Open Happiness (Week 6): Touching lives through Selfless Giving!
Introduction
We are really excited to welcome you to the 6th edition of Open Happiness. This project has touched lives and helped us create happiness through selfless giving. We have learnt that giving makes one happy and we want to make an impact by sharing what we have with others
Pls click here to learn more about Open Happiness.
Open Talk
Parenting is an important issue in the life of every child. In our Open talk tonight, we are going to discuss somethings that relate to parenting. We will as usual allow our community members to join the discussion
For the open talk to start, the sponsor will make the first comment on this post and raise the topic for discussion. Then members of the community can join the discussion and free express their opinions on the subject matter for 30 minutes.
As a participant, what do you need to do?
- Wait for the Host to start the discussion.
- Respond to as many persons as you can.
- Always refresh your page to see new comments
- Be creative, relate personal experiences, ask questions, avoid short comments.
- Make it fun too
@focusnow would be the hosts tonight. He has donated 30 Steem for the Open talk tonight.
Conclusion
Open Happiness is loved by our community members. After all, who of us does not enjoy recieving gifts. You can actually support this project by participating in the discussions. More important, help us realize the goal of Open Happiness by being generous. You do not have to be rich to be give. A little airtime, cash, Steem or Sbd, or other gifts will go a long way to make someone smile.
We thank the Steemit team for always supporting our projects. To you our valued member, we thank you for supporting SteemAlive community. Together, we can rewrite history. Together we can touch lives through selfless giving. Let us Open Happiness!!! Together we can!!!!
Written by: @focusnow
For: @steemalive
Subscribe:::Discord.
:::Whatsapp :::join trail
Goodevening friends and welcome to our Open talk this evening. Here is our Question:
1. How did your dad or mum discipline you when you were small?
2. Will you do the same as a parent if you have your own kids?
3. What is one mistake parents make which you would like to avoid?
Take a question at a time
When i was a kid, i received strokes of lashes till i got so used to it. It wasn't the best way to discipline me though.
I will discipline my kids but with words. I think words have a way of going straight to the marrow of a child and will help the child a whole lot.
Always preventing a child from doing something without telling the child what the consequence that thing will be. For example, parents to female will be like " do not let any boy touch your breast" if the female child asks "mummy why" they will be like, "shut up and don't question me". I think it is best to give a child good reasons why he/she should or should not do something.
Well @davosimple mere scolding and 'talking-to' may not be enough.Children of these days are stubborn minded.
#My thoughts
Lols...
Yeah, they are stubborn but most the cane sef can make them even more stubborn
They disciplined me through flogging to the extent that my body got used to cane and other things.
As a parent I won't discipline my children like that oh because at some point we would do wrong and know that highest it's cane they'll flog us..cane that our body was already used to
Parents think flogging children's will make them stay right and not go wrong,it's very wrong. Every parent should know their child and know how to deal with them peculiarly. It isn't always flogging. A parent can discipline a child by simply sitting the child down and talking tot he child. Sometimes we children do things because we need attention not because an evil spirit is in us
Well, for me, my dad disciplined me like there was no tomorrow...i was the very stubborn on so my dad flogged the hell out of me....
I dont think i want to do same with my child because i would want to give my child the chance to express his or her self which my parents never gave me the opportunity to.
Patents fail to understand that now, technology and modernization has taken over...we arent in the old era like them, so they should give us the chance to live in our time and not in their time.
Waooh @kinkyamiee. Does he use bar hand, cain or anything to beat you? Is he a huge man? Do you escape sometimes?
Mehnnn...it was this black and red wire wined together ooo...my dad is just average...yes, most times i escape ooo but the day he catches me...i am in a big mess...
Waooh. @kinkyamiee. Am touched as you realized that you were a little sturborn then. So with this insight, how will you treat your really stubborn child in the future
Most times a child isnt just for no reason, there must be something that child wants to do or what that child is trying to say...so if that doesnt blend well with the parents, they feel he or she is stubborn..for me, i will listen to my child, i wouldnt say him or her as stubborn..i will allow my child be that person or thing he or she wants to be...
