💭 A Step to Clarity
When I wrote my Happy New Year post, I felt a strong sense of helplessness. A feeling each morning that I didn't want to get out of bed - that I couldn't face the day ahead. I didn't say it quite like that, but it was definitely what I was feeling.
It's been suggested to me to go and see a doctor, but what can they do? I don't want pills and the problems that I think that I have in my life are here. They're permanent. Unless I decide to do something unimaginably drastic.
There's only one person who can solve the problems in my mind, and that's me.
I know this... I've always known this. I'm the holder of my own happiness but when you're so exhausted and surrounded by a constant barrage of noise and stress, it's hard to find the head room to do anything about it.
Last night, perhaps somewhat randomly, I watched "The Diary Of A CEO YouTube channel" and a video entitled "The Savings Expert: “Do Not Buy A House!” Do THIS Instead! - Morgan Housel". It's a video that keeps popping up as a recommendation but definitely NOT the kind of clickbait that gets my attention. But I watched it anyway... all 2 hours of it.
It's unfortunate that they gave the video such a shitty title and caption because in my mind, it's not what the video's about at all. Instead, my key takeaway was "perspective". An encouragement to think about your perspective on life and that of those around you. There's nothing new in it... there's no great revelation that I didn't already know but something within those 2 hours got me thinking... back to the way I thought 5 or 6 years ago, when I had time to think.
Even now though, my thoughts still lack clarity.
I'm not in full-time employment because I don't want to be in full-time employment. I'm in the kind of situation many would dream about in that regard. Which begs the question - what is the main advantage of not being employed? Why don't I want to be in full-time employment?
Freedom. Time. And the ability to decide what to do with it. And herein lies my problem. I was fortunate enough to have a choice about employment and I made that choice based upon an expected outcome. An outcome which has forsaken me since becoming a parent - a feeling that my life is no longer my own.
One of the examples of happiness that was given was to consider the life of a CEO and how they spend their days... their diary packed with meeting after meeting... even their life isn't really their own as they strive to succeed more... earn more... money which they'll never be able to spend and if they do, it's on things that they don't need.
The overarching lesson from all of this... understand what I need. What's enough? At this moment in my life, my focus should be upon my time. What do I need from my time? And my answer is simple... some time to do something that I want to do. Something that makes me feel like I'm still being productive with my life and not simply treading water.
How much of this makes sense? Probably not all of it, my thinking still lacks clarity but those 2 hours watching the video I shared above, have provided me with many more hours of thought - a starting point back to happiness - which is exactly what Morgan Housel wanted.
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When you have children it takes a lot to be a parent, there is a lot of responsibility. the children grow up and eventually join in various activities where parents need to follow them up.
But it is probably not here that you feel that life is no longer your own
I would think there are completely different things that give you the feeling you are talking about.
I think we all have more or less to do with such feelings, but if we allow ourselves to be controlled by others, such feelings can also come and we don't even know why it can be like this
Owning yourself is taking that fishing trip, fishing with friends (show you like fishing) If you don't catch fish on the trip, it doesn't matter because you've been free while you fished and talked to your friends and you've been recharged your batteries. It's simply about doing what you like, for example going to a football match, a trip to the pub and enjoying yourself with others.
Do what you want and you will recharge your batteries
Think about what you want to do and do it because batteries need to be charged
This is certainly the key. Whenever I have any "free" time, I look around that house and think "That needs fixing" (the wind blowing some cladding off the side of the house is the most recent example) or "That job needs doing"... all things that are cluttering up my mind that I want to stop thinking about.
I've never been fishing. I've always liked the idea of sitting on a boat and drinking beer in the sun. Fishing rod not required.
TEAM 1
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Oh, the vast majority. I would like to make a small addition here:
That's correct, of course! Nevertheless, there are people who can help you. They won't solve your problems, but they will - based on their professional experience - give you small inputs that will help you to find the right solution specifically for yourself. This has nothing to do with pills or psychiatric brainwashing or internet advice, but is more of a counselling support, a coaching. Your own further development with little nudges from neutral, professional outsiders.
