Welcome to Part 3 of Ultimate Guide for Ladies (and Gentlemen) who love to party!
Have you fallen in love with Festival Life yet? I have. And while it is a romance for record books, I can't help but feel like the whole affair is a bit star-crossed sometimes. . .
Whether you are a fresh faced first timer with your booty hanging out (you only get one first time!), or a crusty be-goggled Rave Pro, this Guide is for you if:
You find yourself feigning for the rush of making a whole crew of new, beautiful friends who have the same obscure musical taste you do (You love Electro Future Trance Hop?! I love Electro Future Trance Hop!!!);
You shoulders ache unless the bass is making them shake . . .
You can imagine the magik of that special spark of attraction that starts a fire in your heart from the dance floor, and then the drop makes your face melt right off;
It's a special kind of glorious we revel in again and again because we feel the build up of that particular type of magik (spelled here without the C intentionally for the sake of differentiation).
And that is a feeling worth any price.
But there is a flip side to every coin, no matter how pretty the glitter coated penny may be. And sometimes, too many times, the cost can be more than we bargain for. As overpriced as the bottled water and "fresh fruit" smoothies in the food vendor field, adding up far beyond early bird ticket price and gas money. . .
Maybe you know the feeling (and if you don't yet, trust me, you will):
That ache that starts behind your eyes and throbs in time with every drumbeat, like your brain meat is starting its own Indie Band and they lean a bit heavy on the snare;
The scratch that starts at the back of your throat, and is all you have left to call a voice by Sunday morning;
The ringing in your ears that doesn't stop like it should when the music does;
The rising fear in your gut when you realize you don't know where the f&%# your Buddies are, and some guy in a rabbit mask keeps appearing around the corner (that's right, he's back again) for a very important date with you;
The stiffness in your neck when you wake up on the ground covered in dust. Or mud. Or something worse. For the third night in a row.
And then you realize the line for the showers, which you couldn't even find until today, is three hours long in the direct sun and rustling in whispers about “running out of water” . . .
Hi! I'm Stirling.
Many have observed me in my Natural Habitat: rocking out on top of speaker blocks and festival stages across many a continent on any given day.
I've learned a lot along the way. I LOVE to have a good time, just like a lot of good friends of mine. We've figured out how to make this our work (yeah, we get paid to do this), and it is an art we've been practicing for years.
Woven throughout this rainbow tapestry I call my many years of Epic Fun Time Adventures are the fraying, faded threads and sharp reminders of uncomfortable moments, scary situations, and utterly stupid mistakes. A lot of mistakes.
A lot of stupid mistakes. Mistakes bad enough I hope no one else has to make them. Ever. Again.
That's why I've decided to climb all the way down to Rock Bottom and mine the depths of this treasure trove of trial and error. All for you!
And I am here now to pass this hard won knowledge on, so the next generation of Festie Besties can be ferociously whatever they want to be while staying safe and healthy. Be sure to ✨ read Part 1. and Part 2 here✨ to get the whole picture. Catch up!
No matter how electrified your trip into the main stage crowd may be, whether by L.E.D. or L.S.D., there is no doubt that these nights get DARK. You've read the previous installments of this guide, and so of course you have your Head Lamp, which serves you well in the unrivaled depths of Port-O-Potty darkness.
But on this adventure of a weekend, there will certainly be those moments when the specific face forward directionality of your Head Lamp will limit its usefulness, and a more ambient lighting apparatus you will require.
Like when you're at camp, attempting to regale your amigos with Tales from the Trenches, and you would like to see their genuine face reaction without painfully blinding them.
Thus, we come to the first Must Have on today's list:
Flashlight? You say, as if you could possibly understand. This is no ordinary artifact of the plebeian camper! This is the pent-ultimate accomplishment of outdoor tool evolution to make Maguiver himself tear up (a little bit. But don't worry, he has a hanky. He's Maguiver).
Sure, the trails may be lit, and depending on the nature of what adventure you have undertaken, that same flame throwing Octopus illuminating the night sky all around you (El Pulpo Macanico! Ole!), and you're carrying your head lamp at all times anyway. Why do you need a flashlight?
THIS Flashlight is worthy of graduating from the ranks of Festival Accouterment to be counted among the items that go everywhere you go (mine lives in my car). Not only does this light promise that all nightly meals and tent escapades be illuminated, it will also charge charge your devices!
That's right, count yourself among the grown-ups and offer only fleeting glances of pity at those around you whom have run their car battery into submission attempting to charge their phone by burning Dinosaur bones a la combustion engine 3 feet from where their buddy is passed out, unconsciously huffing fumes. You have come prepared and fully self-sustaining.
