Dearest Steemians, my new friends... I have a message for you all from my heart.

After only one month, I have 700+ followers, 1500+ posts, Rep Score of 59, wrote an original song about Steemit, have been featured by @jerrybanfield, @melkay and @cryptogee and have met an unbelievable amount of new friends. This must be a dream!
However, I just spent most of my day in a philosophical discussion concerning at the core, my motivations and aspirations in life and my eyes have been re-opened and heart has been dissected, let me tell you about my experience here in the honest, vulnerable way that is the key to my soul.

---

I had a wonderful night out tonight, look at the beautiful sight I stumbled upon! In honor of this powerful moon, I am sending a piece of my heart to you!

---

As you might have guessed, I am strongly and emotionally motivated by my heart and right now, my heart is telling me I need to reel my life back in as it's seeming my line might have been cast too far out, and is starting to get slightly out of my control.

If you've read any of my stories, you'll know that I come from a rough past filled with negative energy that haunted me into a paralyzed confusion over what to do with my life. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I decided to change my ways and turn my life around. I have been battling those demons and struggling trying to find my way since only recently finding a positive path for myself.

About a week after joining this new platform, learning how this all worked, I came across a contest hosted by @melkay here and I found myself spilling my thoughts onto my keyboard and entered. I wrote about how I had been feeling shame and guilt about wanting a different life than the one I was leading. The life that people looked at in admiration but was leaving me feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled in return. I had just found a peace and commitment to myself when I ran into Steemit (full steam!)

---

---

I had just secured a home for the first time in years and was settling in to everything I wanted and needed to feel the comfort I felt I was missing in my life. I had finally given myself space to set up a routine and cultivate the environment I needed to activate the happiness from inside. It started to work. Everything was feeling like it was going to propel me into a glittering rainbow of everything I wanted. I started to walk on sunshine. I was in my zone, things were wonderful, I had captured what I had been looking for.

Then, I found Steemit and at first (after the learning curb hurdle), it was fun and light. I would passively come on, then leave again and enjoy my life, play with my dog, spend time in the garden, read, sing, love, laugh... but then I started thinking I needed to work harder. I started spending full work days (and then some) at my computer trying to get myself established. I had read blogs fear mongering that if you didn't get in now, too many people were going to flood the system and then you'd be wiped out for good, lost opportunity waving at you from afar. I took it seriously and dove in full speed.

Things were great (and are great by the way!) I just found myself getting caught up on things that I didn't want to.

For example, when I first started, I found it to be intensely difficult to learn how to move around this platform. I had no experience and no background to know what I was doing at all. I was sinking and I was really distraught about it. When you first join, you see huge amounts on people's post and can hold that number against yourself as a bar to measure up to... it is a very dangerous game to play.

I found myself giving advice early on to people who were writing about their frustrations, telling them to just be calm, to write about what they love and to never do anything out of a perceived want. I believe that when we start worrying or stressing about anything, that's where the lack of success comes in.

---

---

I found success through being authentic, posting what came to my heart, what flowed though my fingertips. I just posted when I was done writing, whatever time it was and let it go out into the Steemitverse. It was when I started questioning myself and the dynamics of this platform that this started to feel like work and was no longer as much fun as it once was.

Steemit is not my job:

It's a hobby, it's extra coins in my wallet to change to Steem to have an increased say in what I want to vote for. That's what this is for me. I haven't taken any money I have earned out of here. I exchanged a bit into Steem and sent some around but I've not withdrawed any. I also put in the majority of my savings, believing in this platform and what it stands for. That is huge coming from someone with as limited income as myself. I never feared trading my fiat into crypto because I believed in it, I believed in Steemit and I believed in myself.

---

---

I joined this platform to connect to people. I knew there was a money aspect to it but I didn't know what I was signing up for, I just wanted a community to share my interests with. That's what I am still after. I have been able to virtually meet several amazing people who have helped me along the way by supporting and encouraging me.

Well-Deserved Shout Outs:

(To those who helped me get here!)

@joeyrocketfilms greeted me with open arms from the very beginning and sent me countless articles about how to do everything around here as I was completely clueless and needing and seeking direction. Thank you so much for everything my friend! I remember one day we were talking, about a week into me joining and he was telling me new ways in which I could take on a more leadership role in Steemit because I was like a vacuum cleaner- sucking in all of the information available, obsessed and wanting to know everything there was to know about how this all worked! After hours stressing myself out about voting power and whaleshares... this that and the other, I said to him, I just want to create, I don't want to worry anymore about how to do everything and how it all works anymore, I just want to connect to people, love and do my thing.

That was the best advice I could give myself because at that time, it was making me the happiest and my heart was able to create freely!

@rawbinhutt welcomed me into Looking For Niche when I happened along into his Discord group somehow (we don't even know how I ended up there but I love that I did!) He explained his Whalebot to me and showed me how I could connect with people that have similar interests, I thought that was so cool! It was exactly what I wanted so I used the bot to connect with people who were interested in health- it worked and I told him about it! He even wrote an article featuring my experience with it! He and I have stayed in touch ever since and I love everything about what he is doing (go check him out!)

@melkay did me the honour of sharing my post in my very first feature on here! As I mentioned above, she showcased me in her womenofsteemit contest and I was so thrilled to be chosen. It was at that time, with that recognition that I decided I wanted to stick around and see what this could be for me. What a supportive community, I actually felt at home, encouraged and ready to Steem'on! Thanks @melkay! XO

@progressivechef for his unwaivering support and constant lively conversations- together he and I are going to create something wonderful, stay tuned for that!

