I know now, more than ever that she's out to ruin my life and that of my children

But she is messing with the wrong person. I don't often wallow in self-pity, but I have caught myself doing so more than once over the last couple of months. Her energy is what brings me down and as soon as she enters the house, everything shifts into her negative aura, affecting everyone around her.
Every time, I promise myself to stand up to her the next time and every time I do she goes into full-blown attack mode, leaving me angry, humiliated and frustrated. This is NOT the way I want to be and I definitely don't want to degrade to her level of consciousness which is very much driven by what they call the reptilian brain.
She's a bully, nothing more and nothing less. I've seen it in action and I can see it in her face. She's the kind of person who most likely took pleasure in torturing her non-outspoken school-mates and laughed when she made them cry.
Every time I see her, all I want to do is wipe that smug look off her face and soon, this will be exactly what will happen!
My friend J. said the other day: She speaks to you like you're a 4 year old. And that's true. Sinking to her level wouldn't even be possible to me, I am just not equipped to scoop that low.

Standing up to a bully

source: www.polyvore.com

Last Wednesday, she graced us with another visit and another 'colleague' in tow.
She introduced her colleague and then said in the same breath that this woman would be 'working with the kids.'
She didn't wait for my reply but could probably see the huge question mark on my face. She said: "She will talk to the kids, fill out a booklet with them. This is needed for the conference." I asked how this would go and they replied that that other woman would see them one by one in a room and go through the booklet. Even the youngest, who's going to be 4 in June... I told them that I didn't feel comfortable with having the kids questioned by them, simply because I don't trust them. The other woman nodded as if she understood.
J & D were here at the house at the time (I don't know how she does that, turn up every time they're here) so J. threw in her ten cents. Right away, the case worker went into full blown attack and replied (looking at J. not me):
"Well, we can also get a court order..."
The nerve of that woman is something else! Almost every conversation I have with her, there is a request, then some questions from my side and then ALWAYS a threat from her.
When they left, I was shaking with anger and fear for the next few hours.
But I guess that's what she's aiming for.

New steps

The only person who would know what to do in this case, isn't really sure this time either. I called my sister in law for advice. At first she told me to go ahead with it and that even if the kids would say anything crazy it wouldn't hold up in court. Only children over the age of 12 are taken seriously. People who have kids know that children can just say the most embarrassing things, even if they mean something completely different...the case worker has no kids...)
She then added that now was the time for my eldest to speak her mind and tell them that she is sick of their meddling.
Make it into something like: "I now feel guilty for causing you to come into our lives..." etc.
It sounded plausible, but I still don't feel good about it at all.

I sent her an email about my concerns. However, she still couldn't give me a straight answer.
Here in Ireland everything is so much different than in most other countries. My sister in law told me before, that even judges sometimes make their own rules as they go.
Letting it come to them getting a court order, can be a bad thing. You're on the judge's radar as being non-compliant.
She told me that it is very hard for her to give me advice in this as she hasn't met the social worker nor her team leader and it's hard to guess an outcome.
Her advice: "Will the social worker be present or just the interviewer? It would be better if it was just the interviewer. There is no need for anyone else to be on their side. (they said it would just be the interviewer, but that's if you trust their word). You could ask for the sessions to be recorded so it won’t be possible to put words on the kids mouths. (I doubt that they will agree on that). Or you could say that you would prefer to go to court about it where you would get a chance to put your side and air your concerns about the process. (very hard to tell what that could become, I don't trust judges either) Or you could say that you want to have a child protection meeting first (they said it had to be done before the meeting), you would like to have a meeting with her team leader to get some assurances of fairness before the children are interviewed. (I think this is what needs to be done first)
It is hard for me to say until I meet them and get a sense of their position..."
In other words: nothing much to work with.
What I don't understand is this: They already interviewed the kids (all except the youngest) alone when they first came to our home. Why is that not enough?

source: https://puremadangel.wordpress.com/2016/03/02/breaking-the-chains-and-rising-above-an-outdated-system/

The letter

Meanwhile, my sister in law has prepared the letter she is going to send them about attending the meeting.
Her words in that letter made me feel a bit lighter and even brought a smile to my face. Especially the signature made me laugh. (it's true though, the woman is highly educated...nothing to mess with. Very intuitive as well. Very rare in people like that).
Here is the letter she wrote (I left out names and addresses, but other than that, it's her exact words)

