The Problem With Always Being Told You're "Talented"
My entire life, I’ve been told how amazing I am at everything I do.
It started pervasively with competitive swimming, which I tried for the first time at the age of 15. On day one, the coach of the club I joined told my Mum I was the “most talented swimmer he’d even seen and that if I never made it to the Olympics, he’d eat his hat”.
Well, he abandoned the club a few months later and I guess, has been enjoying the taste of his hat ever since.
Since then, I was told repeatedly how “gifted” I was at cross-country running, cycling, Business & Economics (my Teacher nearly cried when I declined to take it on for A2 level), Psychology, languages, make-up, triathlon (again, told I was “destined for the Olympics”), Art and Design.
But, how is this possible?
How can anyone be so “talented” in so many different areas? It seems more likely that people were just being nice and supportive.
Really, it makes me wonder whether or not we are doing more harm than good by providing everyone we know and like with positive and encouraging comments.
Simon Sinek would argue that this is a common dilemma for us millennials or “y generation” these days. That we were raised to believe we were capable of achieving anything and everything. That we were “special” and deserving of everything the world has to offer.
In my case, despite all of my inherent “talents”, I haven’t achieved anything at all worthy of being called a “success”.
No, in fact, I’ve ended up moving abroad twice and changed career paths faster than a hot knife through butter. All of which, has left me feeling depressed, confused and seriously doubting myself and my abilities.
Most recently, I’ve received ridiculously kind comments about my writing like “you must quit your day job to become a writer” and “you’re exceptionally gifted and should share your talent with the world” yet, instead of feeling inspired and encouraged, I've have been left feeling seriously paralysed by fear and disbelief.
I literally have writers block, despite my many ideas, because I struggle to believe what I’ve been told and worry about letting people down.
Psychologists like to call it “Imposter Syndrome”. But, in my opinion, you need to actually have “real” talent and success before that really applies.
Fear of failure and insecurity is the story of my life, unfortunately.
If you liked this, you might also be interested in my other articles:
Overcoming the Fear to Post about my Depression Online
7 Things I've Learnt as a Non-Muslim Fasting During Ramadan
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Thank you for the very helpful information! :)
Es bueno ver como día a día crece nuestra comunidad, Saludos desde Venezuela.
Estoy de acuerdo! :)
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Agreed, that it takes hard work to succeed and some more than others.
You're spot on Joey!
So relatable! Calling someone "talented" is just a plain insult to all the years of practice they've done. I remember how I used to get mad at people when they said I have a "God's gift" for making art. It still annoys me to this day but I guess they do it as a compliment and good intention so it's not that big of a deal.
Great blog @gouldingv!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I agree 100% about the "God's gift" statement... because, I've known people who were considered "naturally talented" but never achieved anything. It wasn't enough to be successful. It takes super hard work and determination!!!
I feel you my friend, 100%. I've changed so many interests and careers in my life before finally realizing it was all because I was always so talented and supported beyond reason.
It's on us now to fix those mistakes with our kids. I'm quite demanding, and it takes a bit effort from them in order for me to say bravo. Always telling the older one that she needs to keep learning and keep trying, and never give up. I'd rather have them not like me much now, but appreciate me later, than loving me now and feeling the consequences when they grow up, just like I have.
Just a small tip, my experience: The fear of failure keeps you trapped. It doesn't feel good when you let it go, that's true. I let it go some time ago, then I failed hard. I'm bankrupt currently, but there's nothing like the feeling of pushing yourself as hard as you can from the bottom, knowing there is only one way now: up
Good read. Get yourself free, I'm sure you'll bounce off to the stars ;)
Thank you such much for your open and honest comment. I completely agree with you about fixing the mistakes with our children, and it sounds like you're doing it well. I remember when I moved to America as a kid and participated in sport day type events, it was crazy that EVERYONE got a "medal" and was told how "AMAZING" they were... That kind of mentality rubbed off on me I guess (and my parents). I mean, sure we want to encourage our kids but protecting them from failure, and making them feel that everything they do is "the best", we're just setting them up for pain and disappointment later in life.
I really wish someone had told me as a kid "look you're gunna fail HARD and it's gunna hurt like hell, but it's necessary and we all need to go through it" instead of "you can be anything you want to be, you're so naturally talented, you'll be successful at anything you try". Anyway, like you said, I've got to make sure I do right by my friends and break the cycle!
Fear of failure for me however has a tight grip, but I am trying my best each day to weaken it's strength.
I'm sorry to hear about your bankruptcy, but I'm really impressed by your attitude and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I think that's exactly how we have to approach difficult times in life. Good luck my friend! :)
One thing I must disagree with, respectfully :) I don't really see light at the end of the tunnel. I believe the tunnel has no end, and searching for the light at the end that does not exist would be rather foolish. I believe we either carry the light within us or not. If we carry the light within us, no tunnel is a problem :)
Just a mildly different perspective, I guess. Keep fighting, and please share experiences. People outside our family are usually not that worried over our feelings, so we can get some wake-up slap in the face :) Realy useful stuff. :)
I really appreciate respectful disagreements! Thank you :) We'd never learn, grow or become better people if everyone just agreed with us 100% of the time!
And your opinion has certainly made me think!
I'll keep sharing, and I hope you do too! :)
bienvenida amiga, Exito
Gracias! <3
Welcome to Steemit @gouldingv
It's good to see your post. I wish your success. If no one does not benefit others, one does not succeed.Remember this friend to succeed.
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