DAD-Chronicals : No bribery is not possible - deals with your own child

bembelmaniac (65)in #dad-chronicals • 6 years ago (edited)

No bribery is not possible - deals with your own child

Blackmailing or bribing children is not possible at all - educational experts have been propagating this for years. All halfway enlightened parents know that it does not make educational sense and, above all, does not help to ban the child's television if it has not brought down the garbage or was cheeky. But quite frankly: So no bribery and blackmail comes out as well as no parent.

We want to take a little bit of a conscience here, once you have resorted to "unfair" means to make your child docile and to make everyday life easier. But we also want to say very clearly why blackmail and bribery as a parenting style can have very negative effects on the child's personality.

When will extortion and bribery begin?

Where consequences stop. Setting limits and being consistent is an important means of education, the transition to blackmail and bribery is a fine line. This is clearly illustrated by an example:

"If you do not clean up your room right now, then we will not go to the soccer match tomorrow." That's blackmail, quite clearly. If you formulate this sentence like this:

"If you do not clean up your room, you will not be able to play football later, since we have arranged that this will be done first," this will be a consequence that the child has to bear for his actions.

At first glance, this may seem like quibble about words, on the second it teaches a principle of life and education: You are responsible for what happens to you (of course, only as far as children can see it!) And have your well-being in yourself the hand. An important lesson that will be of great use to the child in his later life.

Emotional blackmail - absolutely taboo

What definitely is not, is the emotional blackmail in the form of love withdrawal. "If you do not do your homework, I do not love you anymore." Emotional blackmail triggers severe damage to the child and the adult who is once out of it, which can range up to attachment inability. But there are limits here as well - it is perfectly okay to say that the child's behavior makes you angry or sad, but you should avoid giving guilt to the child, or threatening the consequence of not being able to do so because of your behavior loves more. In children, such behavior triggers great self-doubt that suffers self-esteem. Out of the feeling that you are no longer loved because you are the way you are, children can develop true self-hatred.

What can i get?

Children, who are often blackmailed or bribed into doing or leaving things, develop a very material world view and focus on their personal advantage. "What's in it for me?" Takes the place of "Who am I doing something good for?" Children who have internalized the principle of reward for achievement, unlearn to do things just for themselves or for others because they do are beautiful, because they are fun or because someone just wants that.

Come on, let's make a deal - sometimes bribery is forgivable

Occasionally, we must and want to make all compromises, especially in child-rearing. A child who is sometimes "bribed" with an ice cream or a magazine, so that it remains a good quarter of an hour longer in the beer garden, will certainly not suffer permanent damage, even a "slip-up" on the part of the parents, in a blackmail degenerate, does not do any real damage yet. Save these tricks for special cases, then your child will enjoy the benefit, but this procedure is not considered a standard educational tool. Another big advantage you have, if you use the bribe only very sparingly: it works!

Parents make mistakes and sometimes act against better knowledge because it's just that much easier. That's not bad. First and foremost, one thing is important: As a parent you must not replace affection or material punishment with gifts and disapproval. A child wants and needs to be loved for what it is to grow up happy.