Anger - Your friend or Enemy?

Many of life's Adversities are a product of uncontrolled anger. Domestic Violence, road rage, school shootings, street fights, religious differences and so forth. The list is seemingly endless.

Visit any prison in any country and note the link between anger and its close relative rage, and incarceration. Anger is an emotion that manifests differently in different people for any number of reasons. This Site is not a counseling site, but we're mindful that highlighting some of the seeds of adversity and providing some resources may benefit some of our visitors.

The tone of my blogs is always a little irreverent and wry, with no intent to diminish the nature of the subject, but rather to put a slightly satirical humorous spin to the delivery and perhaps evoke different perspectives.

Is Anger Really a deadly Sin Or Useful Social Strategy?

Parents, Politicians, Clergy, Athletes, and Lovers frequently exhibit that quaintly termed emotion known as the temper tantrum. From an early age our offspring learn that a good 'dummy spit' can elicit a healthy degree of attention from the grown ups. As the child grows up, the temper tantrum becomes less humorous and attracts disapproving whispers, suggesting a flaw in the parenting technique.

As emotions go, anger rates as the most ambiguous. Is it a positive emotion, designed to kick in those adrenal juices that amp up our assertive self preservation hormones? A dose of anger can work wonders in the competitive social and corporate arena to defend one's territory. Bare a few fangs, and growl, that'll often do the trick.

Admittedly as a manipulative tool, anger can be most effective in asserting our position in the power hierarchy. The problem is of course, the annoyance of being at the bottom of the food chain, and in this power game the only way to participate is to go home attack the spouse or kick the cat or dog. A little flippant? Not really. The problem with anger is that it's an easy habit to acquire.

The sensation of elevated blood pressure and ensuing flushed cheeks, the pulse of adrenalin, and muscle tension, can be stimulating. Useful if you're in the Olympic stadium before an audience of millions and about to run the 100 Metres in 9 seconds! Not as a default trigger to some perceived slight or unfair treatment however. Road rage, domestic violence, alcohol fueled grievous bodily harm, and any number of illogical and exaggerated responses to the daily frustrations of unmet expectations bend this emotion into a vice. A nasty one at that.

Here's the question. Is anger working for you? In the complete context of your relationships, is anger an emotion you have chosen that is adding value to your world, or is the ledger in the red?

There are three categories of anger. Impulse anger, useful for self preservation during all those times our survival is threatened! Deliberate Anger, as an assertive response to unfair treatment. And what is cumbersomely labeled Dispositional Anger, a character trait manifested often by the sullen, irritable posture of many a teenager. (Sorry for the generalization, to those teenagers reading this, we've all been there!)

If Anger is infecting the quality of your relationships, then here's a strategy for you. Build a gap. A gap between the stimulus and your response. There is always a gap between stimulus and response, but your response will vary according to how you process the meaning of the stimulus in your head before reacting. Remember anger is primarily a learned response. You cannot become enraged without firstly putting an often warped context to the situation.

Try to eliminate 2 words from your processing vocabulary. Should and Must. Describe a situation that is triggering anger. For example: Someone cut you off in traffic. Listen to your self talk. They Should have indicated, they should not be driving so fast, they should have more respect ad nauseum. It's not easy, But in the words of Desiderata try to appreciate that The world really is unfolding as it should. Use the gap to question whether Anger is worth it, then accept the consequences.