Overcoming the Fear to Post about my Depression Online
Late one evening at the beginning of February this year, I was home alone. Ruminating over the Instagram story I had just prepared, my heart was racing; adrenaline violently coursing through my veins.
Unable to withstand the anxiety, I hurriedly pressed save, stood up and began pacing around my room.
Recalling a recent phone conversation I’d had with my Mum, a single bead of sweat slowly began to trickle down the side of my face. “I wouldn’t be sharing that kind of thing online,” she had warned. “It’s not really appropriate.”
I understood her concern.
Admitting in public that you struggle with mental illness was a risky thing to do.
The stigma is real.
However, deep down I just knew that I had to share.
I felt obliged, not only to explain where I had been for the past 5 months, but more importantly to do my part in helping raise awareness and breaking down the walls of prejudice.
I checked my watch. 2:14 AM.
It was now or never.
I closed my eyes, took a long breath in and as I exhaled, I opened my eyes and immediately pushed send.
Done.
I had just let the world know that I suffered with depression.
The response was immediate. Private message after private message came flooding in with such kind and supportive words.
“I’m so proud of you for finding the courage to talk about your struggles with depression. I’m right there with you ❤️😊”
“Sending a big hug 😘”
“You’re not alone babe. It’s brave of you speak about it though. I hope you receive nothing but a positive reaction 😘 ”
“Vicki!!! Are you doing better now? If you ever want to talk, I’m here!”
“I love that you’re being so open!”
“Hi sweetie, I’m going through the same thing. Thank you for sharing, it helps to know I’m not alone.”
I knew then and there that I had made the right decision.
The burden I had been carrying for so long had, within seconds, been lifted. My shoulders finally relaxed and a slow, soft smile worked its way across my face.
Over the years, I’ve experienced the odd moments of mild depression, however in September of 2017, things took a turn for the worse.
Seemingly out of nowhere, I fell into a deep and dark hole. Whereas before, I’d have a few days of feeling low and then bounce back, this time it got progressively worse as each day went by.
Ultimately, I stopped socialising (both in person, and online) and lost all motivation to work, exercise or eat.
I was drowning in helplessness and I couldn’t see a way out.
Luckily for me, I had amazing support from my fiancé. Evening after evening, he would lovingly wrap me up in his arms while I cried myself to exhaustion.
They say once you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
Thankfully, in time, and with a lot of work, I managed to climb my way back up and out of my hole.
Initially, I’d chosen Instagram to share my story because it was a quick and easy way to be open and connect with others. However, the platform really isn’t suited for long form stories.
I found this out after recording over 15 videos talking about my recovery process…
I had to look for a better medium (pun intended!).
At this point, I’d been a member of Medium for over a year, but had hardly spent any time on it. I’d read the occasional article that came up whenever I google searched for something, but nothing more.
I'd never even commented on anything.
That was all about to change however, after I came across an article by Jason Snell.
His story was so moving and really connected with me.
I left my first ever comment and decided then and there that I wanted to write on Medium to share my story.
Of course, it wasn’t that simple.
Medium was full of so many talented writers and I seriously doubted my writing ability.
It was intimidating.
Yet, thanks to all the inspiring stories I’ve now read and the kind encouragement from fellow writers, I’m taking the plunge to start telling my story, and share my thoughts.
Maybe (hopefully!) I’ll be able to help make a small difference in someone else’s life.
I’m not sure where this journey will take me, but if you are interested, I do hope you will consider joining me.
This is repost of my original article written on Medium
If you liked this, you might also be interested in my other articles:
7 Things I've Learnt As A Non-Muslim Fasting During Ramadan
Is It True That We Have To Spend Money To Earn Money On Steemit?
I'm so proud of you, Victoria! I know what depression feels like (too well for my own good actually) and what it can do to your mental health.
I remember how I used to just curl up in my bed and cry it out for hours and doubt myself because nobody would accept me for who I was so I started thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. But now, looking back, I feel great pride that I stood up for myself.
Not all of us have this courage to share our darkest stories, but you did, and you deserve hell lot of respect for that. I really hope you are doing okay now. And hey, if you ever need to talk about it, I'm all ears.
Hey! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my post. I'm sorry to hear you went through some difficult times, but sounds like it made it stronger and you learnt a lot from it!!
Thank you for your kind comments, I'm trying my best to be more open and honest. Maybe it's my own form of therapy :)
I am better now thank you for asking!! It's been great to connect with you and I look forward to reading more from you!
This is so important. It's such a vulnerable thing to share how we struggle, but it shows people they're not alone... and actually shows us we're not alone too when we start to see the beautiful response when we share that way. 'Cause let's face it, life isn't easy and we go through rough patches! Thanks so much for sharing 💗
Hi Bonnie! I completely agree with you, life is hard and if we keep our struggles in the dark, we're going to make it worse! Sometimes, even just the simple act of saying out loud how we feel, be it in person on online, can make a huge difference. Connecting with others, instead of isolating ourselves is my new mantra!
Thanks for reading and commenting! <3
Get a free Bible for your phone, tablet, and computer. Bible.com