Mood seismograph child - Look at your child and you know how you feel
Mood seismograph child - Look at your child and you know how you feel
For children, parents are the linchpin of the world and in the early years the main focus. This not only applies to learning and thinking, but also to feeling. Often children feel moods before their parents - and react with the same behavior.
Six-year-old Max is getting increasingly dissatisfied. There are negative feedback from the school and the once so happy boy seems to have forgotten the laughter. When the parents finally clarify and stabilize their relationship, he is suddenly completely old again! This is just an example and an extreme example of how the parents' behavior and moods can be transferred to the child. Children are a guide for our own emotional life. So, if your child suddenly becomes unbalanced and acts abnormally, it may be up to you.
How moods are transmitted
Everyone has already experienced that the parental mood transfers to the child. Why this is so, however, has only been known since 1996. At that time, Italian researchers discovered the mirror neurons. These special nerve cells make people become compassionate beings. They are also responsible for being "infected" by the feelings of others. For babies and toddlers, who are strongly focused on the parents, this applies all the more. If they perceive the parental feelings, for example through facial expressions, gestures or even only the negative or positive charisma, then the mirror cells produce the same feelings in themselves.
The restless child
What a day! Even at night, your baby slept badly, you are nervous, your partner much more. The result: The already overworked child roars and quivers even at dawn endlessly. Until the good-humored grandma appears. She takes the little one in her arms, grins and makes a few jokes with him. The baby smiles and a few minutes later, blissfully slumbered on Granny's arm. Depending on sensitivity and stability, children sometimes react extremely badly to the parents' bad moods. Maybe they had argued in the evening, there is something unspoken in the air or you're just in a bad mood. All this transfers to the child and makes it uncertain and nervous. Since the child can not classify these feelings, which do not really belong to him, it reacts in the appropriate way: it becomes whining and roars. That's what makes him feel unwell. And that in turn affects the health of the parents.
The child as a mood barometer
The next time your child takes away your nerve, take a moment: how are you, what's your mood? Are you irritated and tense? If so, then it's no wonder your child is annoying. For you, this behavior is a chance, true to the motto "Danger recognized, danger banned". Take a moment to analyze your own emotional state and then actively try to get a grip on yourself. How you do that does not matter: you can meditate, sing, kick against the wall, or have a coffee. The main thing is, you manage to positively change your mood. As a rule, it does not take a long time until your child is happy again. Even if there are problems in the relationship, children are often the first to show this outwardly. Like little Max in the case above, behavioral changes happen without the child being able to say what's going on.
The fact that a child takes on the moods of his parents can in many cases also be used for positive effects. Whether it's the first visit to kindergarten, a consultation with the doctor or the long waterslide in the pool. If you approach things with a positive and confident attitude, your child will do the same. Because it relies on you and trusts you in every way.
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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When I am super annoyed of myself and I am having a very bad day, I find it super hard to make my way out of the vicious circle of negative mood transmission. My children act as a mirror of my behavior and I feel like throwing them against the wall, where as the major problem in this case is myself.
Situations like these often ended up in me yelling at the kids and feeling guilty at the same time because I knew I was wrong but I just couldn’t help myself. As a stay-at-home mom it is not always easy to find a way to compensate emotions without making the kids being involved in this process.
What I started doing just very recently is meditating. It might sound weird but whenever I feel like things are going out of control, I leave the kids room, or living room to be on my own for 2 or 3 minutes. I sit and close my eyes and breathe. It helps me to let go off the negativity and to clear up my mind. I go back to my kids and hug them and in most cases the situation changes immediately and the kids are just as relaxed as I am.
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i know this about the YELLING times... but i start to shout into my pillow and stopped to do it loud out... so i got this small moment which i needed to get clear with my self again and try to talk in a normal way to em that like the way you try to reach with meditating ;) smile diffrent ways same solution ...