DAD-Chronicals : Defeats are part of it - helping your child cope
Defeats are part of it - helping your child cope
Disappointments and defeats usually hurt us as much as our child. But they are just part of life. Our job is to empower our child, endure the negative, and convey to him that we love it, even when it makes mistakes.
So that a child can withstand low blows well, we can do a lot. If it is suddenly spurned by your best friend, it makes a crash landing by bicycle or reaches the last place in the reading contest should parents be there to comfort their child and catch it. This is often difficult, because we suffer as well. We would love to avert all sorrow from him. But that does not work and would not do him much good.
Learn from mistakes - make your own experiences
It is enormously important for children to have their own experiences. This is how the learning process works - especially mistakes or their consequences are particularly well reflected. Even though children learn a lot through imitation, they still have to make and survive their own successes and mistakes. That's what makes you self-confident: when it's the first time you've gone to the bus all by yourself, or when it's so strong and confesses the window that has been thrown in instead of covering up the mistake. Children want to take responsibility and pursue their own paths. This also includes standing up for mistakes and understanding that it is not the rainy street that is responsible for the bicycle crash, but the carelessness of the little driver. When this becomes clear to a child, it can begin to shape one's life by changing one's own behaviors.
The body does not know what the head wants so badly
Surely you have already observed your baby trying to crawl or sit down? It has a plan, tries to put itself in the right position and fails, simply because it lacks (still) the necessary muscles. It will be disappointed, angry and frustrated and possibly break out into a loud cry of rage. If you help him now by putting him in the position that he wants, it will probably stop crying, but it does not have a true sense of achievement and is not really satisfied. It is better to endure his screaming and give him maximum assistance, by supporting it easily where his strength is not sufficient. Larger children, who frequently fail to climb, may be killed by a robber ladder. So your child then has both - the sense of achievement and the feeling of having done it yourself. What applies to babies, even more so for toddlers. When children are two years old, parents should already take back much and not take anything away from their child, which they could not do on their own. At this age, kids want everything, but for a lot of things, they're just not skilful enough. It just helps to practice and the encouraging words of mom and dad.
Deep blows make you brave and smart
Give your child as few problems as possible. The more creatively a child works on own solutions, the smarter it gets. Because the brain and the ingenuity are trained. When it has found a solution from its own considerations or self-experimentation, it gives self-confidence and courage. Parents should give at most suggestions. This is just as true as in interpersonal difficulties, when, for example, the daughter's best friend suddenly goes astray.
When it comes to the canned in the parents
Often defeats of the child hit the parents more than the child itself. Athletic failures or bad grades only become a problem when the parents show their own disappointed expectations too clearly. Especially on the edge of the football field, this phenomenon can be seen: Disappointed fathers roar their sons over half the pitch and disgust not only their child, but also fuel aggression and fears. Never forget: your child does not do team sport to polish your self-confidence, but to have fun.
Comfort and encourage instead of criticizing
Whenever your child is sad, angry, or simply angry because of defeat, you should tell them that it does not change your affection and trust. This can be done by simply hugging it, but also by words. If your child comes home in math at the age of five and thinks it's never going to get any better, you can remember it at two to four weeks. Too great a rage must first be released, after that it helps if you make something nice together with your child. Cook your favorite meal together, read a book to him, or do another round of cycling or inline skating. The trouble has to go, then there is room for the beautiful side of life.
Other Stories round about the DAD-Chronicals
Farewells and losses how children handle it
Sibling dispute makes you smart