And when Homie realizes he locked his keys in the car after draining the battery trying to charge his phone, you can save the day, becuase this Ultra Flashlight comes equipped with Car Window Smasher Device technology (yes, this is the technical terminology for such a device). How helpful you are!
On the note of coming prepared for anything, we have another key essential for those of you born with, or directly effected by, a Vagina, for when that Dark Moon rises:
Oh the tales that tiny can in the campsite bathroom could tell. Bloody horrors worthy of a Stephen King novella. And then it come to Leave No Trace (a principle we ALWAYS support, now don't we???), and you're expected to pack out every trash item you've packed in, after it has sat festering in the summer sun for 4 days. . . Let's just say it's enough to put a lady off bleached rayon yoni plugs for life!
But worry no longer! We have entered a new era, ladies, a glorious era of molded and modeled silicone in the color of your choice! Graduate from disposable tampons and the discomfort of dancing in Lady Diapers! Don’t be left wanting when your cycle comes and the First Aid tent used their last box stopping up bloody noses.
As we covered in the previous installments of this Guide, when we are intentionally challenging our very Human-ness by purposefully and repeatedly exposing ourselves to every direction of extremes including, but not limited to;
The raw natural elements of wind, sun, heat, cold, rain, et al;
Depriving ourselves of sleep and nutrition;
Intense physical exertion on the dance floor and the hikes between them;
All the other things that make us sweat;
Under-eating and over-doing;
As well as those potential extra-curricular substance activities that over-use the internal brain juices;
And all the other hyper glamorous activities that festival life entails. . .
We. Must. Stay. Hydrated. I repeat:
DRINK MORE WATER.
This is another one of those constant decisions that makes the difference between The Having Fun-Times, Migraines, Barf Sessions, and Literal Death.
(seriously, Hypernatremia AND Dehydration can = DEATH, look it up)
Since you've read ✨Part 1 ✨ of this series, you're all knowledgeable and prepared, look at you! You have your Pee Funnel in hand. How professional! Now you can most ease-fully and efficiently check the color of you pee.
Seriously. Every time. Pee clear. If there is any yellow there, YOU ARE DEHYDRATED.
DRINK. MORE. WATER.
You are among the Elite Expert Level Party Kids. You rock a Hydration Pack. It's inner bladder full of filtered water you brought with you to the site in bulk by the gallon, it's outer pockets stashing all the extra party favors you require. And since you're such the Pro, obviously you don't depend on the presence of drinking fountains (because who knows if the water at this camp site is even potable, or when it will run out? Not you).
You make sure this pack is full every time you return to camp. Knowing what you know from Part 1 you also dump in a stack of Electrolyte Packets, so that you always have extra to offer your Buddy System comrades (because you ARE using the Buddy System, RRRRIIIGGHHHTTT????!?), and are carrying extra in case you stumble across a wayward Festie Goer whose Thought Computer seems to be more on The Brain Drain than up to processing speed.
Electrolytes Save Lives. Water IS Life. But sometimes we might thirst for something else in addition. . . And thus we come to Essential # 3:
Because there is no way you would fill your Hydration Pack with ANYTHING besides water, rrrriiiigghht??? Of course! You're not THAT idiot. He collapsed due to heat exhaustion on Day Two and hasn't emerged from the 1st aid tent since.
But that's not to say that you may, at some point during Adventure Times, thirst for a more Adult Beverage, whatever this choice beverage may be. And when this time comes, you will certainly be prepared to house said beverage in a way that neither encumbers your hands, nor forces you to drink faster than your stomach would prefer. Thus, the Lid and Clip design pairing. Because you are also not the fool who leaves their drink open or unattended. EVER. Put a lid on that.
Having a kick-ass amazing memory making time is important. And the best way to do that is by taking the necessary steps to stay safe, happy, healthy, and alive!
What are your Must-Have items and essential strategies for having the Best Time Ever? Let me know in the Comments below!
✨ All photos in this article are owned/ created by me, or sourced from Unsplash and Pixabay under Creative Commons Licensing, or made available to me as an Associate through Amazon and Vibedration. Some product links are affiliate links ✨
✨There certainly are more where this came from!
Catch up on Part 1 here.
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And another homemade meme ✨Color Challenge ✨ Sky Blue Friday ✨ A recipe to change the world 💥
If you'd like to explore some more of my content, I have a 5 part Series I'm just wrapping up on Cannabis Business Education
And a foray into my mystical conceptualization as a young child with this Supernatural Writing Contest Entry