MYSTERIES OF NO-LAND (Chapter 5.1) - Fantasy
Good day everyone. I haven't updated my blog for a week now. A lot of stuffs happened that would have made me contemplate quitting the platform but thank goodness I didn't.. Let's roll on...
Highlight of the last update
Vince held out the pendant, angling it so she could get a good view. Realization flowed into her face. Still surprised, she touched the pendant. The light that had been glimmers suddenly shot up and engulfed them in an infinite bubble as they felt themselves being sucked in to the lock in the pendant.
Chapter 5.1
Vince fell with a thud on the floor. Dust flew everywhere, even in his mouth. He noticed he was on top of something. It felt soft. He looked down to see the lady. He rolled down at once. Cleaning himself, he spat the dust and took a cursory look at the new found environment.
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The scenery before him was like one he'd never seen. PONGASH, where he would have been king had no beauty in this regard. The luxurious grasses which they treaded on smelled of burnt hay, filling his nostrils. The leaves from the high reaching trees seemed to stare at him and Vince could almost swear that once he saw a pair of eyes looking at them. They were in their colors, red, yellow, pink and green. He looked the distance over the horizon but there was no house in sight. He turned to see the lady had gotten up and was now trekking behind him also trying to fathom the environment. A rage burned at the back of his mind but he kept it sealed. There may yet be hope.
They walked a long distance. Vince occasionally looked the ladies' way. She was sweating just as much as he was. The rays of the midday sun biting into his clothes and forcing bids of sweat to trickle down his tired frame. He couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"What did you touch that made this happen? "
He had never thought that talking would be painful. His voice felt croaky, a ball of mucus forming at the back of his throat. He spat it out taking a backward glance at the lady who had stopped and had her eyes fixed on him like some bizarre reflection of an alien presence.
"Did you just try to blame me for our predicament?" she made no attempt to hide her disgust. "If it weren't your lack of wisdom in keeping yours and yourself your business, I'd still be reading in the library!"
"But miss..whatever you're called, I thought you knew what it was before you touched it. I could swear you saw something you recognized before we were catapulted into this strange place! "
She didn't answer immediately. Her head was bent as she studied her already dirty shoes. Vince wondered if she had deliberately wanted to come here. But why drag him with her?
She looked up at the tree tops and Vince followed her eyes. But there was nothing there save for the trees which were suddenly looking distant. It was like they loathed their very existence.
"Well, I didn't know exactly what scratching the lock would do. If anything, all I knew was some baseless tales about this cursed Kingdom doomed to feed on its own inhabitants and a world with no escape out. "
All the colors watches from Vince's face as he looked at her. What had she just said? No way out? She must be joking. He searched her face for any sign of a smirk, a smile that would give her away. He saw nothing. There was sadness in her eyes and a hint of fear that lurked behind.
This then is the end of Solomon Grundy.
So death would meet him here,of all places? He would die and his body not even given a royal burial, lost forever in the belly of cannibals.
"By the way, the name's Mabel! "
She trudged on after landing him the bomb. She had detonated it and just walked away.
Vince felt his temperature rise. He was going to have an attack. How stupid was he? The similarities had been there but he had been too blinded to see!
The vision
Maybe she brought him here to finish him up without causing issues and then...then go back when she was done!
Why should he believe her. She had told him what he was to hear. Vince made up his mind he was going to do everything to stay alive and find a way back.
Even if it meant killing her first.
A slow throbbing on his chest reminded him that the pendant was still there.
There had to be a way. He was going to find it. First.
THANKS FOR READING
Here are the rest parts in case you just happened upon this update.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
-PROLOGUE
-Chapter1
-Chapter2.1
-Chapter2.2
-Chapter2.3
-Chapter 3.1
-Chapter 3.2
-Chapter 3.3
-Chapter 3.4
-Chapter 4.1
-Chapter 4.2
-Chapter 4.3
-Chapter 4.4
Do check back for more!
I think that you use "he, she, her, him" often. It's a mistake that I myself am trying to correct. When you're describing what your characters are doing, try and rephrase it differently. In order to make your prose flow more smoothly.
Example:
Maybe try:
Vince noticed he was on top of something soft and rolled off at once. It was the lady from before. The tired warrior patted the dust off and took a cursory look at a new environment.
As you can see, most of the him and he's are gone.
Hope that helps some.
Other than that I think that you have a good structure but you need to find different ways of wording it. Also should work on your grammar. If English is not your first language then you're actually doing pretty good my friend. Keep practicing.
Wow. Thanks so much. See why I said you were better. I'll look to correct those sort of errors next time.
I also wished you could point out the grammatical errors.
You know I just hooked up with these guys over here. https://discordapp.com/invite/zTxja9
They can help you way more than I can. I just submitted a chapter to them for review and critique. Check them out.
This is nice bro. Can't wait for the next chapter