Around the time my son was nine months old, we started noticing something different about him. Everyone tells you not to compare your child to others, but as a new parent, you can't exactly help it. You're not really comparing your child, but rather, your own ability to adequately raise another human being. We noticed he didn't behave the same as babies his age. No babble. No pointing. Very little eye contact. Obsessing over spinning objects for hours. So, we sought out answers.
He is now approaching his 3rd birthday, and our lives have changed drastically as we have gotten to know our amazing son. He is still non-verbal, but is trying his hardest to copy the sounds he hears. He knows numbers 1-10, all kinds of shapes and colors, the name of every street vehicle imaginable, and he can express his knowledge of these things by pointing to them when asked. His obsession with spinning objects evolved into an obsession with anything on wheels. Monster trucks, cars, pinwheels, grocery carts will all make him stop in his tracks and start "stimming". Stimming, for those who may not know, is a physical way for people with Autism/SPD to regulate the overwhelming sensory information they are having to process. For my son, it is a full body experience. Every muscle in his body will tense, and his arms shoot straight into the air and he begins to flap his hands. Many strangers mistake this for an excited greeting because he looks so happy while he is stimming. Until he fixates on something starts to stim, my son looks like any "normal" child. It's when he doesn't get to finish fixating and stimming until he feels regulated again that a meltdown ensues.

I'm telling you all of this because it leads me to my experience at the local kid's hair salon today and my reason for writing this.

We walked in and the place was pretty packed with kiddos getting their back-to-school haircuts. We were there less than 10 minutes (10 very peaceful minutes, I might add) when a mother and her little boy, a little younger than my son, walked in. The little boy was holding a dump truck, and my son became immediately fixated on it. He followed the little boy around trying to take the toy from him, and I was right on his heels with a distraction toy, telling him, "That's not yours." "Be nice." "I'm sorry, you can't play with that one, but here's this one." All the usual things. I was apologizing to the mother of the boy with every step, but I could tell she was getting annoyed. I don't really blamer her. Before my son's diagnosis, I might have reacted the same way. I was only trying my best to avoid the inevitable meltdown that I could feel was coming, but I'm sure it looked to her like I couldn't control my son. I'm sure I looked like a lousy parent with a lousy, spoiled child.

When my son finally couldn't take it anymore, we were in meltdown territory. My husband and I rushed him off to the side, away from the other families, and spent a moment talking him back down to his normal self. When we turned around, the mother of the younger boy had jumped in front of us and had taken our spot in the haircut line.

After the haircut, we left the salon emotionally tired, frustrated, and with our spirits low.

A few hours later, I was doing some Amazon shopping, and I found myself among the autism awareness products. There, they sell t-shits, jewelry, hats, thermos mugs, or anything else one can think of with those little, multi-colored puzzle pieces printed on it. I've never thought much about these items other than it felt, to me, like the parents who donned them wanted to validate themselves. Like they need to feel like they belong to a club where not many others belong. Don't get me wrong, I've never thought negatively about anyone who wore them, just that they weren't something we needed. We aren't ashamed of our situation. We don't feel like we are completely alone in our journey. Our struggles are not as hard as the struggles of some other Autism patients. We don't want people treating our family or our son differently out of pity, and I guess donning some kind of awareness apparel felt kind of like asking for pity.
I'm quickly starting to change my mind about that, though. I'm starting to understand the need for a little something on my person that tells the world that we are still under construction. That we are still figuring it all out. Something that gives a hint that we struggle a little more with everyday scenarios. Something that makes me feel like I'm not apologizing for my son's diagnosis. Since the incident at the salon, I've been wondering if the mother would have had a little more patience with me and my boy if she had seen a bracelet on him that said, "I have Autism." I've been wondering if she still would have had the audacity to steal our spot in line. If the other parents wouldn't look at him when he stims, then look at me as if to say, "Are you aware that he's doing that?"

Yes, I'm aware.

What are your thoughts, Steemit community? Has anyone started using awareness apparel for reasons like this? Has it worked well for you? I'm hoping to connect with other parents and patients of Autism here on Steemit. I have a hard time with facebook mom groups with the immaturity, disregard, and judgement that happens there, and I really think Steemit's design will lead to great conversation and an exchange of ideas.

Thanks for reading!