How To NOT Write the 'How To Steemit' Post

in funny •  4 months ago

Are you a content producer who arrived with high hopes and dreams of being the best?
After a few weeks did you finally realize you have nothing good to say?
Is Steemit the only thing on your mind?
Is it starting to piss you off but you don't want to sound negative?

Are you all out of ideas now?

Did you just see someone make $50 telling people who already know how to steemit, how to steemit?
Does that seem like a good idea so now you want to try it?

Stop.jpeg

Step away from the keyboard.

Go find something else to do for a few days.

Take a break.

We already have thousands of How To Steemit posts.  They all look the same!

The people with the high value votes already know how this place works.  They will not be interested in your:

  1. Think before you write.
  2. Typos are bad, mmmkay?
  3. Include images because everyone has A.D.D. and are naturally drawn to flashy colors.
  4. Oh! Wow! I just noticed something!
  5. And don't forget to format! format! format!

Sure

Maybe the noobs will be all over that shit.

But do you really want everyone acting like you and cramping your style?

no.jpeg

You don't!

That's your competition!

Make them suffer!

If you think you have an edge, shut up, because you won't have that edge anymore after opening your big mouth.

Take me for instance.  Do you see me telling anyone about how I had nothing to write about today so I just did this?  No, you don't, and there's a good reason for that.

Do you see me telling anyone about how when I don't have anything to write about, I simply do the exact opposite of what everyone else does when they don't have anything to write about?  Of course you don't.

If I taught everyone how to simply start mashing random keys until words come out all while adding the random thoughts my brain farts out every now and again, I'd be out of a job!

Some other things I'm not going to tell you today are:

  1. Be as vague as possible.
  2. Use exclamation points so people pay attention to you!
  3. Sit and laugh at your own stupidity.
  4. The first letters of each line should spell 'busted' for some strange reason.
  5. Eventually.
  6. Don't edit out the parts like this that shouldn't be here.

Busted

For shit-posting.

Now all I have to do is apply the 'funny' tag.  That gives me a pass to do whatever the hell I want and if people don't find it funny I can simply play dumb, put a blank look on my face, throw my hands up and say, "Well, I tried. See you tomorrow!"

NoNamesLeftToUse - Yeller.jpeg

It might be cloudy outside

but my mind is clear.

And that's why I can't think of anything better to write about!

But this freedom I have to do whatever I want on my blog is brilliant!  Why didn't I think of this years ago?!

Oh wait!  I did!  And I've been doing whatever I want ever since.

Now, I realize some purists might come along and stick their noses up in the air so they can smell my shit post better.  That doesn't matter though.

How To Steemit

Do whatever you want.

Less pressure means more folks can join in on the fun.  Not everyone is what they call a professional content producer when they arrive but that doesn't mean they won't get the hang of it after feeling comfortable knowing it truly doesn't matter what they write about.

Allow yourself to let go of perfection every now and again but do follow the basics.  It's still wise to format your shit posts and fix errors as a courtesy to those who might look.  That's common sense.  We don't need thousands of posts repeating that same message continuously.

My experience here tells me our true followers, fans and friends will not turn their backs on us for having fun and enjoying an off day. It's all good, so you can relax now.

Have a nice day.

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"If I gave myself the Shit Post of the Day Award, it would be an inside job."

© 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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This is the best how to post I read...
You probably know why...

Because there is a take home message:

Go find something else to do for a few days."

If you think you have an edge, shut up, because you won't have that edge anymore after opening your big mouth.

I simply do the exact opposite of what everyone else does

I have no original ideas and I don't care, I just borrow from the best.

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Those words actually make a decent little meme don't they!

I don't know if this is a masterpiece or a shitpost... but it's one of the best how to steemit guides I have seen.

I turned back to check for a busted hidden message at the beginning and was disappointed :-(

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It's a shit post, and that's why I love it.

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Haha I love that wording. I also love shitposts. At least this one was helpful though!

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It wasn't helpful; it was shitful.

That reminds me. I don't think I have done a How To Steemit post yet!

hahahahahhahahahahah

But I might just give that a miss
Unless
Susan
Tries to make me feel
Extra sexy with her
Dancing.

But who the funt is Susan?

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Bottoms inside Susan's
Underwear
Should not
Touch the ground here on
Earth or even
During floods.

That still doesn't explain who Susan is though. It actually doesn't make any sense at all and this remains a mystery for the ages.

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Bugger, quite
Unusually I suspect
Susan will be long on our minds
Till the sands of time for us at least
End by our timeous
Deaths

Ooft, that went dark. Damn you Susan!!

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Better not
Underestimate the power of
Susan
The
Enigmatic
Delusion

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Because
Ultimately
She will
Take
Everything you hold
Dear!

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Blast these
Unrealistic
Superficial
Tyrants from hell who
Expect everything to be handed to them on
Demand!

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Bravely we must
Unite!
Standing
Tall
Eventually we will
Defeat them!!!

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Boldly we go into the
United
States of America
To find this menace and
Extinguish her
Desire to destroy!

