John the Barman. (Short story) part 9

This is a re-post of a short story I first began posting in September 2016, when I first joined steemit.
The story was first published in 2013 as an e-book and is based heavily, in location on my old local pub and my good friend who worked behind the bar.

In the snug next to the stairs sat four old Mayan gods who were over on holiday. They had walked in and taken over the first snug, placing a large decorative water bong on the table. John had managed to explain that they couldn’t light up in his bar but were welcome to get some drinks. The fact that none of the four spoke anything remotely like English - or even Latin - was proving a problem, until the Celtic Gods Esus and Fagus walked in. Fagus ordered a bottle of Jagermeister and six shot glasses and sat down with a big grin. John hadn’t caught the Mayans’ names and as they were now in the middle of a shot drinking session with Esus and Fagus, he wasn’t sure he would. He doubted even they would be able to pronounce their own names soon, at the rate the shots were going down.
Melanie was not due to work tonight so it was a relief when he saw her jump onto his barstool at the end of the bar. After finishing serving an angel a round of bottled brown ales, John quickly looked to see if anyone else was waiting to be served before he went over to her.
“Hi Melanie, want a drink?” John asked.
“Just a coke please, do you need a hand with anything?” Melanie asked, looking around at the busy bar.
“I’m on top of it at the minute, apart from the glass collecting round the pool table. I asked Azraile if he would do it like normal but because of the Valkyries up there getting a bit fresh, he refused. Even when I offered a couple of free drinks, he still wouldn’t go up there.” John said as he picked up a glass for her drink.
“I’ll go up there now while you get my drink, won’t take me a minute.” Melanie said with a smile and jumped down from the barstool.
John watched her walk into the midst of the partying Valkyries and he heard the cheer as they noticed the barmaid. The Valkyries had all taken to Melanie and she had become an unofficial member of their ranks. Without the calming influence of Odin, the Valkyries had become a law to themselves and almost everyone stepped gingerly around them. Not many could now calm them down once they started partying but Melanie was one of the few that managed it. Still, it would be a while before she managed to escape them and John doubted she would be totally sober when she did. With a shrug, he walked over to a strange little man who had jumped on to an empty barstool.
“Hello, not seen you in here before, what would you like to drink?” John asked the newcomer.
“Did you know that there are more chickens than people in the world? If the chickens ever unite in a single religious belief system then their god would be the most powerful on Earth,” the stranger replied.
The angel who sat next to him looked down, confused. “Are you this chicken god then?” the angel asked with a slight slur to his voice.
“No, I’m the God of Useless Information,” he replied and smiling, he held out a hand, that was rewarded with a strange look from the angel.
“Angels don’t shake hands,” John explained to him, the strange new god dropped his hand.
“I’ll remember that, a good piece of information for me to add to my list,” the God of Useless Information said with a broad smile.
“So how long have you been in the God business? I’ve not heard of you before,” John said as other customers around him stopped talking and looked at the strange little god.
“Only for the last few months, it’s all down to the internet getting me up to the number of followers needed to become a deity. I just got my official papers through last week from the union. All signed and sealed,” the strange little god replied with pride.
“So what is your belief system then?” asked a demon who was standing beside the seated angel listening into the conversation.
“Not fully sure yet, but I know I have to impart useless information and facts to people, like did you know a cat has thirty two muscles in each ear.”
“No way, how could you have all those muscles just for a tiny ear?” the seated angel said, amazed. “Tell us some more stuff.”
This got a murmer of agreement from the group of people that had gathered around the strange new God of Useless Information.
“Well let me see, an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain,” the god said, looking around at the fascinated and growing crowd.
“John, get me a refill and a beer for our new friend,” the angel sat said, lifting up his empty glass.
John took the glass and placed it in the pot washer, reaching onto the shelf; he grabbed two more and began to fill them with beer. He returned to the group with the beers, just as the God of Useless Information gave out a new amazing, but useless fact.
“A flamingo can only eat when its head is upside down.”
This drew gasps and comments of ‘no way’ and ‘get out of here.’
Placing the two glasses down, John looked up and was surprised to see War push his way through the crowd to the bar, Death followed behind him. A couple of angels turned to say something at being pushed but saw the expression on War’s face and decided to move and stand somewhere else to finish their drinks.

To be continued.

Previous posts.

https://steemit.com/fiction/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-1

https://steemit.com/fiction/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-2

https://steemit.com/writing/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-3

https://steemit.com/fiction/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-4

https://steemit.com/story/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-5

https://steemit.com/fiction/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-6

https://steemit.com/story/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-7

https://steemit.com/story/@alienbutt/john-the-barman-short-story-part-8