This situation is very much familiar and it's not always an easy one.

Infact at one point, I felt like moving outside on top of the roof and just shout..., but that was all crazy.

I would have made one suggestion that can help, but I see you have already highlighted that...."There's only one person who can solve the problems in my mind, and that's me."

Exactly! You are the only person that can do that...🤷‍♂️

Good a thing, you have acknowledge that. And this is where the therapy starts.

From my experience, I have noticed that the whole journey of clarity may take a very long time and sometimes might not even take longer time, you just can't predict though.

But does it really matter? NO it shouldn't matter.
The main aim should be embracing where your life is at at this moment and make the best out of it, which you are already doing to the best of my knowladge.