John the Barman. (Short story part 6.)

This is a re-post of a short story I first began posting in September 2016, when I first joined steemit.
The story was first published in 2013 as an e-book and is based heavily, in location on my old local pub and my good friend who worked behind the bar.

“Can I have some service down here?” Thor interrupted from the other end of the bar.
John turned around and saw Thor had come down from the pool table with two empty glasses. “Back in a minute, Death. A pint and a red wine again?” John asked walking down to serve Thor.
“So what are you two prattling on about like a couple of big girls’ corsets?” Thor asked.
“John’s helping me sort out my dating site profile,” Death answered.
“What you want to join one of them things for? In my day you just went in, bashed up a few ice giants and accepted the thanks of a maiden with a big smile and even bigger ale kegs,” Thor said with a lurid grin.
“Times have changed Thor, now a girl wants more than a ‘wham, bam, thank you mam’, she wants romance and stuff,” John said as he placed a glass of wine down and grabbed a pint glass for the beer.
Thor shook his head in disgust before turning up to Hercules who still stood by the pool table. “Hercules, did you ever go in for all that romance stuff to get a girl?” Thor asked.
Hercules chuckled. “Didn’t have to, just mentioned who I was and flexed my muscles and a dozen maidens would swoon at my feet.”
“And never get up again the way your feet stink,” Thor added laughing.
“This isn’t helping,” John cut in. “We need a new name for Death for his profile.”
“Miserable tosser,” Hercules said, and both old men burst out laughing.
“Not helping,” John repeated, giving the two a disapproving glare.
Hercules walked down towards the bar still chuckling. “Look John, he’s Death and that just doesn’t do it for the ladies.”
“Unless they’re the ladies who’re not on the right end of the sanity scale,” Thor pointed out. “Women love heroes that save them, not some bloke in black that shows up to take their loved ones away.”
Hercules nodded in agreement. “If you want to find a Mrs Death then you need to stop looking in the mortal world out there.”
“Well where do you suggest I look then?” Death asked, throwing both old men a look and a slight spasm to their hearts which suddenly reminded the two that old men should not make jokes at the expense of Death, gods or not.
The chuckling and laughter stopped. Both fell into serious thought on who would make a good date for Death.
Hercules spoke first. “Well the Greek Pantheon is out, the women are all either married, crazy evil or we killed ‘em back in the day.”
“Norse ones too, they wouldn’t be right either,” Thor added.
“Why? I quite like blondes and I’m sure not all of your sisters are in relationships,” Death said.
“Joking aside Death, I like you but my sisters are all rather vicious and at least one prefers the company of the Valkyries so to speak,” Thor answered.
“So who else can you think of?” John asked.
“Well Ishtar has split from Anu again,” Thor said rubbing his chin.
“I don’t think so,” John replied. “She’s far too adventurous and has a tendency to be a little violent towards her close male friends.”
“Ceridwen then, she has beauty and brains,” Hercules offered.
“She’s been linked with Behdety, they were in here last month together.” John replied.
“She’s with Behdety? The Behdety I know from Egypt? She’s roughing it a bit isn’t she?” Thor was aghast.
“Well come on, there must be someone else,” Death said impatiently.
“What about Hathor? She’s single,” Thor said with a smile.
“There’s a reason for that, she’s been going around in the form of a cow for that long, I doubt she could change back,” Hercules pointed out.
“Epona is nice, and they would share a love of horses,” Hercules said with a grin.
Thor nodded his agreement. “She’s still a fine looking woman. You should go ask her out.”
“I can’t just walk up to her and ask her out, I wouldn’t know what to say,” Death said already sounding worried.
“You’re kidding aren’t you?” Hercules said, halfway caught between disbelief and laughing but the twinge Death had given his heart was still a fresh memory. “You’ve asked girls out before, it’s easy, just have a few beers and give ‘em a snog. Either you get slapped or get lucky,” he said with a grin and a wink.
“Ignore those two, if you want advice go see Eros. He knows how to romance a lady and may even have a little charm or something to help you get over being nervous,” John cut in, silencing the two old men with a glance.
“Well I can’t ask Epona out anyway, she had a brief thing with Famine. Let’s face it, none of our women who are single are suitable. That’s why I started looking around at human females; there are billions of them so I’m bound to find one.”
Thor shrugged. “Good point, those are decent odds of finding one. With that many to ask, there has to be a girl somewhere that would go for Death. Erm, Death why is your pocket playing ‘Don’t fear the reaper’?”

To be continued.