Dear @rok-sivante, many of the struggles you had put amazingly into words
"It's always been a very uncomfortable emotional response when seeing these people. Part of me feels sorry for them at times. Part feels guilty for not giving them anything. And there's been this pending sense of guilt even if I were to give them something, as though I'd be enabling them, supporting undeserved handouts, and contributing to the "problem.""
Are very familiar to me. I don't even think I can put it in a better way than you did.
Lately I was also braking this habit and sometimes giving whatever change I have. Still, again I'll borrow your words:
" And when I walked away, I didn't feel any sense of smug satisfaction at having done a "good deed." Hardly. On the contrary, I felt a pang in my soul, disturbed not only by how painful of a position this person has landed in, but also that there was really so little else I could do - seeing the man's suffering, but unable to change it."
I remember few years back (around 2013), I volunteered with a group of people that were making efforts to help homeless people by providing some healthy and freshly cooked food (They used to cook burritos) as well as some essentials, like socks or sanitary pads etc.
After we are done cooking, assembling and wrapping the burritos we will split into groups going to different areas in Montreal, Canada to distribute them. There were many types of homeless and beggars. Some where just ungrateful and bitter to the point they will refuse the food and demand money instead, while others were touched by the small gesture and were very happy to have a meal during that day of their life.
What was very sad, however, was the fact that some of these homeless beggars were young people who had extremely abusive families (Sexual, physical and psychological), that they chose to live on the street and humble themselves to the outsiders rather than to stay home and accept the abuse from their relatives. That is, despite the possibility that they will be abused by outsiders as well.
Such heart wrenching reality was mind changing for me and a reason why I chose to break my habit. As I came to understand that I don't know, and probably I will never know, what these people went through, how much they suffered and what made them break down to that point. So it is really not up to me to arrogantly decide whether they deserve my help or not.
Since then I decided that if I crossed paths with someone in need and got the feeling to help them with the little I can (at least by acknowledging them with a smile) then I will do it.
More importantly, I decided that I will not question anymore whether I am doing the right thing or not, but I will pray that they will get the best out of my help
Many thanks for sharing your experience which allowed me to share mine. I still think you are a good person at heart (even though you don't want to be praised) because at least feel bad if you don't help enough or at all :)
I oftentimes have this dilemma as well for beggars; at the spur of the moment we should listen to our hearts and let it decide. Then just offer our doubts and anxieties to Jesus Christ. That's my take on this....
The majority of the beggars on the streets of Dublin are heroin addicts, perhaps creating a worse dilemma.
Does your 'generosity' contribute to their wretchedness or does it afford some small relief, albeit fleeting.
Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't, both of which make me feel equally guilty.
Yeah, a lot of addictions and mental disorders. Adds to the conflict, knowing what may be given may be spent on feeding self-destruction. Perhaps sometimes giving food a better option to negate that possibility...
interesting ...
i can relate to how you felt about the old guy -
we have a lot of beggars in the Ph and for some reasons some of them make you feel like you have to help them or go forward with a heaving heart if you don't and some makes you feel annoyed - for some reasons something about them seems fake (no judging on this side just sharing them old emos back then)
not tooting my own horns but I've never given any cent to any beggar back in the Ph.. what my folks taught us was to give them something to eat because sometimes they just use them cents or money to do their vices.
Here, I haven't seen any beggar but some men play some musical instrument and they could really play well so I couldn't help but give something too and if they really play their best with a smile as if they are not really begging but they actually are - bills aren't enough and laying them on their guitar or money bin isn't enough so waiting for them to finish and hand it on their hands at the same time looking in their eyes when you do that sort'a makes me feel more .. connected .. which I don't really intend to do - it just happened perhaps because the person didn't just ask for help they gave something or did something and sometimes something freaking awesome having written that .. I'm not sure I can call that begging anymore
Yeah... I suppose not everyone has the skills to offer some form of art or entertainment, though I do appreciate buskers for their engagement in offering a form of value without demand...
I think part of the issue is wanting to help in the most helpful way. Should I go at the root and try to end global poverty and the neglect of the mentally ill and veterans? Fight for universal basic income or at least living wage? Give cash? Give food? I think it's some combination. Working to end the problems created by systemic inequality and capitalism gone wild (like the girls gone wild videos but with corporate CEOs and boards just gorging and polluting and cheating) is crucial. But some temporary assistance is also needed. I try to just go with my gut. I can usually smell a scammer, and I don't like giving to them because, well, honesty. I don't necessarily care if people are going to use it for drugs or liquor because everybody needs to cope, and they have a lot to cope with. I don't know what it's like to be in those shoes. I'd probably want liquor too. Everybody has a story, and it helps me to remember that. I have no idea how they got there.
This was a good read on a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.
I recently took to the streets in Sydney (Australia) after raising $1,300. I used this money to make up care packages and buy food which I took with me and handed out to those in need. I also slept on the street that night, learning about the people who are in those situation. It was very humbling and gave my life a lot of perspective.
I'm not sure about other places in the world, but most of the people I met were struggling with alcohol or substance abuse and giving out money to these people would only be used to fuel there addictions.