My PALNET fam: @drakos @aggroed @gmuxx @sammosk @mk40 @kubbyelizabeth all of whom showed me love and encouragement from the day I first figured out how to join their Discord chat We have had some exciting conversations over there from when @drakos lent me my first monies to sign up to when everyone rallied on my side to get @aggroed to change my screen name to pink, it's all been far too fun! I wish I had more time to play around in there.

---

---

There were many others along the way who helped me fit in and find where I belonged. One day, I got a string of messages from @cryptogee excited about my crazy stories I was releasing. You can check the latest one out here though, I warn you, it's part 8 and reveals a lot of juicy stuff- if you've got time, check the previous (short) chapters if you're looking for a real-life thriller. This story still makes me cringe thinking about it. He liked it so much he even shared it in his Streemlight blog! His overwhelming encouragement was what inspired me to write that story a bit faster than I might have otherwise. He was anxious to find out what happened, and I am working on getting to the end so he can backtrack and read it from back to front ;)

All of my silent voters- thank you too! I appreciate your support and would love to get to know you!

---

---

If it weren't for this support network, I don't know where I would be now. I am beyond grateful to you all for showing me the love and support you have throughout my journey from beginning to where we are here. It is with this gratitude that I have to confess something...

I will be drastically reducing my time spent on Steemit. Let me tell you why. 

I joined Steemit one month ago. At that time as I have spoken about before, I was lost and confused, looking for a purpose for my life. I believed I had found that in Steemit. The trouble was, that once I joined, I became obsessed... addicted to it and it was great in some ways, but devastating in others.

What I mean by that is that I have been striving for the last 4 years of my life to find happiness, to promote love and health, joy and inspiration to the world but I could never find the right way to do it. I volunteered, I traveled, I posted on social media but nothing was giving me the satisfaction I was seeking until I started posting on Steemit.

I have a very creative imagination, combine that with a knack for compromising situations and you've got a recipe for an endless supply of blogs. I have so many ideas at any given time that I could be sitting at my computer writing forever, with no end in sight! The problem with that is that I was getting a wee bit consumed and forgetting about the other aspects of my life!

The thing about Steemit is that it takes a bit of curating in order to support your creating but those things together equal a lot of time. If you're willing to put in the time, you betchya you can make it worth it however, all I am looking for in life at this particular junction is an outlet to express myself and connect to others. I found myself judging my worth based on upvotes and at first since I was doing pretty well for a beginner, it felt great. But then, I started expecting a lot from myself. Putting pressure and expectations on what I should do, when I should post, how much I should write, how many articles could I read, how many people could I connect with? There were guilds and curation trails and VP delegation... All of a sudden I was on my computer far too much and being that I am a nomad, in charge of my own schedule. it meant that I was spending entire days sitting at the computer without moving, neglecting my routine and falling into a vortex of never ending possibilities.

There was a week that passed that completely escaped me. I didn't leave my house. My landlord sends a caretaker over every week on Fridays, so one Friday she showed up and the next minute... she was there again. I truly didn't even know a week had passed! It was mind-blowing to me! In that time, I also forgot that I had a flight scheduled for my visa run so I had completely lost track of time and everything else going on in my life as I trolled the seas of Steemit most waking hours of my day.

I love Steemit and I am not going anywhere but I am proposing a new relationship.

---

---

TL;DR: (too long, didn't read)

I think it's necessary and fair of me to cut back my hours invested (not completely, just a bit less than full days with limited sleep and negligence of everything else in my life!). I love you all and am so thankful for your support and want to continue to support you back so if I miss a post you'd like me to or think I should see, send it to me on Discord or Steemitchat, I would hate to miss your creative and inspiring messages!

If you like my blogs, let me know! Strike up a conversation with me, I always reply to my comments! If you feel my effort was worth an upvote that is greatly appreciated as well! I am turning my earnings into Steem Power at the moment anyways, so it's staying within the platform and I believe contributing to Steemit's success.

To sum this up because I know when I am coming from the heart I can tend to go on and on... I am going to continue to write about what I love, what I care about and what I feel I want to share with you without expectations and without judgment and while I hope you enjoy it, I have to distance myself from the evaluation aspect of it and so I am going to post freely, lovingly and hope you love it as much as I love posting it!

As you know by now I'm sure, I am obsessed with food (healthy, delicious, make-you-feel-good food to be exact) so I can promise you there will be plenty of recipes coming for as long as I have a kitchen at my disposal!I am a huge fan of SCC @steemitculinarychallenge and love partaking in the adventure week by week hosted by @woman-onthe-wing. If you're not into recipes, at least you can drool over the pictures! ;)

---

---

I have plenty of stories up my sleeve from my travels and troubled youth. I have ups and downs, fairy tales and nightmares and I plan to keep sharing them in their raw glory, stripping my secrets bare, leaving them here as a notebook, journal for me to look back on.

---

---

Pictures! I love the colorchallenge by @kalemandra and have pictures from all over the world in all colors of the rainbow to share with you (though, because I am a story teller, I always share with a story attached!) 💜

---

---

Health is a huge issue for me. I am striving constantly to improve my life, reduce my stress and increase my happiness and hope to share my successes and hurdles with that, with you!

---

---

Finally, although I am sure there will be randomness in between, I also want to share music here. I feel it's a safe space to open up and share something very near and dear to my heart and as such, I want to join and contribute to the musician community here. I think it's wonderful that we have things such as Steemit Idol by @vocalists-trail (that I am competing in) so you can also catch me over there belting my heart out! ;)

---

---

I'm here to have a good time, for a long time and I hope you'll be mine, for all of that time. I've said it before but I'm a lover, not a one-night stand kinda girl and I want us to connect deeper, love harder and support each other.

Sending you love, hope to see you around!

XO,

---

If you want to hear it click here