Dad-Chronicals : Trust and structure - basis for an obedient child
Trust and structure - basis for an obedient child
All parents want it, many can not admit it: our children should obey us. But how do you reach this goal and at the same time give your children the necessary freedom they need to develop freely and independently?
The term "obedience" awakens ambiguous feelings in us, sometimes even negatively. Our society has become so liberal that the demand for childish obedience is almost a taboo subject. Nevertheless, uneducated children who disobey their parents are a huge educational problem.
The difference between strict and consistent
We parents today do not want to be as strict to our children as our own parents often were to us. Authoritarian education is out, we know how important it is for our children to develop freely. The flip side of the coin seems to be in many families, that the kids do what they want, the word of the parents has barely any weight. This affects everyone: the parent-child relationship and, above all, the social development of the child. It is important to apply the right degree of consistency so that a child feels loved and still understood. Where severity sets strict and unintelligible rules for the children, whose non-compliance leads to punishment, the consequence is a set of rules that have been explained comprehensible to the child. Breaking these rules does not entail a draconian punishment, but a logical sanction: television is not allowed until the more important homework is done. Action or non-action and the consequent consequence are logical and do not violate the dignity of the child. There is no humiliation, the child knew what would happen if it did not follow the rules. From this consequence arises trust - namely, that the parents behave intelligible and comprehensible.
Children need clarity
Children want to know what they are about. They usually do not like surprises - apart from rewards and gifts. A child wants to be sure: When I do something specific, it always has the same effect. From this certainty, safety and confidence are formed and the child can concentrate on what is his real task, namely to get to know life and to develop oneself. This includes the orientation to the parents. Again, reliability and trust are the keys. In addition, for children, external and internal truth must be the same. If parents allow their child something, but expressing through body language and charisma that they are actually not right, the child is unsettled. The result is that it tests what perception is actually valid: what the parents say or what they radiate. They want to provoke an authentic reaction.
Structure gives support
Even if a child has a restraining effect and constantly rebels against the existing limits, it still feels it as an important clue and, ultimately, as a positive affection. When children break the rules and repeatedly come across the parental consequences, they learn: My parents are strong and important to them is what I do and how I feel. That creates security and security. This also applies to a regulated and structured daily routine. The smaller children are, the more important it is. A clear distribution of the day gives you stability and the freedom to concentrate on your own development.
Which limits are set, decide the parents
In order to integrate the child into a reliable framework, rules are inevitable. It is important to follow your own needs here. What bothers me personally? Is the relevant question. Then you should analyze your daily routine and your behavior and find out the points where missing borders make life difficult. However, you should always bear in mind that you can only authentically insist on the rules that you yourself understand and are important to you. Also, be aware of where you are always annoyed because you allow the child something, even though you do not really like what it does.
Obedience is self-evident when a child is involved in a secure environment and has learned to trust their parents 'decisions. All the reasons for disobedience such as insecurity about proscription, lack of clarity about their parents' behavior, or doubts about their behavior Competence is unnecessary. This does not mean that a child becomes a trained puppy. It recognizes the parental authority, as the parents behave accordingly: namely, clear, predictable and consistent.
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