Teachings of the rain [Day 40]
Teachings of the rain
original verse poetry.
(with form explanation below)
I listen past the wall of engine blasts
To hear the strobing language of the rain.
Dim electric love the drops contain
Spark from eye to heart to brain—
So long our walls outlasts,
And we, cosmic outcasts,
Endure the stony pain.
I gaze along the pavement-puddles' sheen
To read the rain a-tapping morse in code.
Circles overlapped and overflowed
Make me take another road—
Erasing hues of green,
Yellow's fade in blueing scene,
Isolation sowed.
Now driven by the dampness into doors,
I contemplate the humid ripple-rhyme.
Twist the soft geometries sublime
In my mind the maze to climb.
In water through the pores
Of earth's rain-besotten floors
I flow beyond the edifice of time.
Form notes
The majority of my experience writing poetry has been in free verse, that is, poetry without a regular meter or rhyme. Although free verse is the most popular way of writing poetry today, many people are still intimidated to write poetry because they have the assumption that it must be written in rigid verse and rhyme. It's true that writing (well) in verse forms is difficult, but it is a satisfying practice, and one I'd like to delve a bit more into.
My main verse-writing experience, though meagre, is in writing Shakespearean sonnets. Here are a couple from several months ago: Quiet shall I be, or shall I speak? They are written in iambic pentameter, which is lines of ten syllables that alternate unstressed and stressed. If you want to listen to the introduction poetry class we had on Shakespearean sonnets, it's here: Live poetry class recording: 10 common Shakespearean sonnets.
However, today I wanted to invent a more irregular form using iambic pentameter as the foundation. The reason is that having all lines the same length can feel a bit unnatural. This poem was built using seven-line stanzas with rhyme scheme ABBBAAB. The first two lines are in iambic pentameter; the third is iambic with the first unstressed syllable removed (9 syllables.) The last four lines are 7 syllables, then 6, then 7, and the final line is 5 syllables (except in the final stanza where it is a full 10 syllable line of iambic pentameter.) So overall it's 10-10-9-7-6-7-5 in the first two and 10-10-9-7-6-7-10 in the third stanza. If you look below it will be made more clear.
10...I listen past the wall of engine blasts
10...To hear the strobing language of the rain.
9....Dim electric love the drops contain
7....Spark from eye to heart to brain—
6....So long our walls outlasts,
7....and we, cosmic outcasts,
5....endure the stony pain.
10...I gaze along the pavement-puddles' sheen
10...To read the rain a-tapping morse in code.
9....Circles overlapped and overflowed
7....Make me take another road—
6....Erasing hues of green,
7....Yellow's fade in blueing scene,
5....Isolation sowed.
10...Now driven by the dampness into doors,
10...I contemplate the humid ripple-rhyme.
9...Twist the soft geometries sublime
7...In my mind the maze to climb.
6...In water through the pores
7...Of earth's rain-besotten floors
10...I flow beyond the edifice of time.
Written by
@d-pend
4/15/18
.
Photos by
.1 — "A Light Shines Thru the Rain" by Andy Serrano [cropped]
2 — "Desert Rain by NWunseen"
3 — "Rain on the Parade" by Andy Serrano
4 — "Pasadena Wet Lights" by Andy Serrano
Wow... Is this construction actually a new form @d-pend?
I like the ABBBAB
as it beats out the last line of each stanza
Then the third stanza ends with 10 syllables instead of five giving me an uplifting feeling at the end of the poem.
This unfolds the secret of some of your poem endings. I get it.
I really like what you did with this format and will study in more detail and try to follow when I have time this week.
I often wonder if I should do more experiments like these. I think I've only written one proper sonnet in my whole life, and though the result wasn't awful, it didn't really inspire me to write more. I know a lot of influential poets from the modernist movement wrote sonnets daily, as a kind of writing exercise, though they often published none or very few of them.
