Can Chores Be the Cause of Divorce?
Shortly put, yes. Chores can be the cause of a divorce.
Ultimately the causes of divorce in a relationship are many, but very few are what they seem on the surface.
The things that matter most to men (typically) are faithfulness and attention. Men would likely be the most hurt from their partners physically cheating, or no longer paying attention to them (when they desire attention).
While these things would also potentially hurt women, emotional issues in a relationship or marriage also crop up and often go ignored.
When a wife asks their husband time and again (with lists and notes) to help participate in the household responsibilities, and the husband continues to skirt around said responsibilities, that goes beyond chores. What that is saying is that the wife is unimportant, it is taking for granted that the husband may do what they want and act as they please without repercussion. After all, chores aren't grounds for divorce.
Yet, they are still one of the number one reasons why people get divorced.
Infidelity
Money
Lack of Communication
Imbalance of Household Duties
Weight Gain
Not sharing household duties can take a major toll on couples, especially if any of the other numbers are met as well. Money, arguing and imbalance of shared responsibilities are marriage killers.
So, if you are in a marriage or relationship (and these roles can be reversed btw) look at how much you are contributing vs how much you just expect, because you may be closer to the brink of divorce than you realize!
Let me know what you guys think in the comments!!
-Beth
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Can you buy in bulk? I think I would side slightly with him but he should help you out some. Do you guys have a dishwasher? 1 load of laundry a day is not too bad as long as your washer and dryer works well.
On the other side though I think the man is supposed to please his woman.
Why just some?
I am just curious as to why men think that all responsibilities of home and household are a woman's? Even if she is working full time, and he is not.
Is he completely lazy? A lot of women are better at organizing stuff. He ought to be able to cook and stuff for you once in a while.
I feel like you are giving me a one sided story. It sounds like he should help you out more but do you have a fenced in backyard to throw the kids out the door? ;) lol
For some reason you seem like you would be difficult but you are a woman so that is totally legal and understandable. ;) lol If I was him I would probably try and work more and cut expenses and hire a maid to help you out. :)
You could also get a Dyson vacuum so you have to vacuum less often. lol
And this is why men get served divorce papers, and have "no idea what happened".
LOL If he made more money and hired a maid would that save him? The kids aren't old enough to do all of the housework yet? ;) lol I think children are cheaper then a maid so I think he should bribe them to help out more. :) #problemsolved jk
If men acted like grown-ass men in marriages rather than giant man-babies, I think it would save a lot of relationships. ;)
Yeah I'm totally a grown 18 year old man. :) lol It still would be nice to have cooking help. I REALLY could probably use a personal chef #starvationavoidance although I am pretty awesome at wood fire grilling.
This No 5 got me
Do people actually divorce because of this?
Chores shouldn't be left for just woman. But, as an African I've always known that it's in the woman's place to take care of the house and do all the house chore (it biological) but, that doesn't mean the man can't help out if needs be.
I agree, but only if that's the woman's only job.
Why should women have to bring home the bacon AND do everything around the house/with the kids? It is lopsided and it makes for growing resentment.
In this part of the world when a woman complains; they call her feminist who wants to be on top. Most times they (women) keep mum about it.
In a typical rural African setting chores are not a problem because they are divided. Women cook and take of the home while things like chopping firewood, home repairs are done by men.
Yeah I would be totally good with that! It's when things get terribly unbalanced that things get kind of out of whack!
Number one reason why people get divorced is because most people marry the wrong person....
I have to agree with this 100%. And I feel like it's that way simply because marriage isnt viewed the same way it was in the past. People get married thinking, if it doesn't work out well I can just leave. Whereas in reality if you're able to adopt that mentality due to anything other than infidelity then you really did get married for the wrong reasons and should not have been so quick. That mentality is for dating. Not marriage.
Referring to cleaning a house as chores is...
Well, as I said, it's not just cleaning the house: phone calls, budgets, appointments, mowing, making meals, bathing children, fixing things around the house...
All of those things are responsibilities that can be taken care of by anyone. Being married is a bad situation for men of any age. It's a lose lose proposition. #mgtow for the win.
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Right. So if both people are working, it shouldn't be all on the female to do those things. That's what I was saying.
I think marriage can be lose-lose for anyone if things aren't equal.
Interesting.. as I am heading towards that road I did wonder.. chores? Hmmm. I kind of agree. My husband (huh!) and I have been working on first renovating our last house, selling then renovating this over the past three years. He walked out recently. No infidelity. No money issues (not serious enough to cause concern anyway) definitely a lack of communication - BUT that was in the greater part a direct result of being knackered day and night from working and renovations. No time for each other. Weight gain... I guess if someone was shallow enough to think that was a deal breaker OR the gainers self esteem got busted to zero it could do the trick. I'm with 3 and 4 and am looking for a way back ... that's the hardest part. I think above all else the point about giving the men the attention they crave is quite valid. Even independent, self sufficient men can be attention demanding in one way or another and all too easily we get wrapped up in everything else. Pay attention and you'll talk. Pay attention and they won't look elsewhere. Pay attention and you'll know when things are tipping the balance.... Definitely a key factor. Well written. Thank you.
I'd personally just recommend(take it with a grain of salt) making these types of videos a little less personal. I mean you can talk about common relationship problems, but I wouldn't specify in your vids that you're talking about your real life other half especially considering hes been in vids with you. I mean even with problems I can imagine it making things worse and rightfully so.....
I appreciate your feigned concern, (aka this makes me feel uncomfortable because everyone here only talks about fake bullshit, but never anything real happening in their lives.) But I have built my platform talking about things that are heartfelt and real, and oftentimes uncomfortable. So Imma take that grain of salt and toss it over my left shoulder for good luck.
LOL! SOOOO TRUE! KEEP IT REAL!
Breathtaking video.
I am extra extra happy with my cooking, caring, laundry doing and grocery shopping boyfriend (yes, we're millennials) after your video. Of course we've had some discussions about how to do things but are now on a point where we both know what we expect of one another. Due to my physical problems we do have a housekeeper, he works full-time and does a LOT in the house too, so some cleaning is done by another person. I do the things I can, he does all he can.
I don't really recognize a lot from your video if I look at my circle of friends, but maybe it's a cultural thing, here in The Netherlands (especially in higher educated couples) equality is pretty much the standard, even in the household.
Doesn't mean I don't know women who live with a man who doesn't feel responsible for a lot of things, which is why I've saved this: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic It has helped some and it has angered some other man, only you can decide if this will help him grow a bit of insight, but at least I find it an amazing 'comic'.
Good luck and thanks for sharing vulnerably.