Fruits and Values Series #4: Patience

After 3 days break from the Fruits and Values series, I am back with #4: PATIENCE.

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I think one of the most frequent words I use with my boy is: "Wait...wait...." He would come to me and ask for his snack while I was busy cooking and that's what he has to learn that immediate gratification does not happen all the time, though I would not try to delay him on purpose. Sometimes, he gets really frustrated that the iPad is not playing his video after he clicked on it, hence "wait...."

I was just chatting away with my husband before sleep about how difficult it is to cultivate patience in this era. I was wondering if the children who grow up in the "I-WANT-IT-NOW" age would be able to learn patience. After all, every thing has improved to be more instant and faster for them. Even the phones and computers they have today are much more responsive and not running on Intel-Celeron processor, if you know what I mean. He replied me that patience is essential and there are some things even if we try to speed them up with newer improvements, they cannot be achieved without patience, such as training in sports and music (which are the areas he is more well-versed with).

What is Patience?

Is patience all about waiting? Well, it seems like it is a fruit birthed from waiting or an application while waiting. I would always want to check the real definition of the word before expounding on it further with my thoughts and references.

From the Dictionary.com, there are three definitions which fit into my context today:

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

As you can see, it is MORE than waiting. It is the very quality in life that will produce perseverance and it is crucial for character building. Usually, our patience is tested in the waiting so waiting is a facilitator for patience to shine its way.

Learning About Patience

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For almost all of my life, I have been hearing that patience is a virtue and I should learn it. I don't think I was purposely taught patience but life itself is a great teacher in this. I remember the first time of waiting at the age of 7 after my English tuition class. My dad was running late and I was the only student left at the principal's office. My mum had told me before that I had to wait until my dad picked me up. So I waited and mind you, there was no entertainment like what we have at that time, so I was literally merely waiting. I remember I was talking to myself to try to explain to myself why my dad was running late that time despite feeling a bit scared. Well, finally my dad arrived and he explained that before he left from work, he was caught up with some emergency when someone needed a huge blood transfusion (he worked in the blood bank all his life till he retired two years ago). Back then in 1994, there was no mobile phone yet so he could not ring me to inform me.

Sometimes, patience is a gem polished from hardships, like diamond that comes out of intense pressure. It may take a long time to learn and it feels like we are squeezing every ounce of patience we can ever have from within.

Patience is a virtue, and I'm learning patience. It's a tough lesson. ~Elon Musk
Source

Why is Patience a Necessity?

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Humans have been improving tremendously. When I was 14, we were still using the dial-up connection to connect for Internet, which requires patience in waiting and sometimes it could fail to connect. Now, we have the data and Wi-Fi connection that is almost available everywhere and all it takes is just a click, then we are in almost instantly. Since we can improve so much and "eliminate" more waiting, why do we still need to exercise patience?

There are some processes that we can never rush, such as pregnancy which would take ten months for a human but 2 years for an elephant! We endure through these processes with as much joy as we can.

• Processes like learning an instrument or polishing a talent require patience. It is said that with patience, a talent can be turned into an achievement but without patience, a talent can be forgotten. Besides that, processes like healing and restoration take time too.

• Patience changes us into a better person to have more empathy, improving our relationships with others.

• Patience keep us in the pink of health. It is proven that stress has a psychosomatic effect on our bodies. A better mental health will also result in a better physical health.

• Patience helps us make better decisions because of the rationality to think and not make any hastily in the heat of the moment.

• Patience leads to a positive attitude cultivation. It will take time to look at the bright side of things and dig out some, if there is none.

How can We Exercise Patience?

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Yes, patience is learnt through exercises and practices. But what is it that we are practising?