Dear Ms C.,

Re: Attendance at a Child Protection Conference

I am writing to seek permission to attend at a Child Protection Conference which has been organised in relation to the case of M.T. and her four minor children. She has yet to receive official confirmation of the date and time but I understand that the conference is expected to take place on Thursday 24th May in Co Mayo. I have Ms T’s permission to make this request and I will attend in the capacity of a friend and support person.
A.C. is the only child of my brother, E. C., and I consider myself to be very close to the family. M. is well known to me since she started seeing my brother, years before A.’s birth. We are in very frequent contact by phone and email, often weekly contact. Myself and my husband, G. M. have agreed to be testamentary guardians for all four children and this reflects the interest that we have taken in them.
I want to assure you that I am in a good position to understand the proceedings and will not require lengthy explanations of the process or purpose of the meeting. I teach Child Protection Law in () Institute of Technology, where I am also the Deputy Designated Liaison Person. In addition, I chair the Board of Management of a school for children with severe disabilities and I deal with all child protection and welfare issues on behalf of the school, where I interact with both Tusla and the HSE. My research area is family mediation where I am deeply involved in an action research project which encompasses the voice of the child and although primarily focused on private family law, I would sometimes deal with cases that have a public family law element.

Ms T. has kept me constantly informed of developments since a social worker, Ms C. C., became involved with the family. Her communications are increasingly distressed and I have become very concerned for her well-being. In all the years that I have known Miriam, she has shown herself to be a wonderful mother who gives all of her time and love to her children and also a woman of enormous strength who raises four children alone in a foreign country.
I have never had any concerns about the welfare of the children, have never seen evidence of neglect, abuse or ill-treatment. M. has strong views on the children’s education and she has been willing to make a commitment to home schooling, in line with her philosophy. They are intelligent and confident, their development has been on track at every stage. I thought that this would be clear at a very early stage of any engagement with services and I encouraged co-operation with Tusla.
I would very much like to attend the conference in order to understand how this situation has escalated to a point where Ms C. has actively threatened to have the children taken into care, causing enormous distress to Ms T. In addition, I have been given to understand that Ms C. has told S. (her daughter) that she, S. may have a life-long mental illness, namely bipolar disorder and this has caused foreseeable distress to S.
If I could achieve a clearer picture of events, I feel that I would be better able to offer support and advice to M., a person whom I consider to be a relative of mine, as well as a friend.

Yours sincerely,

Dr S.C., BL.

source: https://theportuguesewolf.com/2016/04/11/a-slap-in-the-face-made-in-portugal/![]

And this was the e-mail she sent me before that:

I am going to write to them today and get into the child protection meeting. We really have to meet her team leader and get the case ended, that is the number one priority. Once the case is closed, then we will make a complaint to Tusla about the social worker's behavior and if nothing becomes of that, we can go to the Ombudsman. That is why it is so important to have everything written down. That way I can see the specific parts which are most damaging to her. While she has been generally dismissive, undermining, judgmental and dishonest, she will deny that point blank. However, she told S. that she might have a life long mental illness and that is the kind of thing she will find very difficult to deny because it will be her word against S.'s. The main thing is to get the case closed, then it is time to make a complaint but you need to have a time log of all the incidents that have happened. I would bet that you are not the only person who is having problems with her, highly likely that you are not the only person who has complained!

I am completely furious about the way that you have been treated, just so angry I can't sleep some nights thinking about it. But the way to stop it is to be very calm and rational at the meeting and just ask why the case has not been closed, pressure them to close it and then hit the social worker with a complaint.

She is abusing her power, but she could never get a court order to take the children into care because they have no grounds. The constant threats to take the children and to seek court orders is abusing and malpractice in itself.

I am not worried about them talking to the children on their own, you are not hiding anything, you have never been anything but an excellent mother and they are undermining your confidence.

Their voices need to be heard because this situation is harming them and that needs to be heard.

Sit down and do a timeline of incidence and problems that you have had with her, we will bring that to the meeting and they will be on notice that you can bite back. Then watch her get all sweetness and light like any bully....

This woman is truly awesome and I feel blessed to have her in my corner.

Let's see how the bully gets after she gets BURNED!

source: www.slideplayer.com

Do you think my story is an exception? Think again!

Please read all the stories of others under the #familyprotection tag. It happens, every day and everywhere to people like you and me. It could happen to YOU! Please support @familyprotection, if there is ONE cause worth fighting for, it's this. Thank you for reading. 50% of the earned SBD will go to @familyprotection.