I just sit down say idgaf (i dont give a fuck) and start writing whatever the hell i want... something i realized when i was 9 watching late night shows of weird fetishes, there are people that like all sorts of things... i once saw a guy that liked his balls to be steped on by a women in boots! So, just write! anything that comes from the heart is good enough imo, sharing opinions and learning in the process!

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Jerry Seinfeld made something like a billion dollars, and his show was about nothing every time. So yeah, it's safe to say people will enjoy, whatever.

I think that this type of "how to steemit" posts are getting outdated. As you said some common sense needs to be part of a post, but getting in others frameworks it's just like a monkey trying to become a human being. I had a teacher in high-school that always gave us the originality point for not copying from others and that was the incentive for being original and true to yourself. I, myself, have noticed that when I try to fit in others patterns and "be successful like they" always fail. However when I just let my thoughts and opinions feel the page not only that I get more upvotes, but comments also, that in my opinion, are a sign of success as well as upvotes. To end my long comment short I will say that originality always pays off.

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I've seen the same Five Easy Steps post written 500 different easy ways and not once did I ever leave feeling empowered.

Be Yourself instead of Be original like me. Nobody wants to follow a tree. Five people could all write about trees. The one who wrote about their personal experience with the tree will get the attention every time.

It's a metashitpost. That's different. I hope somebody posts in response to this post, so we could have a metametashitpost. That should clear up all those writer's blocks people write about.

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A metashitpost I pulled straight out of the metashit cabinet.. whatever that means.

I love the irony contained deep within these I have writer's block posts. Maybe I'll do it all again tomorrow and just say it's getting worse.

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Metashit abounds on Steemit; it is a very lucrative type of content.

Writing about writer's block seems to be the instant solution for writers, but what is a photographer to do?

Anyway, I did my best to make a shitpost just now, I even tagged it "shitpost" for the less observant. I would humbly like to apply for your Shit Post award.

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LOL
^ that was my megametametashitpost response.

It takes a lot of practice and genuine talent to become a shitpost master. But it does help, when everything goes blank just try hitting those keys, the rest will follow and even if they don't you can always post a kitty picture or video, they always love cat videos!

From all this, I'm sticking to the NO picture. With the fires and stuff we've been dealing with here, it's the perfect message to those out there who destroy parts of our country almost every year in their greed hunt...

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I have a kitten I could be taking pictures of! Why did I waste an hour writing this piece of shit post!

That is quite symbolic when you put it that way. I know about fires all too well.

Screenshot (402).png
Each one of those dots is a current active wildfire in Canada.

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Oh, it seems like wildfires pop out like mushrooms there. It's just really sad...
Almost 80 people have died, houses, cars, towns have been burnt to the ground. Everybody is talking about it on TV, social media, it's hard not to think about it today...

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It's normal but it's not normal. Some are caused naturally, some are because of careless people... and of course there's always an arsonist. Happens every year though. Recently a city of 60000 nearly burnt to the ground but I can't seem to remember which one it was. I'm going to go look into your situation over there. I honestly didn't know how severe it was because I cut myself off from the media quite often.

Someone had to say it. The only improvement I can think of is to use the actual Steemit tag! Nice yellow man. lol

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I thought about using that tag but then all those hundreds of people who wrote the How To Steemit post recently might take offense...

He made a shitty post, called it peanut butter toast and we all ate it with a smile, said it didn't taste like bile, said it smelled like a fragrant rose as Himself held his nose and grinned into his hand at his successful master plan.....

If this was a shit post I might have the wrong definition of one in my mind, lol ;)

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Shit posts are acceptable blogging behavior. Straight up garbage is garbage. Learn your shit. That's a good slogan!

If you don't do whatever the fuck you want on your blog, is it ever really your blog?

More people just need to do what they like and are good at instead of whatever everyone else tells them to do.

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Some are either playing follow the leader or chasing that money and not realizing that means they can only stay behind.

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It tickles me a lot that most of the "how to" posters are our communities biggest shitposters too. It is really sad that the new people get trapped by that chase.

I like how much Jerry makes now that he is blacklisted, lol.

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I haven't looked to see what he's up to since his self-inflicted steemicide attempt.

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lol, about $7 total with 800+ or so alt account votes.

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That just proves his entire business plan how to Steemit (buy votes, buy your following, yadda-yadda-yadda) doesn't work. Many of us pointed out how that doesn't work here long ago, people asked for proof, there it is. Why they continue to try it, with proof it doesn't work, means those people deserve to waste that money and time.

I have so many ideas I murder a man with them once. The great news about that is I get to make a blog post one day about going to jail! The content just keep rolling in!!!!!

Now excess me I need go make content about where I’m hiding out! See content just keeps rolling in like the high seas of a swimming pool.

water.jpg

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I see faces in that water. Wow! There's like a whole tribe in there! The ghosts of murders past, perhaps?

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I see a bunny holding up a rubber duck! Oh no now you know about the rubber duck. Hmmmmm. He knows to much.

