do, over and over again.

Growing up this way, I was very aware of my lack. What they had that I didn't. How much they had that I didn't.

I would be amazed at the inside of other people's homes and how they lived. I'd compare that to my bed on the floor, and my cardboard "furniture". I'd compare their lives to mine.

For a time we had no fridge. In the summer, we buried things in the dirt crawlspace under our house. In the winter, we buried things in the snow. There was nowhere to take a bath. There was no hot water. If you wanted a bath, you had to draw water outside from the well and fill a small square cattle basin out back. Yes, outside. If you didn't remember to fill the jar of water with which to prime the hand pump, you were out of luck. In the winter, if the water in the jar froze you were also out of luck. There was no way to draw water then.

If it was winter, you could heat the water for a bath on the woodstove in the livingroom, the only source of heat in the house. It took forever. You could only boil a little water because it was so heavy to carry out back. The weekly bath was at most half a foot deep. In the cold winter, it was a mad race to wash before the water became so cold that you froze.

I mean, if you grow up this way, it's just how you grow up. You can see that other people live differently, but you don't know what it is actually like. You can only imagine.

Maybe it would have been different if I had chosen to live the way I did. Maybe then, I wouldn't have developed such a fear of lack.

As I grew older, that fear filled me. It consumed me. I was constantly afraid, afraid that I would not be able to buy something the next time. That I would run out. That I would not have enough. That I might not survive. The fear grew worse when I had children. Maybe I could do without, maybe I could survive without, but could they? Could they survive? Would they be OK? Would it hurt them?

I never wanted them to suffer. I wanted to protect them from a life of lack.

At first, I became obsessed with the necessities. At first, it was more sensible. I paid bills in advance. I created budgets. I made spending allowances for myself. I had these little envelopes of money with dates on them, so I would have money for the next week, and the next, and the next.

Then, I began hoarding food. I mean food is something you really need, right? I became obsessed with coupons and sales. Double Coupon Day drove that hoarding into overdrive. I could buy ahead of time, making sure I wouldn't run out, and save money doing it! More money to spend! I couldn't control myself.

I went from buying food to also buying cleaners and toiletries. Then, I turned to clothing. Next, I turned makeup, perfume, jewelry, shoes, art supplies, toys for the kids, stationary, and so much much more. If I thought we would use it, I bought it.

Finally, if I thought we could maybe use it, I bought it. All logic was lost. I was completely lost in never-ending want. Nothing was ever enough. Never enough.

So here I was, enrolled in a Shoe Club, buying at least one new pair of shoes a week. Every nook and cranny in my house was full. There was even stuff piled on the stairs going up and on the stairs going down. You name it, I had it and I probably had more than 1.

It was at this point of my life that I began learning what an Abundance Mindset was. One thing was for certain, this was the one thing I didn't have.

I'll be honest. I just didn't get it at first.

It was so bad that I couldn't even recognize that I had a problem. I just didn't see it. Yes, it was right there in front of me. In fact, it was all around me. Everywhere, I looked I was surrounded, almost suffocating in stuff. So much STUFF!

Irregardless, I began the work.

What was this work you ask?

Step 1:
Learn to truly accept myself. Not just the parts I liked. Not ignoring and hiding the parts I didn't. Rather, working on and finding unconditional acceptance of myself. No more talking down to myself. No more second-guessing myself. No more self-sabotage. I allowed myself to be as I am, an imperfect flawed human-being. What's more, I allowed myself to learn to love myself. Not only could I be imperfect, but I could love myself while being imperfect. I could be kind, compassionate, forgiving and gentle with myself. I could be my own ally, my own friend, my own advocate. I could finally join sides with myself.

Step 2:
Learn what loving myself means. At first, this was a tremendous struggle. Every compliment I paid myself was filled with doubt. It felt insincere, awkward, and forced. I literally had to learn how to love myself. Something that really helped me, was to think of myself as my own child. Yes, seriously! That made my tone towards myself a lot kinder and more gentle. It allowed me to exercise compassion. Sometimes, I acted as though I was giving a friend advice. That helped me to think of better ideas on how to help myself. I learned that taking care of myself was not selfish. It was not frivolous. It did not mean I was an ego-maniac. I could love myself and not be ashamed. I could commit to loving actions towards myself. Loving actions to look after myself. To set boundaries, to say no, to allow myself rest. To make better choices for myself. I built my self-esteem. I learned to feel worthy. I did deserve love. I could be loved. I was lovable. I was enough. I was enough for me.

