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RE: Showcase Sunday: The Orca and the Albatross
I read it quickly, with distractions in the background. Later I will reread for more careful appreciation. However, a few superficial impressions (which may not hold up later)
- The story really came to life for me when he met Tichiam Hamasaki. That scene drew me in
- Your editing is evident. Never, ever skimp on editing. It is the heart of the piece and where gems are chiseled from raw product. Others may not see it, but you do. That's the most important audience.
- Your imagery is beautiful--I can see that the story is well organized. You know what you are doing.
Later I'll get back after a more careful reading, if I think my comments might be worth anything to you.
Hi @agmoore
I always appreciate your feedback 👍
and you're right:
That scene in the bar is where the story really kicks in. The beginning (particularly the apartment scene) is kind of like setting up, if I'm honest. But I know that the perfect short story starts with a hook, the interesting characters and situations that draw the reader right in. I was unsure at the time I was editing if I should just ditch the whole apartment scene, but I couldn't do it in the end.
Looking at this story in retrospect is an illuminating experience as I can see the stylistic issues in this fiction that I've improved on over the last 18 months. I'm can be a bit heavy on the imagery sometimes, which is partly my style/voice, but I'm slowly finding the balance between tighter prose and my poetic side coming through.
The part of this story which I'm most proud of is the ending. I have to admit that I got that wonderful flow in the last section where I almost couldn't type quickly enough to keep up with the images in my mind. Kinda like it was pouring out of me. I always knew that they would meet on the beach and transform into see creatures together from the moment I started writing the story, but the twist with the Albatross and the part explaining how his wife and child died came to me in that flow of writing at the middle/end sections. I've got to admit I got quite emotional while writing this story.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback and if you have any more observations or critique I'd be happy to hear it 🙂