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Insanity is this song playing during a murder scene.

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The maze goes deep with this one. The duck quacks at noon.

I'm with @lunaticpandora im somewhere in between pitchforking and resteeming.

hahahhhah

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The pitchfork is the best way to clean up shit. I grew up on a farm. That's how I know.

I love shit post cause finally shit got value.

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Shit is mooning!

Dude this post was full of epic advice but I took this one to heart:

Step away from the keyboard. Go find something else to do for a few days.

This is literally the mother of all advice when it comes to "How to stop yourself from shit posting"

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I took a day off yesterday and probably should have taken a day off today as well but then I thought, "No, these people need to learn something today and I need to be the one to teach them." Genius.

I kind of shit-posted tonight. My heart wasn't in it, but I still kind of felt like writing. Shit posting is complex sometimes.

I could paint a piece of shit to present you with if you actually were to shit post, but you don't have a shit post in you. Which is a relief, because that was a bluff - I have a strong gag reflex. I can't paint you shit.

That alien guy up there looks pretty happy. You seem to be in a positive mood today. Wait, no, now that I look again it seems that he is beckoning me over to eat me. Tricky.

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That's Yeller and he never knows what to do with his hands. Nobody ever knows if they're coming or going.

I read your post, that wasn't shitty. Have you heard of #Ulog? I'm not 100% sure if there's a certain criteria that must be met but I think your style might fit in to that growing niche. It's seems to be more people focused than content driven so I assume posts like that would fit in nicely. There's a place for everything here it seems.

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Yea, I've used #ulog before, but I wasn't entirely sure that I was supposed to be either :) I can't bring myself to title things "Ulog # 5..." like most people do.

Yeller. Wholesome name for a creepy guy - a good balance.

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Any time I'm asked to butcher the headline or use a specific tag, I feel somewhat uncomfortable doing it. Like my previous post for instance. If I would have placed 'comedyopenmic round 24 entry' in the headline, that would have ruined the joke. As corny as it was, it needed to be a surprise.

Shit posts, formatted posts, how-to posts... there's a different flavor for everyone. That's why I love Steemit.

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I need to learn new languages and those fancy alphabets so I can enjoy cultured shit posts as well.

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pfffft
Just stick your pinky out and you'll have everyone fooled.

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I just did that with my coffee and now feel sophisticated enough to go iron a tie, or something.

Sir this is a good post sir. Sir I am scared of that yellow happy gremlin with 3 fingers on each hand... Sir he is not from Earth...

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Sir, from where do you get these strange comments from?

"If I gave myself the Shit Post of the Day Award, it would be an inside job."

I don't mean to brag, but I honestly think that the 'Shit Post of the Day Award' should go to me for This Steeming pile of dung!

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No dude, I was just there paying you a visit and it was too good to qualify for something so prestigious.

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Aw man, I really thought I had it with that one! 😥

That’s why my “how to” posts are all just misinformation :)

Also really agree with the “do whatever you want” thought, its the perfect playground to try new things.

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The perfect place to master misinformation with a smile!

Well, I think you hit the funny tag pretty well.

Take me for instance. Do you see me telling anyone about how I had nothing to write about today so I just did this? No, you don't, and there's a good reason for that.

LOL I love the irony of the entire post, it's probably one of the most complex expressions of not having anything to write that I have seen.

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Between the lines... so that's where my post went today! Thanks for finding it!

Because I'm at work
Unique comment I will not make
So
This is the best
Example of a
Dreadful comment just to interact
Okay that was terrible, I tried, I'm bored and I wanted to try the busted thing.

Include images because everyone has A.D.D. and are naturally drawn to flashy colors.

This made me laugh so much my coworkers turned and looked at me like I'm a crazy woman, psh.
But on a more serious note, yes I have stopped myself from posting more things because they're not steemit worthy but what is steemit worthy, anyways? I'm still figuring it out.
Meh.

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Been awhile since you showed
Up under one of my
Super-awesome
Things with words some folks
Enjoy
Daily.

I think nearly everything is Steemit worthy, provided one at least remembers to apply their personality to each post somehow. I mean, sharing a random picture of video from the internet is kind of pointless without some commentary at least, ya know?

Meh indeed. Nice to see you again though.

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Hehe, yes, I took a little break, but I'm back!

Always wondered if there was a trick to it.

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That's why shirts have sleeves!

Ah the funny tag! The free pass to make your post as ridiculous! As possible! Did the exclamation points get your attention?!

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Yes! I'm all ears! Or eyes! Whatever! You know what I mean!

Shitty post that made more sense 💪

Very good thanks a lot

Congratulations @nonameslefttouse!
Your post was mentioned in the Steemit Hit Parade in the following category:

  • Comments - Ranked 8 with 96 comments

Hahaha It was interesting the way you started preventing others to not write how to steemit posts and you ended up doing so, but in an attractive way.

yes steemit the only thing that on my mind...because it's a big and great platform....

Love the message you are sending. Exactly what I do!

Just like you mate.