Fruits and Values Series #8: Gentleness

It was Good Friday yesterday and I was so determined to produce this post, but for some reason, my body was all exhausted and sore with joints pain yesterday that I decided to rest in. Having been writing almost everyday, I was actually a bit disappointed that I needed to do that, as I usually would still be writing and posting when I am tired as it has been my therapy.

So, welcome back to my Fruits and Values Series, featuring GENTLENESS today!

(If you are interested, you may also check out the other 7 posts I have for this series, which I have spaced out to write perhaps such a post per week. Will provide the links towards the end of this post.)

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What's Gentleness? Have we been fully understanding gentleness?

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Okay here comes! Let's start with the definition of GENTLENESS. According to Merriam Webster Online Dictionary, gentleness is:

the mildness of manners or disposition.

Gentle is defined as:

kind, amiable.

There is this verse in the Bible that goes:

Let gentleness be seen in every relationship, for our Lord is ever near. ~Philippians 4:5 The Passion Translation (TPT) Source

In this context, the Greek word for gentleness carries the meaning of fairness while in Aramaic it is humility.

Safely, I think I can sum up that gentleness means being kind, meek and humble.

Gentleness as a strength

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Gentleness sounds like it is a feminine quality but it is not so. Remember that guys can also be gentleman? Being gentle doesn't mean being sissy or weak. It is an attitude of approach that springs from the heart. It also means the ability to control the strength that we have.

This brought me to something that fits this illustration. I was watching a TV show that featured the World's Guinness Record of a man holding an egg in his palm but managed to break the rocks with his bare hands.

This is Muhammad Rashid, from Pakistan. He is the same guy who went to China for an entertainment show where he crushed rocks holding a raw chicken egg in his palm in his martial arts acts. In the video above, he held the record of most canned drinks broken, holding a raw egg too. In the end, he would always crack the egg into a transparent glass to show that it is a real raw egg, and not been the shell was cracked a little bit.

The famous actor, Jackie Chan also did a similar electricity holding an egg in his palm while chopping blocks with his bare hands in 2004.

Martial art itself speaks a lot of strength and power. With Muhammad's and Jackie's demonstrations, it showed that they could be gentle with their palm swhile still doing their strong martial art that may be brutal.

Can we have gentleness?

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Gentleness can be learnt and be birthed forth from the Holy Spirit influencing our lives. I definitely not the gentlest of all. My family (my own parents and siblings who hlgave me my upbringing) is one of the loudest people I have known, and yes I have silently wished that we can be more gentle so maybe we won't hurt each other that much. We have rubbed on each others' shoulders so much that sometimes we forgot there is a better way of dealing with each other. It could create a very defensive atmosphere without realizing too. However, having said this, it doesn't mean that we do not have gentleness at all too, just not the default mode.

So with how I was brought up, I had to deliberately "switch mode" to gentleness and watch the way I speak. I deliberately watch out when I am beginning to sound mean or harsh because I do not want to hurt those around me.

I learnt that:

• Being gentle doesn't mean we do not speak the truth, but speaking the truth in love.

• We can still be firm with our beliefs.

• Being gentle doesn't mean saying yes all the time.

• It takes humility to have gentleness expressed in a dual-way communication. It takes the speaker and the listener to exhibit gentleness at the same time.
  For instance: If the speaker is trying to shove things down the listener's throat without considering if that's the best way he or she can receive, that's not gentleness. If the listener is not wanting to learn with humility when asking for advice but just responding like: yeah yeah yeah or coming with a whole lot of excuses, that is also not gentleness.

• There can be gentleness in rebuke too.

Jesus demonstrated gentleness even when Judas was betraying Him with a kiss that resulted in His arrest. Jesus knew it was coming and He did rebuke Judas saying:

Jesus looked at him with sorrow and said, “A kiss, Judas? Are you really going to betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” ~ Luke 22:48 (TPT)

A gentle rebuke would wake someone up, though sometimes it requires more than a time. Sometimes, it may not look gentle at all too, but it is the motivation for the heart that would determine if it is gentle or not.

