So, my wife is a cat. 24 hour short story

in twentyfourhourshortstory •  11 months ago 

This my entry for @mctiller’s The 24-hour short story challenge

I don’t know where @mctiller gets his ideas, but I’ll give it a try


Source

Jake was deep in his thoughts, sitting on a bar counter, soothing his nerves with a spirit drink.

"The first drink always burns my throat," He thought to himself. Where the hell is Carl?"

He swallowed another sip of vodka. This time, he did not feel the heat left by the vodka in his numb throat.

He was startled to feel a pat on his back.

— Hi, Jake! You're pretty jumpy! Huh?

"My friend Carl always uses his sense of humor to deal with serious issues"

— Tell me about it! What is the reason for the mysterious message you sent me to my cell phone?

Jake finished drinking his vodka in one gulp and asked the barman for another one.

Carl waited until his friend finally decided to share what happened. Releasing a bomb that he never expected.

— My wife is a cat!

Jake took his second drink in one gulp and requested another one.

— Hey! Easy man. Slow down.

Carl signaled to the bartender to indicate that he wanted the same thing that jake was taking.

— It's obvious that women are wild beasts, aren't they? Carl said, taking half of his drink and letting out a big laugh.

— It's not what you think! Angela is a cat! Literally a cat! — Jake emphasized, raising his tone of voice, surprising the other people who drank at the bar.

In the background, a stranger answered: Mine is a bitch! I'll drink to that! And all his companions drank at the same time and broke into laughter.

Carl toasted the strangers from the distance, finishing his drink. And immediately he asked for another drink.

— Let's see. Explain to me in detail what you have just said.

Jake rubbed his face with both hands and began to describe what happened.

— Today is our anniversary. We have been married for more than 6 years. I wanted to surprise her, so I decided to take the day off and dedicate it to her. I went home and I was very cautiously and approached our room to deliver a bouquet of flowers.

Carl nodded his head, giving all his attention

— But the surprised one was me. For a moment I thought it was an illusion. She was on her back and began to contort and curl like a ball then she fell down, her robe covered her whole body. At first, I froze. I got over it quickly and I lend her help, thinking that she had suddenly fallen ill.

Jake closed his eyes and quickly took his drink. Carl did the same and again asked for two more. Jake continued with his narration.

— I was petrified! I lifted her robe and found a cat in her place. Can you believe it!

— Relax, Jake. — Carl answered seriously — What happened next?

— It looked at me with its big eyes, like surprised, immobile. For a moment that seemed to me like an eternity. Suddenly it took a step toward me and I recoiled reflexively and fell flat on my butt.

— Immediately, the cat fled through the window and I ran away down the stairs.

Carl broke into a laugh.

— You are kidding, right? Is this a joke?

— Do you think I'm kidding? I'm in such a nervous breakdown! Jake answered emphatically.

Carl cleared his throat and ordered two more drinks.

— Let's take it easy. We are talking about your wife. The most cordial, reliable, charitable and sweet person I have ever met. She had to have some defect, right?

— And It's for sure, there should not be mice in your house! Carl laughed softly

— You and your damn sense of humor.

— I'm sure she has some logical explanation of what happened. Give her an opportunity. For the love of God, Jake. It's been 6 years living together! You won't throw that away, right?

Jake was spinning his half-empty glass, meditating on Carl's words.

— Are you allergic to cats?

Jake looked Carl confused.

— I remember that your mother told me that a cat made you take your first steps when you were a baby. You didn't walk, you always crawled everywhere, but at that moment you saw a cat for the first time in your life and you tried to grab it and when you could not, you got up in front of everyone and went after it.

Jake remembered the story and drew a smile.

— Let's drink for that, mate. Added Carl

They both took another drink.

— I'm sure she has not stopped being the same person she is. And surely she has not stopped loving you, otherwise, she would not be sitting for more than an hour on the other side of the bar, waiting for you to decide to talk to her.

That last sentence surprised Jake again.

— What have you said?

— You heard me very well. She is waiting for you. And for her face, she is a little worried, I guess it's about what you're thinking about her in this moment and also because of the number of bums that abound in this bar and who have tried to invite her a drink.

Jake frowned, annoyed by what he just heard.

That made Carl more reassured, seeing that Jake still cares about his wife.

— I'd better go or I'll be late for my job.

Jake remembered that Carl was a company watchman. He liked to work at night.

— Don't think it over too much, give her a try.

Jake nodded as he continued to stare at his glass.

Carl paid for the drinks and walked towards Angela.