I share a very tough story of one man I met and with my thoughts on those struggling with homelessness here
Keep doing what you can for those who you feel deserve it!
Dear @rok-sivante, many of the struggles you had put amazingly into words
Are very familiar to me. I don't even think I can put it in a better way than you did.
Lately I was also braking this habit and sometimes giving whatever change I have. Still, again I'll borrow your words:
I remember few years back (around 2013), I volunteered with a group of people that were making efforts to help homeless people by providing some healthy and freshly cooked food (They used to cook burritos) as well as some essentials, like socks or sanitary pads etc.
After we are done cooking, assembling and wrapping the burritos we will split into groups going to different areas in Montreal, Canada to distribute them. There were many types of homeless and beggars. Some where just ungrateful and bitter to the point they will refuse the food and demand money instead, while others were touched by the small gesture and were very happy to have a meal during that day of their life.
What was very sad, however, was the fact that some of these homeless beggars were young people who had extremely abusive families (Sexual, physical and psychological), that they chose to live on the street and humble themselves to the outsiders rather than to stay home and accept the abuse from their relatives. That is, despite the possibility that they will be abused by outsiders as well.
Such heart wrenching reality was mind changing for me and a reason why I chose to break my habit. As I came to understand that I don't know, and probably I will never know, what these people went through, how much they suffered and what made them break down to that point. So it is really not up to me to arrogantly decide whether they deserve my help or not.
Since then I decided that if I crossed paths with someone in need and got the feeling to help them with the little I can (at least by acknowledging them with a smile) then I will do it.
More importantly, I decided that I will not question anymore whether I am doing the right thing or not, but I will pray that they will get the best out of my help
Many thanks for sharing your experience which allowed me to share mine. I still think you are a good person at heart (even though you don't want to be praised) because at least feel bad if you don't help enough or at all :)
Love and peace :)
Your welcome, and thank you for this excellent contribution to the dialogue. 💖
Thank you for posting the dialogue to begin with then ;D
I know how you feel in that situation, I feel the same
The best way to help is just to buy them some food I think...
''Tis a good option, as you know for sure the giving won't be abused...
I oftentimes have this dilemma as well for beggars; at the spur of the moment we should listen to our hearts and let it decide. Then just offer our doubts and anxieties to Jesus Christ. That's my take on this....
The majority of the beggars on the streets of Dublin are heroin addicts, perhaps creating a worse dilemma.
Does your 'generosity' contribute to their wretchedness or does it afford some small relief, albeit fleeting.
Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't, both of which make me feel equally guilty.
Yeah, a lot of addictions and mental disorders. Adds to the conflict, knowing what may be given may be spent on feeding self-destruction. Perhaps sometimes giving food a better option to negate that possibility...
interesting ...
i can relate to how you felt about the old guy -
we have a lot of beggars in the Ph and for some reasons some of them make you feel like you have to help them or go forward with a heaving heart if you don't and some makes you feel annoyed - for some reasons something about them seems fake (no judging on this side just sharing them old emos back then)
not tooting my own horns but I've never given any cent to any beggar back in the Ph.. what my folks taught us was to give them something to eat because sometimes they just use them cents or money to do their vices.
Here, I haven't seen any beggar but some men play some musical instrument and they could really play well so I couldn't help but give something too and if they really play their best with a smile as if they are not really begging but they actually are - bills aren't enough and laying them on their guitar or money bin isn't enough so waiting for them to finish and hand it on their hands at the same time looking in their eyes when you do that sort'a makes me feel more .. connected .. which I don't really intend to do - it just happened perhaps because the person didn't just ask for help they gave something or did something and sometimes something freaking awesome having written that .. I'm not sure I can call that begging anymore
Yeah... I suppose not everyone has the skills to offer some form of art or entertainment, though I do appreciate buskers for their engagement in offering a form of value without demand...
so true
I think part of the issue is wanting to help in the most helpful way. Should I go at the root and try to end global poverty and the neglect of the mentally ill and veterans? Fight for universal basic income or at least living wage? Give cash? Give food? I think it's some combination. Working to end the problems created by systemic inequality and capitalism gone wild (like the girls gone wild videos but with corporate CEOs and boards just gorging and polluting and cheating) is crucial. But some temporary assistance is also needed. I try to just go with my gut. I can usually smell a scammer, and I don't like giving to them because, well, honesty. I don't necessarily care if people are going to use it for drugs or liquor because everybody needs to cope, and they have a lot to cope with. I don't know what it's like to be in those shoes. I'd probably want liquor too. Everybody has a story, and it helps me to remember that. I have no idea how they got there.
Great perspectives.
This was a good read on a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.
I recently took to the streets in Sydney (Australia) after raising $1,300. I used this money to make up care packages and buy food which I took with me and handed out to those in need. I also slept on the street that night, learning about the people who are in those situation. It was very humbling and gave my life a lot of perspective.
I'm not sure about other places in the world, but most of the people I met were struggling with alcohol or substance abuse and giving out money to these people would only be used to fuel there addictions.
I share a very tough story of one man I met and with my thoughts on those struggling with homelessness here
Keep doing what you can for those who you feel deserve it!
All the best
harrynewman
that little bit it helps, believe me i know what im talking about