I have made use of it. It has shown me other perspectives in my stuck mental carousel. I gave up my (very, very) well-paid job and am (not always - you can't stop thinking...) quite fulfilled...
You are correct (of course). I had some coaching in the past and it helped me a lot... I guess my problem now is that I've had some experience coaching others so I'd always be looking for the reason behind their question, rather than using it to help myself. Madness, I know. So I need to start asking myself the questions... Cognitive Behavioural Therapy 🙂
I feel like I know the answer for myself... I know the destination... but every path is blocked by a screaming individual who won't let me pass.
That's your ego, but not your heart. Listen to the wisdom of your heart that (silently) comes from deep within... 🤗
Close... but I'm referring to my family 🤣
This situation is very much familiar and it's not always an easy one.
Infact at one point, I felt like moving outside on top of the roof and just shout..., but that was all crazy.
I would have made one suggestion that can help, but I see you have already highlighted that...."There's only one person who can solve the problems in my mind, and that's me."
Exactly! You are the only person that can do that...🤷♂️
Good a thing, you have acknowledge that. And this is where the therapy starts.
From my experience, I have noticed that the whole journey of clarity may take a very long time and sometimes might not even take longer time, you just can't predict though.
But does it really matter? NO it shouldn't matter.
The main aim should be embracing where your life is at at this moment and make the best out of it, which you are already doing to the best of my knowladge.
I've done that. I felt better 🙂
I don't think that I am. I want to reach the point where I can stop saying (and feeling) that "My life is not my own".
Petit à petit, you will get there.
Wishing you a wonderful New Year!
And your life will not be yours this year either. Not completely. If you're honest, you probably don't want it to be. You probably don't need more time to yourself either. But: in "your" time, you would like to have a goal.
Your ambitions go far beyond looking after the children and maintaining the house. So choose a goal that you enjoy, that seems meaningful and satisfying and get started!
I know it's not that easy. But it's not that difficult either ;-))
Am I allowed to disagree? I don't think I've disagreed with you before 🤣
I've got too many goals - they're often simple... one of them involves spending some time coding, working on the Steemit interface. Another is simply playing the piano every now and again (which I can do for a few seconds before little fingers want to mash the keys). I don't even dare to get my violin out (although I'm playing a teeny. tiny little one right now).
I certainly feel that I don't have enough "me time" to achieve any of my goals. My day starts when I'm woken up and the boys don't go to sleep until 8pm (ish)... there's little rest in between (unless I become willing to return to the aura of a student house) and I'm never alone. Any attempts to come and sit as I am now (at just after 10pm when I should be in bed) are disturbed by little people coming and poking keys and buttons)... I know that I'm making excuses but they're real until the boys are older and can entertain themselves / each other without them trying to hospitalise each other / themselves.
It is... it really is 🙂
Yes... they really do 🙂
Of course you are allowed to do all what you want (even to disagree with me ;-))
But... It could be that we're talking at cross purposes. Or we're both somehow right ;-))
The coding, the Steem, the piano and the violin are your interests that are not getting enough attention right now. But they can obviously be put in the corner without resistance. I think you need something stronger than duty and responsibility - or at least equivalent. And then you have a basis for negotiating a different division of responsibilities at home, professional development and some inner satisfaction.
Incidentally, it's impossible for me to argue with you; a man who plays the piano and violin belongs on a pedestal (to be worshipped ;-)))
I think that must be it 😉
Yes. This is good. It's difficult as the-mrs-gorilla comes home from work, has dinner and then we're pretty much at bed time - which we share because they won't settle without "supervision". Then it's late and we either spend a little time together or do our own thing. Tricky... but not impossible!
A problem shared is a problem halved ..or something like that :)
Sometimes i feel the same as you but i need to remind myself of what i have versus what a lot of other people don't have.
I am here for you of you want to talk more, remember you have my "other" email address my bro
True, it's too easy to forget this sometimes... "Enjoy what you have, don't be concerned by what you don't" is one of my "Pillars".
Although I don't know if it applies to Peace and Quiet
I found posting it here rather therapeutic. That stupidly long video helped too
The Noise...yeah it never stops