Step 3:
Figure out what actually matters. I know that is going to sound so obvious to many of you. But, I seriously had to get my head straight. I had to shift from a feeling of lack, of wanting and needing to knowing what and how much was enough. What was actually important? What actually mattered? What did I actually really need? What really helped me with this was an exploration of two things: How to organize and the concept of minimalism. Some things that helped me were, to turn all of the hangers in my closet. When a month passed by, if hangers were still turned, I knew I hadn't worn those things. At that point, I could seriously consider if I did indeed need that clothing. I put things in boxes. That may seem counter intuitive. But for me, someone with a hoarding problem, it really helped. When I needed something I had to work and take it out of the boxes. Otherwise, it stayed in. After some time, if it was still in the boxes, I could consider if I indeed even needed it. I began getting rid of duplicates. I kept focusing on what I could do instead of overwhelming myself with what I couldn't. I watched Hoarding videos, Organizing videos, Minimalism videos. I have to say, with time the idea of minimalism, as I understood it, really began to appeal to me more and more.

Step 4:
Celebrate my wins. It might sound a bit hokey and let me tell you, when I first started doing this, it also felt that way. But, over time, I learned how to celebrate my wins, my successes, my progress. By celebrating my success, I began celebrating myself. I felt more confident. I felt more empowered. I was capable. I could do things. I could change things. I could succeed. I learned how to empower myself. I shifted more and more into the mindset of what I could do, versus what I couldn't.

Step 5:
Practice gratitude. At first, I was that person, struggling to even write down a few things a day that I was grateful for. Especially, to not write down the same few things day to day. I really struggled to grow my list of gratitude. I kept challenging myself to look for the good. No matter how simple or small, there was something to be grateful for each and every day. With time and a great deal of practice this became easier and easier. Something amazing happened. The more I practiced gratitude, the more gratitude I felt, the more satisfied I felt. I began to even be grateful for myself. I began to recognize my own qualities. I had finally bridged accepting myself unconditionally. I was finally able to love myself. I was finally beginning to understand what an abundance mindset was.

Step 6:
Finding Peace. I began a lot of work on finding and keeping peace within myself. To not let the outside world disturb my inner peace. In truth, this is something that I continuously am working on. Life can present a lot of challenges. Like anyone I have my struggles. Being mindful to cultivate and keep peace within myself no matter what circumstance I find myself in, has been like an anchor for me. It gives me immeasurable strength and resilience. I am at peace with who I am. I can still strive to change, but I can also accept and be at peace with myself and the here and now. I can control my emotions a lot better. I am less impulsive. I make better choices. Yoga, meditation, mindful walking have really helped me. I am much more conscious of what I internalize. I give myself a lot more choices. I recognize choices that I never knew I had. It's very empowering. I can choose better for myself.

All of these steps worked in tandem to help me to change my mindset. The work was not easy. It was not overnight. It took a lot of patience. It took a lot of self-forgiveness. But I stuck it out, and I stuck with it. I didn't give up. I didn't give up on myself. **I learned I was worth the hard work. **

I'm still working on things every day. But, with practice things do get easier.

Today, I am a practicing minimalist. By my definition this means that I use everything I own and own nothing that I don't. I don't own many things that other people do. I decide what works for me.

I don't feel any lack whatsoever. All I feel is gratitude and abundance.

Today is Shoe Day.

I own 2 pairs of shoes. A pair of flip flops for running out of the house with, and a pair of every-day shoes. The flip flops have lasted me 3 years. I barely use them. I walk at least 10km a day, every day. My every-day shoes wear out because they are the only shoes I wear when I walk. I walk a lot because I no longer own a car. I wear through a pair of shoes every 3 to 4 months. It's not a bad thing. I know it's proof that I am leading an active and healthy lifestyle.

Today, I looked at the holes in my shoes, the peeling, cracked, and worn-out soles. Today, I celebrated by buying myself a new pair of every-day shoes.

Today, I celebrated Shoe Day!

-Akiroq Brost

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Check out my other articles:
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How I Got Rid of My Excuses and Started Living.
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How to use boundaries to improve the quality of your life.
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Strategies for Coping With Criticism in a Positive Way.
Stop Hiding Behind Your Excuses and Live Your Truth.
Create a Life You Love with the Powerful Intentions.
How Self-Acceptance Will Set You Free.
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Strategic Detachment.
How to Handle Negative Experiences in a Positive Way.
10 Steps to Living a More Meaningful Life.
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12 Strategies for Improving your Diet.
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What matters? A journey into Faith.
Finding your way back to yourself, reconnecting to love.