Here is a famous quote about patience, my favorite since the first time I heard of it:

I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you're able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something... it's about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting. ~Joyce Meyer
Source

Consistency: For athletes like Lebron James, he has been playing in the NBA for some good 15 years. He has never stopped training to make sure he is consistentand not injured most of the times. He took his essential rest and not pushed his body over its limits too. He got Rookies of the Year when he first joined the NBA and recently he received the MVP award, explaining that he has been training and practising throughout the 15 years. Perhaps that is one of the things which makes him a legend in the NBA, some said even greater than Michael Jordan - his consistency and patience in building himself up.

Self-motivation: We can self motivate while waiting exercise patience. Self talk or self motivation to focus on the upward prize or goal is necessary as the fuel to keep us going. We are not to focus on the complaints and the murmuring before we reach the destination. I understand sometimes we may feel frustrated but the more we complain, the worse the process will be. For some, we got to unload the frustrations by speaking it out and later we could be functioning at our optimum again.

Practising Wisdom: Sometimes we do not say or do certain things because there is wisdom in consideration. I think people who are willing to use their brains to analyze before most situations would be those practising patience as well. It is not that we cannot do or say certain things, but we are made even powerful to refrain from doing it at the wrong timing and keeping it for the perfect timing. Relationships require a whole lot of patience and when we are being courteous or wise in it, this attitude would bring us far and protects our relationships as well. For instance, when everyone around us are in a relationship except us, we could just jump into a random one if we want to. Exercising wisdom to analyze, if we do that, we may get a relationship and loneliness solved but maybe it may come with a lot more problems because we were not ready. If we could have waited, when the "right" person come along and we get to slowly know the person through friendship, we would not need to survive heartbreaks and take more time for healing.

Identify What Causes Us to Be Impatient: Some things can naturally piss or tick us off. Hence let's have a game plan and "process" it beforehand if there is the possibility. As we learn ourselves more and more, we would know which would be the triggers. Maybe it is the traffic jam, an attitude, or a slow person. Count 1 to 10 before saying something that we may regret later. Look away from the trigger and focus on some pre-meditated thoughts. Calm down, drink a cup of tea, take those deep breaths, take that walk.

Thank Those Who Exercise Patience: I do this with my son. I would said to him, "Wow, that was a good wait, thank you very much!" I would deliberately remind myself to let him know having patience is a good thing, whether he did wait patiently or grudgingly. It is not easy for a little human such as him to learn that there is no immediate gratification to everything in this world and he has to learn it now or suffer later when greater reality hits. Just like when I have run out on his favourite Yakult drink, he has to know that without me going out to buy on another day, he won't get it even if he shows that he really want it then.

Patience Endures!

I was laughing at my student yesterday when he clicked on a document file on his Macbook and it did not open instantly. So he clicked on it several times, trying to get it to respond to his request. Finally, his computer got jammed and he had to restart it, resulting in even longer waiting. That small incident made me recall this verse from the Good Book:

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. ~James 1:2-4 (The Message)

When things get difficult, ask for patience from God, Who has plenty of it as He waits for us. Most of the times, I think we humans may think why He is not answering our prayers and we lose our patience with Him, thinking we know the timing better. So, I think the Most Patient Person I know is definitely God, Who would wait and wait until we finally run to Him one day, TO ASK HIM FOR HIS PATIENCE when we cannot take it anymore, hahahah!

By posting this, I dare not say I am a patient person either, even the person that seems most patient to me also loses it sometimes. We are not there yet most definitely, but we will get better at it! I believe that after each time we are stretched, our patience would grow and our ability to persevere increases. We would never realize the maximum potential we can be at if we don't exercise patience. It is like saying, "We are nearly there, just a bit more." If we push through, yes we then can see we actually can do it and we make a new threshold for ourselves by breaking off the old limit!

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Thank you for your PATIENCE in reading my long post. If you are interested to read more on my Fruits and Value Series, you may check them out:

Fruits and Values Series #1: Love

Fruits and Values Series #2: Joy and Happiness

Fruits and Values Series #3: Peace

References:

• https://www.biography.com/people/lebron-james-399748

• https://www.wisdomtimes.com/blog/importance-of-patience-in-life/

• http://www.dictionary.com/browse/patience

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