Gentleness is a strong hand with a soft touch. It is a tender, compassionate approach toward others' weaknesses and limitations. A gentle person still speaks truth, sometimes even painful truth, but in doing so guards his tone so the truth can be well received. Focus on the family

Yes, we can have gentleness by having the person's best interest in mind and be done in love. It may sometimes sound a bit stern but it should always be done in a compassionate manner. It takes vulnerability and courage to tear down walls to communicate the message. Sometimes, it may start with screamings but end with tears of restoration. I had to re-learn this part of life and am channeling it as much as I can back into my family. I have seen obvious changes in our relationships, especially when one starts reacting but I decide to not retaliate and speaking my beliefs instead. It doesn't mean I keep quiet to let things be or let them misunderstand me but to explain myself and communicate in love. This, I will cover more in my next Tutor's Tale, hehe.

How can we demonstrate gentleness in our daily lives?

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This is not a list that is absolute but from my experiences and learnings.

• Be empathetic. Think of the other party and give the best understanding we can. Having said this, sometimes understanding is overrated and we should not say we understand how it is if we have not been in the situation or even if we have. It is not supposed to be jargon.

• Be quick to apologize. This would break down defense mechanism usually. Apology speaks a lot of attitude of one's heart. I make myself apologize sometimes even when I don't feel like doing it. It is my golden rule for marriage.

• Clarify your intention before being very stern. It communicates the goal of the communication clearly. Should there be misunderstanding because of the tone or body language, apologize again.

• Be humble when we are asking for advice to learn. Try not to retaliate or answer quickly to justify ourselves but listen. If it is not a conversation asking for advice, try not to make the conversation be all about you again.

• Speak in a manner in the best interest of the listener. Some people can accept the hard truths in any manner, some would love to hear it with a gentle touch. Try to know the listener's love language. If his or her love language is affirmative words, 'idiot'and 'stupid'are definitely the last word he or she wants to hear. Such words may even clog the whole message from being conveyed.

• Be gentle in the ways we treat animals and other living things too like plants. This will also transform us to be gentle. I once read about a gunman who killed many students in his old school with a random shooting. He has been having a lot of bitterness and anger within which he had been showing by his mistreatments towards animals. This is a result of deep hurt that needs to be dealt with. Is it possible to be handled and gentleness be birthed forth? I think so, with the supernatural healing and transformation power of God.

• Be constantly reminded of a gentleness we have experienced or God's gentleness. How did that make you feel? How can you make another person feel this way?

Who has impacted me the most with gentleness?

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Though usually people would never describe me as a gentle person, the gentleness that I am learning (still) is a result of Someone Who has been gentle to me all these while as He draws me to repentance with His love and kindness. That person is God. I am especially touched by the story of God comforting Elijah after his burnout in a cave by sending him food everyday and gently dealing with him till his soul is recovered. Before that, Elijah was complaining to God about how God left him to be all alone. Did God rebuke him? Yes He did gently and still takes good care of him there after. Because of Him being so gentle, I am overwhelmed by His gentle but persistent love. He never push me into something that I cannot handle. He is always gentle in speaking to me what I haven't know about being a better person, the one He has known me at my best potential. I am thankful that the God I know is Someone who is Strong and Great but holding me in His palm like the raw egg, He is gentle with me. This does not deny His other attributes but it sums up His whole Person.

Remember, a seemingly strong person can also be gentle. For one to harvest his or her strength to be gentle is one of the greatest skills ever.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength. ~Saint Francis de Sales
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Here's Kari Jobe's What Love Is This which speaks of God's gentle yet strong love to me:

I am so grateful Jesus would die for me in my place to redeem me of a life with fullness and abundance. He has given me an opportunity of not just surviving with mediocrity but to know what fulfilment is. Jesus went up to the cross not because He had to, but He want to, in exchange of you and me to be able to live in true freedom and with no more separation from Him though our doings or undoings. We have a new life by just realizing this. What love is this? It is fierce and tender at the same time, His scandalous and yes unfair love.

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Thank you for reading my post for today! For the other 7 episodes I have written earlier in this series, feel free to link yourself to:

Fruits and Values Series #1: Love
Fruits and Values Series #2: Joy and Happiness
Fruits and Values Series #3: Peace
Fruits and Values Series #4: Patience
Fruits and Values Series #5: Kindness
Fruits and Values Series #6: Goodness
Fruits and Values Series #7: Faithfulness

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