— Do not worry. He will come to you.

Angela smiled appreciatively for Carl's help.

— Don't mention it. We always help each other between our species

Before leaving, he saw Jake get up and go towards Angela.

If you want to participate in this contest, go to:

https://steemit.com/twentyfourhourshortstory/@mctiller/writers-win-five-steem-feb-19-twenty-four-hour-short-story-contest-a-man-comes-home-and-finds-his-wife-has-turned-into-a-cat




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It all started like a normal day, no actually a special day.. He wanted to surprise her but she surprised him. She was very good at hiding it for so many years and no this. Bugger!

I like how you lead the conversation. I can feel that he is stressed out but he still listen to his friend. He remains reasonable which must be very difficult in this situation as his wife is a cat!

The finish is great! Who knows in which world they are living and how many different human species there are :) I would love to hear her say something to her husband or have a short discussion with him as it would maybe explain that world of them. BUT even though it's not there I loved it as it was very surprising to hear that Carl was one of them as well :)

Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your curie vote!

Hello! Thanks a lot for your comment.

I think Carl has to be one of them because he took the news normally and he wasn't surprised at all. He knew how to hide behind his humorist comments.

I left to the imagination what both spouses would talk since somehow we knew through the comments the kind of person that was Angela and how understanding Jake was before the words of Carl.

  ·  11 months ago Reveal Comment

Thanks! It' so cool to hear my story. I loved it.

Whoa very nice twist at the end! Love it. 👍👍👍

Posted using Partiko Android

Thank you!!! I appreciated you've read it. You realized that Carl was also a cat! Cool!

The layers man, the pecking layers man. (So obviously great job on that @curie vote by the way, but let’s move on now.) So where do I begin? Well... let’s begin at the start with a classic set-up scene for the entire conversation that leads to the plot twist’s plot twist. So I liked how the dialogue was differented by - and " marks. Just one point is that you can use <“i”> (just remove the quotation marks) in conjunction with quotation marks as to differentiate a third person in any given dialogue. On that, the line with the stranger talking about their spouse: can you italicize or quotation mark it when the person stops. Not for my sake but to make it easier on a reader (and judges who can be nitpicky) in any given scenario other than this. Moving on, I like how the bar mates are just staring blankly (which gives rise to a lowercase s skepticism) at the fact that his wife was actually a cat.

Seeing all the mental gymnastics to create a story, which mind yah the wife was eavesdropping in on. And for that story to shatter immediately (regardless if it’s true or not) just breaks me into laughter and a gleeful smile that the wife wasn’t actually a cat. Yet sad I am the wife didn’t punt the husband nor give any other emotion than shock (which I guess for 24 hours it is fine, but do attempt at giving background characters like yah did with the stranger some moreness than stated facts).

(Warning: personal taste inbound. About any of which, I would enjoy just a little authorial “after the fact” / aftermath / post hoc scene of the wife and husband just talking about what has went down. Not resolving but taking recognition for their joint and individual faults; no blame other than acknowledgement. Lest yah wanna make them split,... yah got a certain few ways to do so and I know it would be great all equally. But that’s just personal preference and yah got a deadline to keep up with.)

No matter the case: I like to see yer thoughts on my entry for this contest, continue creating and learning from others and happy steeming!
0CF1C2CB-B871-4059-A6C9-AE34B33DC331.gif

Hi @theironfelix! I am very grateful that you have read my story and more that you help me improve my narrative with your advice. I really appreciate it. I'll read yours and comment.

Welcome!~ ^^
Thabks for gifting us a story like this.

Hey, @jadams2k18!

Thank you for your contribution to the crowd. We are the Steem community project dedicated to empowering The Wisdom of Crowds. You can find more about us on our official website or whitepaper and you can support us by voting for our witness and joining our curation trail on Steemauto . We are also inviting you to join Crowdmind Discord server. Don't forget to use the #crowdmind hashtag and happy crowdsourcing!

Hi jadams2k18,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

It is an honor for me to be upvoted by Curie community curation project.

Thanks a lot,

Hahaha nice story and image👍👏

Posted using Partiko iOS

I'm glad you liked it

funny

Posted using Partiko iOS

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Thank you very much! I appreciate it

Hello @jadams2k18, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!

Thank you very much for your vote

I appreciate it

Solid story, like everyone else here says.

But quotes--use them. When a character is talking like this, "Hi, how are you?"

Quotes go around the words the character is saying.

Hi, Mr. @mctiller! Thank you very much for your comment y thanks for the tip.

It's the teacher in me.

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