Confession of A Girl In A Narrow Tunnel

In my #introduceyourself post, I only stated 10 facts about me. (If you haven't read it, click here.) I didn’t go to the normal and formal way of introducing myself. I just mention some random things because I was thinking I might create a slam book rather than a blog post. But now, I think there’s no excuse for me since I’ll be participating in @surpassinggoogle #untalented #whoami blog contest.

This is a bit awkward for me but hey, I'll try my very best to evolve and go beyond my comfort shell zone.

Who Am I?

❝ No One is YOU and that is YOUR POWER.❞ - Dave Grohl

Kneelyrac, my username sounds like Kneel, Lyrac, in which Lyrac is the name of a person that is instructed to kneel. I somehow remember the Game of Thrones’ line ‘Bend the Knee or Die’. Now enough with that, I didn’t come up my name because of that line. My username was anagrammed from my name. Well, I really don’t think that it was totally anagrammed since kneelyrac cannot be found in a dictionary however, the concept was similar though.

My real name is Caryl Keen O. Enanor, 24 years of age. My name, Caryl, came from the word ‘Karla’ and Keen, from the word ‘Sharp’. My family calls me Keen-Keen but when my mother gets mad at me, she calls me ‘Waling!’. Waling is the name of my grandmother on my father’s side. Mother would always tell me that I have the same personality with my late grandmother.

In addition, I’m the eldest in the all four Marias. Pisces is my zodiac sign, i.e, I was born on the 26th day of February. I graduated with a degree of Bachelor of Science in Electronics and Communications Engineering and currently working as a Researcher to a Flood Hazard Mapping Project. I haven't taken up the Licensure Board Examination since I need to save for the expenses for the 6-month review in Cebu.

Dreams in life

❝There's nothing wrong with being a Dreamer if dreaming means trying to do things better.❞ - Unknown

I'm a dreamer. Sometimes or I should say most of the time, I daydream. I have so many dreams in life, well, of course, everyone does. As for me, I categorized my dreams into 3, namely, short-term, long-term and the last one is the lifetime term. I named it a lifetime since it can never be done unless I change my past through a time machine or time-turner. Anyways, I will enumerate the long-term and lifetime term dreams of mine

Long-Term

1. Be able to save money and take the board exam so that I can be a Licensed ECE and Technician. Hopefully in God’s perfect time.
2. To have my own Library.
3. Work abroad specifically in Japan.
4. If I can’t work in Japan, then maybe I could just visit it. SoKor is the second one. Well, not the two only, to travel around the globe would be perfect!
5. To be able to buy a Platinum ticket in one of One OK Rock concert and meet and greet them as well.
6. Have a room full of anime collections.
7. To pursue my newly found passion, photography and with that, I must have my own camera!
8. Also, to see my three sisters become successful professionals.

Lifetime-Term

1. Become a Licensed Pharmacist.
2. After that, to be a military doctor.
3. Be a PMA graduate, in the air force to be exact.

Things I Like

❝ Always find time for things that make you happy to be alive.❞ - Unknown

Would you look at that? My face is so big! Hah! I’d be lying if eating is not on the list. So yeah, eating is one of the many things I like the most and it’s on the first list. It really did a good job overtaking reading, dancing and drawing/sketching.

If there is one thing that I can hoard, that would be Books!! I may not write the reading first but still, reading is number one in my heart. It may not be the first thing that I did like in kindergarten days but still reading is my first love. The library is indeed a sweet haven for me wherein I could stay there all day long.

If I could choose between the four: Hollywood series, Anime, Korean Drama and Sci-Fi Movies, well, I would definitely jump and watch Anime. But please don’t make me choose between Harry Potter Series and Anime.

The picture above was when I enrolled to a dance class on my birth month. It was a gift for myself! Now, Dancing is a part of me. When I heard music, my face and body stay static but deep inside I’m dancing!! However, I stopped dancing due to the fact that I’m a working gal already and I can’t afford to be late at work the following day because I got tired of practicing.

