Leitner - Week #46 of Finish the Story

in #finishthestory5 years ago (edited)

Leitner

by @dirge

Benjamin Leitner, son of General Reinold Leitner, grandson of Count Dietrich Leitner, stepped from the stagecoach and lit his pipe. The night was cold, the sky a vast black emptiness. The moon, if it had shown itself at all that night, was gone, and nothing but the light cast by Benjamin’s lantern offered solace from the creeping dark.

He’d reached the graveyard, home of his family tomb and its historic dynasty. It was a forbidden place, the site of his late mother’s suicide, where Leitners were entombed stretching back centuries. He hated this place, more than anywhere else on earth. But he’d come, alone as ordered to. He’d come, as he had no other option but to do so. And he’d brought the gold.

The letter was written in her typical style. Loquacious, expounding on the nature of their relationship, apologizing for her affairs, thanking him for standing by her throughout it, remaining at her side despite all the controversy of the town. Despite even her own parents telling him to abandon her as a lost cause.

She’d not only dragged herself down into the mud. But him as well. Benjamin the financier, of Wolfstone and Kauffman, now the cuckold of all of Austria. But worst of all, she’d tarnished the name of Leitner.

And when the accusation came, of witchcraft and devilry, of black magic and the most bestial of sacrilege, of whoring in the night endowed with opiates unto madness. Well, it was no wonder when Kauffman wanted out.

And still he stood by her.

Should he have been surprised when the letter came, demanding the last of his finances or else she’d accuse him in the papers of having masterminded it all? Of being an original scholar of the black arts?
That would render the Leitner name into devilry.

No. He couldn’t allow that.

Benjamin finished his pipe, the tobacco charred and ashen. He cast the ash into the wind then slipped the cherry wood pipe into his coat pocket, beside the letter crested with her seal.

Melinda. Oh, you wench.

I’ll be in the crypts, waiting.

He suspected she wasn’t alone. Benjamin suspected the whole carnal tribe to be down there, waiting for her.

Well, so much the better. Let them all wait for his arrival. Let them all see the truth, the forbidden history denied to the world. Stretching back into the foundation of the soil. Let them know who it was that the Leitner’s may be.

He stepped across the grass, peering at the graves of his forbears till he reached the central crypt. The iron gate was ajar and the darkness seemingly impenetrable. They were down there, waiting for him.

“Melinda,” Benjamin said to himself. “It could have been different. So different. But you threatened my name. For that, I cannot forgive you.”

He entered the crypts.

“Time to meet the family,” he thought to himself, almost with a laugh.

Source

My entry:


Benjamin was able to see a silhouette at the bottom of the crypt. Melinda? No! It was a rather coarse silhouette, not very funny, much taller than Melinda, but it was still familiar to him.

“I was sure you would come,” the deep and serene voice broke the silence betraying the identity of the silhouette that every second became more familiar in the middle of the penumbra.

Kauffman, damn it. How could I be deceived in this way? Leitner reacted to his insides.

“Well, I lost the bet,” A second voice appeared behind, near the entrance. The hitherto unnoticed presence closed the iron fence so that a cornered Benjamin Leitner could not escape, an action that was unnecessary, because he had the intention of getting to the bottom of the matter. Why all this farce? The letter, Melinda, the gold. What the hell was going on?

“What do you want?” said an immute Benjamin, his angry eyes twinkled in the darkness.

“You may have already realized that you have committed a great imprudence in coming here. Now we are sure that it is all true. It's you! together with that witch who caused the mysterious deaths of the unborn in the village. and now here, in the place where the remains of your ancestors lie, you will pay for your sins.”

A torch had been lit by the improvised jailer while Kauffman pulled out of his pockets a container of holy water and a small bag containing the remains of Benjamin's father.

Benjamin was standing in the middle of a circle drawn on the floor together with symbols of ancient runes. In the middle of all this embarrassing spectacle full of the grossest clichés he laughed out loud.

“You call me reckless and yet it is you who dare to confront me in the loneliest darkness and underground, using ruses that serve no purpose against someone of my ilk, you are insane.”

He took out his pipe and filled it with tobacco in front of a dubious Kauffman who was beginning to lament his actions, he lit it and inhaled an elongated, deep breath. A necessary pause to recover from the surprise given by this pair of individuals.

He breathed out! a lot of smoke began to come out of Benjamin's mouth, a smoke that began to mix with the shadows and covered everything around the crypt, the torch light went out, the silhouettes of the three men vanished and the darkness regained its place.

Ten o'clock in the morning, a crowd has gathered outside the bank, they have caught Mr. Kauffman, who all morning has tried to hang everyone who approaches him. Dementia! no doubt all that stress caused by being in charge of the main bank of Austria would be the main cause, The poor man never rested, now they have tied him, they get him in the car, they take him away.


