Showcase Sunday: The Orca and the Albatross
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Damn! this one's More than amazing, truth is, I won't be able to replicate such quality, the prose outlines a certain kind of descriptive ability that allows a reader place themselves in the thick of the actions really. It was even more suspense filled seeing you utilized the first person point of view for this one. And the imageries of the areas lits it the sense, makes me wonder why you haven't even considered being a full-time novelist like you know, publishing really.
It's a great story, the Japanese names were surely hard for me to pronounce but there was the spice, writing this for two days was worth every second
Ahhh buddy... you're too kind. Thanks for the glowing review, I appreciate it big time :)
The truth is that I am and I do lol I keep most of my short stories back for sending to literary magazines these days.
Because of my ongoing illness, I can't really keep the levels of focus that are needed for planning and writing a professional level novel, but it's on the cards when I can finally work out the magic formula to heal this chronic condition. Life just throws you a curve ball sometimes, and you've just gotta get on with it to the best of your capabilities, unfortunately mine are, and have been, badly limited for the last 6 years.
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HA, that was excellent man, you got some writing chops!!
Cheers m8.
Yeah, I've been honing my craft the last two years on steem, as well as before then. But steem is the most consistent I've been since I left uni in 2007.
I know I'm a bit heavy on the imagery sometimes, which is partly my style/voice, but I'm slowly find the balance between tighter prose and my poetic side coming through. I've gotta be honest I write poetry in much more of a flow... but no one ever made any money from poetry 🤣😂 well, not until after they were dead in most cases.
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Thats the thing, you don't ever want to stray too far from the imagery. The tightness is good to work on but you gotta keep it the way you are. Some of my favourite authors are imagery daft but also tight. Its a good balance to get.
Isn't Steemit actually first class for encouraging us all to write!
I hear you, and I agree. They call it 'voice' in creative writing circles, I suppose it's a good description. It's definitely a balancing act tempering what it is that gives the writing that uniqueness with tightening up plot and structure.
Yeah man, I agree 100%. My background is actually that I completed a degree in creative writing in 2007... bloody useless for getting a job 🤣 but I don't regret it. I had every intention to get down to writing novels after uni but clinical depression coupled with bad writers block did a double headed dildo arse fuck on me. I was literally useless as a writer for years, apart from the odd poem.
My first 8 months on steem was a really powerful time for me as I'd not written daily like that for nearly a decade. And once the creativity started flowing again it was like a catalyst which ground the depression away. Add into that the writing groups I was a part of, peer review and proofreading that we all offered each other and I honestly credit steem for my rediscovery of that passion for writing.
Lol, I'm getting all teary eyed here... but in all seriousness your right. Steem is first class for encouraging people in their creative outlets 🙂🍻
P.s. I seem to remember reading in your last post that you had to go to a book signing, when you consulted wifey on the free beer session. So I'm guessing you're a writer outside of steem as well. I do make some of my living writing outside of steem, but what's awesome about here is that you're never under anyone's thumb so to speak. It's always your choice what you write on steem. That's another gr8 thing about this place.
I read it quickly, with distractions in the background. Later I will reread for more careful appreciation. However, a few superficial impressions (which may not hold up later)
Later I'll get back after a more careful reading, if I think my comments might be worth anything to you.
Hi @agmoore
I always appreciate your feedback 👍
and you're right:
That scene in the bar is where the story really kicks in. The beginning (particularly the apartment scene) is kind of like setting up, if I'm honest. But I know that the perfect short story starts with a hook, the interesting characters and situations that draw the reader right in. I was unsure at the time I was editing if I should just ditch the whole apartment scene, but I couldn't do it in the end.
Looking at this story in retrospect is an illuminating experience as I can see the stylistic issues in this fiction that I've improved on over the last 18 months. I'm can be a bit heavy on the imagery sometimes, which is partly my style/voice, but I'm slowly finding the balance between tighter prose and my poetic side coming through.
The part of this story which I'm most proud of is the ending. I have to admit that I got that wonderful flow in the last section where I almost couldn't type quickly enough to keep up with the images in my mind. Kinda like it was pouring out of me. I always knew that they would meet on the beach and transform into see creatures together from the moment I started writing the story, but the twist with the Albatross and the part explaining how his wife and child died came to me in that flow of writing at the middle/end sections. I've got to admit I got quite emotional while writing this story.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback and if you have any more observations or critique I'd be happy to hear it 🙂
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I chose the magical realism story first because that is my favorite genre of all.
What a magical story! I have many questions, as I usually do with good stories.
How nice that a visit to a bar brings him to those with answers of how to meet his destiny.
I'm thinking she sang publicly just so he would come to her at the sea.
I love the image of them being together again, changed to new life forms of the sea. Hopefully that carcass they (their children? there are four whales, two adults, two juveniles) are dragging along is that creep Sora.
Lovely story I am so glad you sent me those links.
I love questions.
You got the jist of everything that was going on which is really gratifying because it makes me think the story want to convoluted for a reader of magic realism 🙂
Bingo! It was kind of meant to be like a sirens call, a strange song calling him back to the sea and his lost love.
Again, you got it spot on owasco! The juvenile killer whales are their children and they are indeed playing catch with Sora's corpse. A little gruesome maybe, but poetic justice. There is a scene near the end of the story where Hinata has a memory of his wife and children being swept out to sea in a tsunami... but I kinda wanted it to be ambiguous, whether it was a killer whale dreaming being a man, or a man who turns into a killer whale to find his way back to his reincarnated family. I'm not sure the story fully achieved that goal of being able to be read two ways but that's what I was going for. There are loads of little odd pointers throughout in the imagery, the bar (the albatross), the old man (his strange warbling as he sips his cutty sark) and the people he meets, how much water he keeps having to drink etc.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, it was one of those wonderful (and rare) ones that just flowed out and only needed a few drafts... I wish I could always write in that way
I did see the whales as whales at first, it took me a second to do the math, two adults, two children one carcass, so I do think you acheived what you wanted to.
I'm having a great time trying to pare stories down, get rid of anything unecessary. If it comes in at 700 words, cut it down to 600 for instance. I love the finish the story contest because you have to get a lot done in only 500 words. It took me two days to write my first one.
Freewrites are fabulous fun too though. Have you tried themostdangerouswriting app?