My journey of writing and finishing my first novel.

Applause. Thank you... thaaank you.... please.... thank you...

I just finished my first novel. But as happy I am now, so it was a struggle, a journey of facing my shadows of self-doubt and insecurity. 

In this post, I wanted to share a bit of my journey, about creativity and how practice forges skill.

To give a bit of background...

...I've been blogging for around 3 years now. And on my private platform I had the privilegue to share my art each day with a couple thousand people.

Very soon, writing short notes, posts and articles, had become very comforting. Easy. I got used to it. Practice builds skill - I believe.

I found my audience, my voice, my territory of genious (in a way, that's what I'm still looking for here on Steemit). And with that feeling of safety, I found myself fearlessly creating whatever is on my heart. Perhaps that's one reason why people like and follow it.

Challenge vs. comfort - or... finding balance?

I'm still blogging daily. But out of that comfort, I naturally sought a new challenge. I guess that's just our nature (or mine).

Living on the couch, eating potato chips and watching movies can be fun, but only doing that, would suck the life out of my soul. (The same happens to me when I 'overpush' myself.)

I find that I'm most happy, fulfilled, inspired, when I'm able to hold a good balance in mylife. 

It includes the dance of the opposites. A dance between the comfort and the discomfort. Of being crazy and being serious. Of being the warrior and the lover. Of activity and rest...

Anyways, things became more and more comfortable. And at one evening, while having a shower (read more about the "showergod" here), I got struck by an idea: To write a novel.

Journey of writing a novel

This was around 4 months ago. I stepped out of the shower, dressed up and started to write.

It started off so easily, so effortlessly. It felt light and good and I already saw myself finishing it within the next 2 weeks.

But (like many things), after a while, I seriously started to suffer, face my own shadows, my own doubts.

Who was I to write a story? A novel? I'm not even talented. I'm not even a native english speaker. The idea is bad. The plot is flawed. The characters are flaky.

After the initial enthusiasm, I felt, it all became a true test of my own character. 

Going through the same patterns of growth.

"How easy it is to write a daily post," I thought. You sit down for a few hours and as soon as you hit "Publish" you're done, finished. No need to look back anymore. No need to worry any longer.

I'm just realizing now, how writing a simple post was once huge deal for me. I used to spend days on it. I even paid someone to revise my posts before publishing.

And I went through the exact same patterns that I've been going through now while writing the novel.

The thing I'm really proud of:

With the blogging as with the book, I just kept going. People say "don't pride yourself"... but god... I am just so proud for this.

I had weeks, where I didn't feel inspired at all, times where I suffered, and was seemingly drowning in self-doubt. (I believe something many writers can resonate with - especially when they start out)

What kept me going

But throughout my whole "career" it was always the act of writing itself that fulfilled me. These moments, when you just completely forget the time, and everything else around you. Nothing matters, not the "success", the approval... the applause.

In fact, deepest success to me was, and still is when I just sit down and create a space for inspiration to "come through me". It was such an important and helpful thing to remember.

It's incredibly beautiful when my writing touches people, when people can feel me, and resonate with what I'm sharing.

Yet, for me, it's never the right place to come from. As soon as I write "in order to be liked by others", it all feels forced - I suffer and bust myself into a prison where I'm unable to scoop from my fullest potential.

Love and fear are like power and force.

I just finished my (3rd book but) first novel. I know there will be another month of hard work of revising of editing, of closing gaps. But looking at it now, it just feels so good to see how far I've come.

And perhaps everything we do for the first time is here to challenge and test us and to help us learn and grow. I look forward to completely finish the book - in a way, hit publish - and then move on with all that I've learned to the next one.

4 days ago I've published a post about an author who wrote 701 books. A few to go for me :) With time and practice it all becomes easier, and yet, I believe, the learning never quiet stops.

Sam