This is a participation for the Finish The Story - Week #46 from @bananafish. I hope you like it there, do not hesitate to comment.

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Awesome. You're an unexpected surprise @darthgexe. One of the best crafted short stories that I read so far.

First of all: congrats on actually getting that @curie upvote. So that's coolio we get to see old and new members always get an upvote from them and help sustain operations here. I won't go on about the prompt because that is of @dirge's and I shall leave any comment related to that only in connection to the entry/ending. Withal (Even so), let's get cracking and into the post:

Now I noticed immediately that there's no italicization for internal monologue from the prompt side. That easily can lead to confusion for people checking out this post and just reading who might slip up and not realize a subtle shift into inner monologuing and just "regular telling" (I say this because I utterly despise a rule I shall not name and writing is telling, just how eloquent is it is what matters). To pick on @dirge's reply to your entry: "the format regarding the dialog was confusing. You should consider using the standard "dialog markers" to make it easier for the reader." - I agree with what is stated here and you should definitely employ dialogue markers. Here are some, just delete the quotation marks: <"i"> <"strong"> <"em">. The entry picture is rather appropriate (and sourced as well), love me graveyards of course~ To not be nitpicky, but I felt like a train hit me when "He breathed out! a lot" came; my middle English and Romantic language sympathies tell me to not care. But my modern English sympathies want to say that for future fiction-crafting to keep an eye out for silly mistakes like that; especially with how rule-twisty this language is. Same here: "Dementia! no doubt" However this can be easily fixed by a period replacing this comma: ", The"

La filosofía (The philosophy): Admittedly, this entry definitely feels like some Enlightenment Science approach to this whole manner. What I mean here is that Science (with a uppercase S there) is the demystifying process that seeks out to uproot all. Here we see Benjamin definitely going ham and relentlessly deflecting the mysticism all about to the point where Mr. Knauffman just is shamed by the end and has his entire ideology (and culture) shattered in front of him. To the point that even the littlest of existence that dares defy his class (as a bourgeois person who's tasked by society to be a banker dealing with financial capital) like "The poor" are up for hangings. (Which very much reflects the Victorian era politics and the brutal treatment of proles and recent proletarianized peasants.) With the mental image of the World first reinforced by his class interests and religious superstition threatened, it gives a wake call to him (and in fact all of Austria's bourgeoisie) that you can't use Feudal-Mercantile SuperStructural logic (Ideology and Culture) against itself. Thus forcing him to come to terms of that and seeking other ways to deal with a decaying Feudal-Mercantile past. A much of a play between the ruling classes of central-southern-eastern Europe at the time, the dance of culture and ideology versus the growth of a new base (economy of the Capitalist era) versus the dying old base (economy of the Feudal-Mercantile era).

So happy fiction-crafting and happy steeming!

Thank you very much for your good comment.

English is not my mother tongue and I may be taking a little risk writing fiction in this language. But I couldn't be out of FTS!

I apologize for the format that I used before in the dialogues, I have listened to your advice and that of @dirge and I have edited it for a better understanding.

Writing in English is also a personal challenge which helps me to improve my wording in both Spanish and English. I just ask you to be a little patient with my writing and please do not fail to point out the flaws that I may come to commit, the latter does not bother me, on the contrary I appreciate it.

Welcome for the comment! ~^^~
English ain’t mines either, it would technically be Polish. And I only say that is because I was forced to learn the language alone while having a speech inpediment. So that was annoying to get into English; I still have to unpeck my knowledge of and learn the English language despite what you see above.

Nie, nie. Nae apologize to anyone; it’s just your dialogue markers weren’t part of English conventions.

I ain’t a snivveling anglo nor an imatient Yankee. I thought the English here was fine and wouldn’t mind it. Just they might do and will be pissy about it, so I decided to do this now so you won’t make those mistakes again which will help you avoid those dick heads.

Once again, thanks for the story!~

It is important to only inhale, never exhale the smoke or you get thrown in the slammer.

welcome to the @bananafish realms and congrats on the curie. awesome

Ha Ha! Humor a clever twist in a horror tale. You've got the knack: Be true to the beginning and still make it your own. Welcome to the story tellers.

Hi darthgexe,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Wow thank you very much for the support, an honor to be taken into account among so many quality post. @curie rocks!

the format regarding the dialog was confusing. You should consider using the standard "dialog markers" to make it easier for the reader.

I didn't expect to see Knauffman, that knavish financier! Of course he'd try to expel the Leitners of their darkness. But what a sorry attempt, and he got what he deserved.

I will take into account the standar dialogue markers for the future, thank you for pointing it out.

I'm glad you like how the kauffman rascal gets what he deserves.

Hi, @darthgexe!

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Nice story👍👏

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Great ending to this amazing tale. And congrats on the first entry. Great way to blaze the @bananafish trail.

Thank you @cyemela, I know that there will be very good entries the story base is very rich and gives a lot to do.

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