Chia...I wonder how it feels to be flogged by my dad. My dad only flogs my brother. As for the women, my mother flogs even add my brother join.
I don't think disciplining a child as per flogging is that bad unless it's out of hate and you end up giving the child permanent injury.
Parents and technology aren't in good relationship 🤣. My mother can legitly use her phone for one year. One day she'll call you to come and save a contact for her on her phone 😂😂😂
You'll now be wondering what she has been using the phone to do all this while.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
Hahahaha....exactly..same with my mum...she is in owerri and i am in awka, and she is calling me to ask me how she can save a number on her phone...
Beckie what will be the discipline that you will give to your kids if you have one. Tell us please..
The mistake most parents make to me is over pampering last borns🤣
It now looks like we the others were born from the oven 😅😅
I will try as a parent to be equal in my love for my children. If not no last born 😂😂
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
@beckie96830 I do notice that last borns are treated with special favour. It causes jealousy isn't it? Can you share with us how you dad or mum disciplines you when you do something that makes them really angry
My last born and I are 5&6 so some of the favors she gets I get too because as she's my mum's favorite, I'm my dad's favorite (I think 😂😂). So I'm not jealous and I can't be jealous.
My mum never runs out of canes 💔. Back then when she used to flog, I'll first warm up by kneeling down for long. She'll now flog me after we're done eating (I was allowed to sit and eat). She'll call me to her room and be shouting and flogging me. After flogging me I will cry and sleep til the next morning. I wouldn't even remember what happened.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
My mum never runs out of canes💔💔💔
I hope you wont have a collection of canes for your kids. Can I ask you this: Is it proper for a parent to run after their kids into another person's home all for discipline? How do you see food deprivation as a form of discipline?
Mehnn...i am a last born oo...they never treat me like, they treat like every other person...even till now..
You dad really was a gentleman. Doing the gentle shouting
I don't think the care special for last born.
What think is that our parents don't have the strength when the last born will be if she to be disciplined...
Like the last born if our house ...she enjoys most ..and some time she get Cain like 3 stroke...I will jez laff..durin my day there was nothin like stroke of Cain massive beating
I grew up knowing my Dad. He acted like a Mum and Dad to me. One thing I learned from him was that he never shouted at me in the public no matter my offense. His method of correction was more like a dialogue. He always gave reasons why my actions were wrong. Then you will see reasons never to repeat wrong actions or behaviors.
Very interesting @tambarie. Your dad is really special. Does he do that all the time, especially whenhe is really mad at what you did. Will you use the same method to raise your kids?
I will.I think that's the best way to raise children. Shouting or flogging doesn't send the message. Though you scold them. But they should know the reason why you are upset with them.
My dad can't embarrass me in public but his voice is loud sha.
Typical of my dad too.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
My dad never shouted at me for once, i am a typical example of daddy's girl.
@tambarie Very good.
His method is good.
Dialogue, that appeals to your conscience and mind. It's the best approach.
My father started using same method with us when we grew up.
Nice
Good evening @focusnow these questions are cool.
My parents disciplined me by spanking me.
Spanking is an effective method of training the Nigerian child.I will do same to my kids but not often.
How did you feel about spanking as a child. I remember sometimes I become so angry at them that I would reject food. Which naturally leads to more beating
I felt bad then as a child.
However,when I grew up.I appreciated the Spanking approach.
While we were small, our parents don't allow us close to the food cubburd.
Once we have breakfast, the next meal will be lunch. No one eats intermittently.
Yes.
When I have my own kids, I will discipline them as such.
The mistake some parents make I will like to avoid is parents locking up their children in the house, to prevent them from playing with fellow children.
@uzoma24. Yes its wrong to lock up a child as a form of discipline. What does your dad do when you do something terrible?
@focusnow When we do something wrong, Dad seldomly flog us. He normally scold us with a very loud voice.
But when he does beat us, he may inflict us with an injury.
Hey @uzoma ..that was real discipline...That could not work for us because we did not even have a cupboard where food could be preserve...So once in a while i usually help myself in the pot.....😁😁😁
@breeze.com
That's serious😀
We had a cubburd but without a lock.