Drawing was the first thing that I learned in my kindergarten days. I still remember that I used to draw humans in their big mansion, with a happy family. I sometimes drew witches flying on their broomstick and a lot more. Now the picture above are some of my drawings and you can see there that my main subject are almost Anime character!!

Photography would be the last since I started loving it because of Instagram and that was only last year. You know that feeling when you're okay with the set-up of not being able to join in a picture? And you're just being fond of watching the nature, events, objects, buildings and other subjects that speak in the photos? I must admit I'm so into photography right now!

Strengths and Weaknesses

❝ Knowing your weakness is a Strength. ❞

I’ve known my strengths when I was in High School. I was such a competitive girl with full of confidence. I'm very bubbly and loud which makes me a nosy gal to anyone who does not know me. I'm very optimistic and somehow a bit dominant.

But when I'm in college, the foundation that has been built was cracked because of one mistake in my freshman days in college. My strengths have been affected in such a way that it leaves a huge mark and until now I’m still figuring out on how to overcome it.

I don’t have the same confidence I’ve had before. One of my Professors believed in me but I still can't find a way of telling myself, "Hey! You can do that!" but rather, I would end up saying, "It's too difficult. I can't solve that." Until the end of the semester, he still believed in me and I'm much grateful that even a terror professor like him feels that way.

Now aside from my family and my closest friends, there is one person that believes in my strength - my college classmate, my colleague and that is my boyfriend. He knew when did I start to have a low confidence. He knew that I was just belittling myself so he keeps on encouraging me and makes me participate in the things I find it hard and beyond my scope and limitations.

The confidence turns to an inferiority complex. Yes, even at work, I still have that. I keep on asking myself, why I turn out to be this kind of person. My strengths that I’ve known since I was in High school experienced a great inclination, not just the confidence but everything. The only strength I have is that I still believe I can balance the seesaw that has been inclined for so long. There is still a light in a narrow tunnel I’m in right now i.e. hope never leaves me from the day I experienced my first and great downfall.

Help Thyself

❝ Only you who can save yourself! ❞

As you can see, there's a Charizard that looks like a Horsea. I drew a Dragon there since Dragon is the icon used by College of Engineering in our University. The Dragon symbolizes being strong, brave, courageous, fierce and I always think that since I survived engineering then I am a blazing Dragon Warrior and I can beat these electrons around me! I may be at my low at this moment but I know, by the time my wings are fully healed, I can soar high and be a brave warrior that I can be.

In addition, I sometimes dance to clear my mind, watch anime to calm myself, eat to let out the stress and I draw to express myself.

These are some of the things I drew when I'm feeling blue.

It shows how either be chaotic or full my mind is. I've got too many words juggling around my head, it may be my feelings, emotions, or ideas but still, I can't voice it out.

It feels like I'm being captive by my own self. The hole symbolizes the electron that is inside me.

Lastly, I always put on a smile on my face. In this picture, it was a face with a smile that doesn't reach to its eyes. It looks like a fake smile but no, she's smiling amidst the negativity she has right now! Look at those eyebrows, it pointed downwards. It really shows sadness but still manages to continue fighting.

Now that would be all to my #untalented #WhoAmI blog post. It's kinda weird to share and post it here knowing that others will know what you are feeling and experiencing right now. Nevertheless, I guess this is a good start to become a better version of me and that is because of @surpassinggoogle.

• Thank you so much, sir for imparting your great ideas and encouraging people, not just the beginners to express and show to everyone that we can be what we wanted to be as long as we believe in ourselves! *

And also, I would like to mention these people, @long888, @deeday31, @asbonclz, g10a and @birjudanak, who helped me, gave me some tips and assisted me in my journey here in Steemit.

So that would be all guys, next is my #untalented 2.0.

kneelyrac

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