What It Means To Be A Woman

Challenge Accepted.
Hosted by @beanz.

In celebration of International Women's Day, Ms. Beanz is hosting a contest and asking various questions. I chose the topic What It Means To Be A Woman, simply because that is what I am.

There was a time that women were given away as a child in marriage and life was very short. Unfortunately, in some countries this custom still exists. Not long ago a woman was lucky to live into her 30's, and that was considered fortunate. Many of us grew up being told that when we have our first menstruation that that is when we become a woman. As young girls growing into womanhood we may have been told that the first time we have sex is when we become a woman.

Oftentimes, women are told who and what we are before we even realize what makes a woman. Our classmates, teachers, professors, parents, siblings, grandparents all want to guide and shape us into either who they are, or someone better than who they are. The same was true for me.

The only difference is that I was a rebel and from the time I was a child I did what I wanted and as Frank Sinatra sings, I did it my way. (Although, I'm not nearly dead yet.)

I remember the first time someone tried to tell me what to do, and that would be my mother yelling at me to let me in the bathroom to give me a bath. I had locked the door and said I would do it myself. I was five years old. I still hear this story many years later. Mothers!

Let me not forget walking up the hills of San Francisco, and my mother tried to make me walk up that darn hill and I was just too tired. I was getting yelled at again, and she kept walking until she reached the top (cursing and threatening she would leave me forever) and I was still at the bottom of the hill. It was a very steep hill so I stood right in my spot until she came and picked me up. Sorry mom.

My point here is that our history shapes us and helps us become who we are, it was through many of these types of experiences that gave me the strength to be the woman that I am today. Some people may call this stubborn, strength, or hard headedness. I simply call it knowing who I am, and loving myself. These feelings of self-empowerment were always within me, and these inner strengths is what helps a woman get through the daily struggles a woman has to overcome in her lifetime.

I was very fortunate that my mother helped to raise me with self-esteem and the knowledge to figure out situations in order to survive. It is true, the formative years of learning are so very important.

When my family moved to Hawaii, Japan, and Korea I was allowed to walk the streets alone and to learn the language and cultures on my own. I picked up many languages by just having regular conversations while going grocery shopping, taking walks, or meeting new neighbors. My mother rarely ventured outside except to teach English to a few millionaires my father knew.

I would go off on my own, accompanied by many of these people who would take me on day trips all over the country in limousines and helicopters. There was always a sense of adventure and confidence that everything around me was to be an education and appreciated. As I look back today, this experience taught me to love all cultures and allow these experiences to happen with open arms. To be openminded to all who may have a different lifestyle, language, or custom because they may add so much to my life. As a woman, this life lesson had opened so many doors because of allowing no judgments to ever cross my mind.

As I got older, my mother turned to drugs and I left home at 16 years old. I became a couch surfer and lived on the streets, sometimes wandering for hours by taking different buses with my local bus pass until midnight, and crashing at anyone's couch that was kind enough to take me in. Life was not easy at this point, and life as a woman was very confusing. It was a struggle just to survive and try to graduate high school. Forget having a boyfriend, joining school clubs, or having a normal life. Finding food to eat and a place to sleep was priority. Through these years I truly learned to hone my instincts and not allow anyone to control my life but me. Men have a hard time understanding this type of independence, many times the men in my life have felt it is a threat. In all honesty it was years of being on my own and surviving that created a very strong sense of being a strong female, and there is nothing wrong with being a strong woman.

After graduating high school I put myself through an office training program and then attended junior college for a couple of years on scholarship. As you may recall, that young girl who wanted to give herself her own bath at 5 years old, well that personality never went away. There is always a way to make it in this world and if that means creating a way, then that is what we must do as women. We hold so much power to make things happen and that includes anything we may want in this world.

Shortly thereafter I moved to New York City and created a good life for myself. My master's degree was earned by hard work and mostly on scholarship. Working hard in a career and always participating in community engagement was a huge part of my life. Empowering women in particular through the creation of women's groups and participating in women's forums in New York City became a common activity. Through these groups I learned to appreciate strong women and be an example and teach women who may not be as strong. This did not mean that I did not have vulnerability. Quite the contrary I was very sensitive and encouraged with love.

As a woman, I have had to fight off molestation, rape, men who felt they could control me, objectification, narcissism, and many other things all women must face. For most of my life it was a struggle, since I basically raised myself and I was very vulnerable to male domination. It took a long time for me to learn that I could be strong and loved by men too. There are many men out in the world that do love a strong woman. Believe me when I say this was a fight within myself, because as all women we sometimes feel we have to act a certain way to obtain the perfect man. It took courage and honesty to break through the barrier of doubt and just be me.

It was at a moment when I finally achieved peace and acceptance that things really started to change. Something clicked internally and it was finally okay to acknowledge my strength without embarrassment and that the flair of rebellion and adventure was just a part of who I am. I finally loved myself. Just as it is okay for any woman to be who you are and to be loved for who you are. We all deserve to be loved.

There is a deep gratitude to the women I feel a connection to who paved the way for us. Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Joan of Arc, and sorry here ... but I do love me some Wonder Woman. My true loves are the Goddesses, The Divine, Mother Teresa, and so many more women that go back to the ancients. The strong women of my lineage, the medicine women that died for the sake of their children, for them I will forever be grateful. The DNA that runs through my veins has kept me strong through some unbelievably difficult times. My matriarchs and teachers who have been by my side the entire time. I have never been alone. They taught me to always be a strong woman and not to be ashamed of showing kindness and love. It is only through these acts that we can truly be complete.

Through life lessons and the fact that love is really what completes us, I took on a new path. I am now empowering women through being a Doula. Assisting women in their own natural care and bringing in new life is amazing, what better way than to show support and power to womanhood. I am truly blessed.

As time passed I was able to forgive my mother and push through abandonment issues by her not being there for me. Today, we have a very loving relationship. That small rebellious girl who did not want to climb that hill finally made it on her own, but with lots of help. It is not a weakness to say that we need each other. I have found so many mothers, sisters, cousins, and friends along the way. They have helped to make me who I am today. I am woman. Peace.

To enter this amazing contest click here.

I found this contest through the daily list generated by @moneyinfant.

Image Sources for: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

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