We were just three. So if you go to the pot it's easy to find you out
Hahaha.That was not good for u guys....
No I wont, no matter how stubborn my child his I will never discipline them the way dey did to me...chai uncle is like you don't know the Kain beating I received sha....
If I did wrong for steady straight days ..I will be punished for every offense
Waooh. This is really serious. @olabillions. Sometimes, you dont feel the beating or take it serious because its like that is their worst. Isn't it?
Good evening dear friends.i am delighted to be present in this open happiness.
When I was a kid, I was desciplined by flogging, showing, sometimes by chasing me out and by denying me of some essentials. It was those I lived with not really my parents because I left home when I was still small.
Well, each stage of a child requires a certain form of discipline. I can flog, advice, shout but I can't chase them away and I can't deny them of their basic necessities.
Most parents make the mistake of raining down curses and abuses on their kids, I will not do that. I will also not condem a child because there is always room for improvements.
That chasing away is normal with Nigerian parents.
This happens mostly when we go out to play and return very late. With nostalgia, I can remember the feeling
I love the point you made on the third question, curses and abuses are a no no for me
I really appreciate your input. Living with relatives is a different ball game all together. Let me ask you this: How do you feel if s child is starved as a form of discipline?
It is not a good idea at all. I will never subscribe to that. That one is not discipline but wickedness. I will not feel bad. We should imitate our heavenly father who despite how bad people are, he still sustain them with all that they need. Thereby giving us opportunity to change in a living way. Such is expected of us. Discipline is meant to correct not to inflict lasting injury
My parents can never chase you out of the house but they can chase you out of their room 😂.
As for food, you'll eat to your satisfaction so you can have strength to cry and cry till sleep comes.
Parents rain abuses on their kids which is very wrong. I wouldn't do that and I don't think my husband will either. We will respect our children on that aspect too.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
Good evening everyone @steemalive community and greetings to you my boss @focusnow,am really happy to participate in this once more.
For the above questions,I must admit that they are hard for me personally to answer but I will try my best.
•The word discipline for me means a whole lot of things,because my mum made a mistake in her youthful age and gave birth to me,everyone sees me as a mistake,discipline for me was maltreatment,my uncle will always use a block or a log of wood and hit me any time he see me with any guy,I will always be starved and most at times I will be forced to sleep outside just because I was seen with a guy,that was inhuman.
•well to start with,I will try my best to avoid the mistake of my mother so that I won't have the same mindset my people had and no matter what the situation is,I will never treat treat even the child of my worst enemy the way I was treated when I was a kid.
•most parents don't teach their children sex education at the right time which will make the children to learn from their friends and as well practice what they learnt,so as I soon to be parent,I will avoid the mistake of not telling my kids the things they suppose to know at any age if their life,thanks
This is baberic, how can someone hit another human being with a block😢
Dear @kanuprecious,till date I still take treatment for the fracture I had as a result of the hitting,it actually happen seat
@ladyofpolicy this is so sad to picture on my mind, I'm so sorry for what you had to go through.
It's fine dear,don't feel pity for me though,it made me who i M today,thanks for your concern @kanuprecious
@ladyofpolicy dear its good to know you're a strong woman! I dont feel pity, I admire your strength.
Thanks love,I appreciate @kanuprecious
Waooh that is so serious? Thats abuse and sad. Am sorry for the treatment you received. This is extreem
Thank you sir @focusnow
Ladyofpolicy I like this name. You aren't a mistake sometimes it happens like that
Hi daer @kingcent,thanks for that word,I never see myself as a mistake,I am part of God's agenda....hahahahh
The Lord is good hopefully you turn a pastor someday....
Hahahahahahahaha
It's not my calling dear,I have a calling to fight for girl child and I must work towards that dear @kingcent
When you say fight for girl child educate us more please....
@kingset, anticipate a post about this topic from me
@ladyofpolicy. You really had a difficult childhood. Am sorry about that. It no doubt had some effects on you. The sex education is something that is really lacking in host homes. When do you think is the best time to start? And who should handle sex education at home?
