What does Kingdom Love look like?

 

It’s 12:23 AM on Valentine’s Day. It’s late, maybe this won’t be entirely coherent, but I thought this would be a good time, or as good a time as any, to post this.

It’s about marriage, and more specifically, love between spouses.  

Maybe I should take a step back first: I’m a Christian, I believe that there is a God, and I believe He demonstrated the ultimate act of love when He died for us, His own creation. With this in mind, I believe there are two present realms co-existing: a spiritual realm and an earthly realm. I believe God calls us to live in the spiritual realm, in His Kingdom, though our physical bodies remain on earth for this present time. 

The first thing I need to establish is that the ways of God are not the ways of man; what may be logical here on earth may make no sense in the Kingdom of God. 

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? (1 Corin. 1:18-20)

  God doesn’t operate by worldly logic and the ways of the world. If you want true freedom and a truly full life then you have to do it on God’s terms; you have to live as if you are actually already living in the Kingdom of God (which, for those of us who believe, we already are!) and you have to have the Kingdom mindset. 

 How do you deal with the baggage of a spouse? 

1. You need a Kingdom Mindset
2. Live out Kingdom Actions, apart from worldly logic  

  In Matthew 19:16 the rich young ruler approaches Jesus and asks Him how he can attain the same life Jesus is currently living on the earth (eternal life starts now, not once you die and go to Heaven); in other words, the rich young ruler is asking, without knowing it, “How can I leave the realm I am living in (worldly) and live in the realm you live in (heavenly)?

  Jesus tells him to do two things: first, you need to sell all your belongings and give the money to the poor; and, secondly, you need to come and follow me.

  Regarding the former, Jesus pinpoints the number one item of “baggage” that the rich young ruler is attached to: his love of money/possessions. As long as you hold onto things of the world, they are as anchors preventing you from entering fully into the Kingdom of Heaven (not referring to salvation here, as that is a work fully accomplished by God, rather, the “walk” you maintain with God and how available you are for God to use you.) So, Jesus says, “You need to drop your worldly anchors.” For the latter, Jesus essentially says, “Once your anchors are gone, then come and follow me and I will teach you what it means to live in the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. I will teach you how to have the mind of Christ and not the mind that is held captive by the thinking of the world.” 

  So, Jesus tells him two things: First, unattach; and secondly, walk in the way of the Kingdom. These two things must be set in motion in ourselves before we can truly love and forgive our spouse.  

  When you get married, you learn two new things: First, you see yourself differently; and secondly, you see your spouse differently. You learn things about yourself that you had previously never known because they had never been “tried” or “tested” as they are being now. For instance, I learned that I wasn’t as patient or selfless as I thought that I was heading into marriage. Regarding your spouse, you will come to learn new baggage they are carrying around with them that was either previously unknown to you or the weight of the baggage was different than what you had expected!

  Where do we start?

 Controlling and taming the tongue:

  “And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set against our members that it defiles the whole body…it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we both bless and curse; this shouldn’t be so. Can a spring yield both fresh and salt water?" (James 3)

  How you think and speak about your spouse alters your image of them and also their image of themselves; as you speak and think it alters your own spiritual landscape.

  Romans 4:17 says, “God who gives life to the dead and speaks things that are not as though they were.”

  It is a principle of the Kingdom of God that spoken words can and will produce life – to look at a situation that is impossible and to speak into the doubt and impossibility and speak truth and life. 

  Speak truth into your spouse even if it isn’t a current reality. If you speak love over them, it will produce love in them; speak hope and it will produce hope – it may not happen overnight, it may not happen in the first year; but your words are having an impact in the spiritual realm.

  Every single person has baggage that we carry around with us; and when you get married that baggage is brought into the relationship. Your job as a spouse isn’t to remove the baggage of your spouse, but to help carry it. Only God can remove the baggage and attachments that we have in this world. As a husband or as a wife, you have to give your spouse the freedom to be who God created them to be and the freedom to work out the removing of the baggage. If you try to control them, thinking that controlling them will eliminate the baggage, you are doing nothing but wrapping them in restrictive chains and trying to conform them to the image that you desire them to be. We have to give God his “elbow room” to work in each one of us.

  Hurt will come

  If you are married, you’re going to get hurt. As children of the Kingdom, how should we deal with this? How do we deal with this? Many build walls; either around themselves or around their spouse – to keep themselves safe from being hurt again. This is exactly what the enemy wants; for walls to be built. The goal of the enemy is to divide and conquer; Jesus himself said a house divided cannot stand – and the enemy knows this. A wall will help the enemy destroy a relationship; but boundaries can be helpful – an agreed upon restriction for a set amount of time. A wall and a boundary are two very different things, don’t confuse them.

  A woman was caught in adultery and was brought before Jesus. What was his response? He said, “I don’t condemn you, go and sin no more.” When He says to her, “go and sin no more”; I don’t picture him wagging his finger at her upset that she disobeyed the law, rather I see Him saying to her, “Please stop sinning; I know everything the Father has made you to be and this sin is hindering you from getting there; There is so much more for you! Put this sin behind you!”

  Your spouse will sin; sure, boundaries may need to be set. But your job is to continuously encourage your spouse to be all that God has created them to be, be willing to speak that truth into their life – even in the midst of your own hurt.   

  The Kingdom mindset is very clear on this point: Love your enemies (i.e. love those who just hurt you) and always be willing to forgive – even 70 x 7 – never stop forgiving. 

  Are you willing to hand things over to God? Are you willing to let God be the one who probes and reveals baggage to your spouse? Will you let God break the fallow ground? Do you actually believe prayer makes a difference in the life of another even when you see no evidence? 

  You can love radically, and I would argue that the normal life of a Kingdom dweller is exactly that: radical love here on earth.

  Unity is the living out of forgiving your spouse seventy times seven. 

Thanks for reading; if you may be interested in more please subscribe @allstarrunner. 

Part II will focus more on the actual act of Forgiveness.