It seems there must be something worthwhile in that self-inflicted stricture... I think the key is setting limitations, so that in the process of overcoming them you learn more about the craft, widening your toolset to give you more options when writing in the future.
/ramble
I'd say this experiment was a success. Your distinctive, ethereal style still shines through. The shortening line lengths bolster it, in fact, giving the impression of a voice climbing higher and higher, only to crash back again at the start of the next stanza.
Phrases like 'a-tapping morse in code' and 'make me take another road' are reminiscent of Poe and Frost, suggestive of a voice trying to place itself within the poetic tradition. There's a lot going on here! A lot of inner conflict, which the irregular rhyme scheme reflects.
It's a commendable thing stepping outside your comfort zone - thank you for sharing the results :)
A technical breakdown of art. Fantastic.
Before knowing the pattern, it just seemed to work and you were inspired by a walk in the rain as nature tries relentlessly to heal the urban scar.
I mostly come for the photos and as always, you never disappoint me.
I love it.
I am learning to appreciate poetry thanks to you. Slow but sure is the way to go. Keep on penning, you're a natural talent.
Do you do spoken word by any chance?
Hi @elsiekjay, thanks for the kind words, and I'm so happy you're coming to appreciate poetry through these posts. You should try writing some!
Yes, I rap and do spoken word, as well. Here is a piece from a couple of weeks "Too Many Doomsday Criers." If the @dsound doesn't work, here's a link to the recording on Soundcloud.
Have an awesome day!
Wow! Thank you for sharing dear.
I'll be back with feedback :)
I could try poetry in the future, for now let me continue learning from the gurus like yourself. Keep them coming.
Xo
This is one of the more easily understood poems you've written.
I am the opposite, rhyming is easier for me as I am a song writer first. Before entering this challenge I didn't even realize free form.
poetry of the day is very touching, you are a bohomian, I am always encouraged to like you. Rain is a beautiful place of refuge, the easiest place to hide a feeling of arousal. Human feeling like the weather.When happy, he is like a rainbow in the evening. But if sad, he will cry like rain. i have been wandering but did not find kindness, LOVE PEACE
thanks for this @d-pend
You are doing a good damn job very well, @d-pend.
A great honor to be your apprentice 😊
Hi. I think I'm off with the day numbers... was there a free-day for everyone? I'm ahead of time? Am I off by one day? For example I published day 40 on April-15 at 7:31 local time (11:31 am GMT). And I've been publishing around 9:00 AM GMT. Am I being disqualified because an off-count day error? I cannot use Discord because my PC is not supported.
Hi @sansoncarrasco, you are publishing slightly early, but that's fine, if you want. On the example above you posted day 40 six and a half hours before it officially began (6 PM GMT on April 15th.) There are others who also prefer to post a little early and I don't mind it. You are still being counted! Thanks for checking to make sure and explaining your obstacles to working in Discord. Have you tried using the app on your phone? It generally works quite well.
Thanx for answering. I just published day 41 thinking day 41 began on 6pm GMT of the day before. Wrong again. I'm all messed up with that.
When does day 42 officially begin So I don't make the same mistake again?
I try to write the entries the day before so I can publish early the next morning before going to work because the Internet there is restricted.
My phone is a dumb phone. I can only use Discord by booting my PC from a bootable flash drive with a 64 bits operating system. Sorry.
Day 42 officially starts on April 17th at 6pm GMT! Don't worry about it too much, just don't get too far ahead or it'll be hard to vote on your entries. It should be fine :-)
Thanx! This is the hardest challenge in Steemian History.
This is awesome ... but I have really prepared my self that this time around I’m going to listen to the voice via dsound, unfortunately you didn’t put it on dsound... perfect pictures for perfect poem... go @d-pend!!!
I listen past the wall of engine blasts
To hear the strobing language of the rain.
Dim electric love the drops contain
Spark from eye to heart to brain—
So long our walls outlasts,
and we, cosmic outcasts,
endure the stony pain.
To a heavy heart and mind each drop is felt. Wonderful work, Daniel:)