Thank you sir @focusnow for this question, considering the time we are into now, internet has made everything open that even in our homes it pops up as an advert on our home videos,so as for this reason,at the age of 10,every child both male and female should have known everything about themselves to avoid mistakes.
Furthermore,it's not just a duty of a single parent,both the father and mother has a sole responsibility of achieving this in their home,thanks.
Hey @ladyofpolicy i don't think it was a mistake. The mistake would have been you not been here for us...But i know all what parents do, they do that do love
2
I will do that. My Dad was more like my friend. I do call him my roommate. This was possible because of how he related to me.
Hi @tambarie,you're really lucky,mine is just a wish that in my next world if there be ,I will like to have a lovely and complete family from childhood who will always back me up and discipline me in love
You have the opportunity to offer your kids whatever you wish a perfect family should be.
Hi @tambarie i use to instead see my dad as an enemy until i grew big and realised he did all he did just because of love...
One of the mistakes some parents make is by assuming that a child is still young and as such wouldn't effect the right discipline to the child.
This lukewarm attitude backfires when the child grows to adolescent age:this time,it is now DIFFICULTY to bend the child.
Very true.
When you fail to correct a child when he does something wrong, you are indirectly spoiling the child.
But it's important parents correct with love.
Definitely........you are right.
Chai Dem beat me like say no be Dem born me, u wonder at time if they were. My real parent expecially my dad..dat man don't get tired if beating me
Really, So your dad does the beating well. What is his size. Is he tall or huge? Because I know it affects your chances of escaping. @olabillions
Uncle Charles..your imagination is 100 percent
My dad is tall and huge..
Escape is not am option..the only option is to run pass the main door which is no possible..
Haha...same here oo..never possible.
Na just to prepare for beating @olabillions
Hahahaha. "Size"@focusnow..Remembered when my mum sad on me one time and was pounding me with her bare hands...I had to contain the blows and the weight at the same time...African mums..i hail
Hahahhahah @olabillions,I no say as they dey beat you ,you still dey do that thing weh make them beat you before
Noo. Oo
I don grow na
😂😂😂
One thing I love about my dad (among others) is that he doesn't hit women. If I do something that annoyed him, he will just hand me over to the soldier of the house (my mum).
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Becky.
Finish the story. What does mum do. Lets say you broke a glass cup or plate. Or did something terrible
Awnnn. Chai. My own dad was the soldier of the house. I remember one time the man flogged me with naked wire. Kia....I planned to run out of the house but never did. Lol @beckie96830
Chai. I felt this way at some point in my life especially for my mum. Turned out the woman was my real mother after all,but she flog me well ohh
@kanuprecious. Waooh those big canes are really fearful. Although I believe their form of discipline shaped you as an adult. What other alternatives do you think are effective instead of beating
@focusnow sir.Even though i appreciate my mum now for the way she trained me, i will try talking with my children and talking to them too. Some of these children go through a lot and parents might not know because they dont dialogue.
It was very tough when I was a kid
My parents made daily schedule
Like they gave me time on when am out side
When am to return the
And if am late , I will collect 10 strokes of cane.
It was not easy for me then.
Main honestly my dad's punishment is not funny more especially when he angry he can flog someone to coma, he will flog you until you are tired of being crying, that's not good
Although it's nice to discipline a child but when it exceeds the normal range it becomes a abnormal, the discipline becomes cruel, I will be discipline my children and punish them when necessary but not to the extent my dad did to me.
Answer number 2
I won't do the same thing to my kids
I handle on different way
Not letting kids out . sometimes the child will not be bold to talk out side the house
There mates will itimedate them.
Good evening all,
How did your parents discipline you when you where small??
Well, for me My parents are highly-disciplined, and they offer their disciplines based on Bible guidelines, But Jokes apart my Dad was known for his best flogging, he can beat up the impossible in you making sure you don't go the wrong direction ooh my God.
Will you do the same as parents if you have your own kids ??
#yes Of course, reason is because that will keep my kids very disciplined.
What is the mistake parents makes that you would like to avoid
Giving out their chirldren to Live with their relations or going into HouseBoy/girl stuff
Such can't be on my part.
Yes. Its really wrong to beat a child too much. What other ways can we discipline kids instead of flogging
Denying the child from having or eating his or her meal at a particular period of time.
Denying the child from playing outside (grounded).
That would nice.
1.Hello @focusnow and my fellow steemians....
Discipline was handled both by my mum and dad..my dad usually work with a cane while my mum will usually just correct you with her bare hands....i even sustained injuries during some of these beatings in the form of corrections.
2.I have a got a kid now , but i prefer talking to to him and involving him in a discussion, but. But i think calling a spade a spade is still very necessary.
3.Being too harsh on kids only make them run away from you as a parent. I think i will correct my kids with love and rather pull them closer to me so they can open up to me rather than opening up to strangers....
One more think i won't love my kids to do is to always leave the parlour when ever i come home like i use to do with my dad....😁😁
One mistake and I notice is that some parents think that discipline is all about punishing a child but that's not it, I punishment is only part of discipline, but effective discipline is to help a child reason on the reason why he or she should avoid a certain course, by helping him reason on the danger and the consequences of his actions and how his actions will affect others such a child will readily appreciate and apply any council received in such a manner in the spirit of love. then if necessary certain privileges may be withheld from the child as a way of discipline him until he improves in his use of such privilege and he will have it back. and when the child damage things you may allow him to figure out how to fix it by so doing you are teaching him to be responsible and that his actions have consequences which he need to stand up for, instead of cleaning up his mess at all time
Answer number three
Ya parents do make mistakes.
The particular one I will like avoid is
comparison .
I mean comparing other children with my kids .
By telling them see Emmanuel, he is your mate he have achieved so many things in life.
While all you know is to eat
Perents can make mistake but there are some mistakes that can affect children or your child as perents and this mistakes is what I will absolutely avoid.
Some of the mistakes are:
Overlooked a child when he or she does something that needs discipline.
Wrong advise ie advising your child wrongly.
Doing wrong things in the present of your child thinking that he or she is still a child.
Fighting with each other as parents.
My dad was a very easy going dad we didnt have issues with him but my mum, that one na wahalla my mum flog hell out of me. My mama wey de call police for me. I fear that woman oo. To the extent she used turning garri stick to break my head.
2)i will not do that to my kids oo. I will not over pamper them or maltreat them.
3)comparing my children with another children. For example my friends child is doing well more than my child, when ever am with my children i will be like are u not seeing your mate doing well and you are here doing nothing. To me it is very bad
3
Shouting at kids. Making your children scared of you. I want my children to be free with me and should be able to share their secrets with me.
Good evening steemians this is a nice topic on ground at this time.
Nice question for me I grew up knowing that I was born into a Christian family, my both parents where strong believers that gave me room to be addicted to things of #God. My discipline I received was in the bath of flogging my dad can flog ooh my God. Anyday I refuse going to church massive flogging.
To answer the question straight #yes reason been that my kids will be very disciplined and courageous. They are my blood so they won't misbehave that one is for sure.
Giving my child to go live with someone elso
I think most parents of this days just let their children go stay with someone. Honestly it's a mistake even though I don't have money it's a lie ooo anything I eat we eat then together I need train then in a way that they will have the fear of God very important.
Waooh. You embraced christianity by will I say a little force, hahahaha. Because if you remember the canes, you will get ready for church.
Child loan - or giving your child to live with someone else is terrible. It has led to many ruined childhoods. Do you know why some parents still do it no matter the dangers?
Yea. I attribute it to poverty if not I don't just see any reason. No one will treat your child better than the way you will do. That's for sure
When I was young I couldn't face my dad to ask for school fee I will have to send my money or the last child of the family..the strictness made me see him in a different way...
Has his son I should be able to interact with y dad as if he was my mate..but them that can never happen because seeing him sef am scared already..
How was your behavior then.....
This is one of the reasons i go against excessive beatings. You end up making the child more stubborn or scared of you. I dont want that biko!
@benton3 That's it, to Ballance the pampering and the flogging is very important.
Thanks for sharing