How Living By Example and Practicing What We Preach Can Backfire

Leading or living by example and practicing what we preach are well known sayings. Demonstrating our way of life as an example for others to learn from is not the only way to get a message out, as we can also preach what we practice. This makes what we do more explicit where more people can learn about what we do, rather than only seeing it done.

But for many, being told how someone is living in better ways can backfire on our potential to learn from them and improve our own lives. Many people don't like to recognize their failings or wrong-doings through a comparison they make with the lives of others or when it's explicitly told to them. People will engage in defensive mechanisms to protect their self-image rather than accept how they are wrong or failing. By talking about our own lives, or by just existing, people automatically compare themselves and react defensively just by seeing someone else doing better. Many people can't handle looking at the themselves as possible being or doing something wrong. I've talked about this fear of being wrong and being unable to face the mirror honestly in my posts before.

New research has shown that physicians who talk about their personal lives on their websites or in literature to demonstrate how they are living -- such as their enthusiasm for fitness, exercise or diet -- are discouraging potential patients that are struggling with weight, instead of inspiring them to take action.

In general, people believe doctors are healthier than other professions, and 30% of doctors emphasize fitness online. Overweight of obese individuals that viewed doctor profiles talking about their health perceived them as more critical of health shortcomings and less likely to go to those doctors over doctors who didn't advertise their healthy habits. Non-overweight people didn't respond this way.

When fitness and health is an issue, doctors who talk about their own good fitness or health can appear more critical of patients who don't live or measure up to the same standards. But doctors aren't even devaluing the patients. Patients develop a fear that it might happen because they see a doctor touting their exception health habits, whereas the patient knows they are failing. This is anticipated devaluation, where it's expected that they will be devalued in the future. Feeling devalued a patient will likely seek help elsewhere, delay help, or not get any at all.

The research published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, and one author began looking into this earlier when he wanted to know why people found vegetarians annoying just because they were vegetarians, being hostile and ridiculing vegetarians. Many omnivores perceive vegetarians in the same way that many overweight patients perceive health-advertising doctors.

"When anyone does something that could be construed as better than us, their choices can make us question our own choices... the ethical choices other people make can thus be surprisingly threatening to our sense of being a good person." - Benoit Monin, Research Author and Stanford GSB Professor

Similarly, when someone takes a stand against something wrong, many people think "Who do you think you are?", "Get off your high horse!", etc. I personally find such responses nonsensical, egotistical and illuminating about the persons inability to handle criticism about their behavior or life, as if no one dare call them out on their bullshit.

And this even happens when people are by-standers, because they feel judged for not taking a stand themselves to stop something, choosing to side with someone in the wrong lest they allow themselves to feel guilt or shame for letting something happen or continue in the first place. They could have done something, but didn't, and anyone takes a stand is seen as "self-righteous".

"Other people's exemplary choices point out our shortcomings."

Just by existing and living by example, some people can't stand how they fail to live up to the same standards. This is especially so regarding moral stances.

Leading by example is a valid way to go about our lives, but due to psychological factors, this is not always effective to inspire people to change for the better. Being psychologically self-aware and mature is necessary to be able to recognize how we are not measuring up compared to others. This allows us to see potential better ways we can aspire towards. Otherwise, we can be too defensive about our own failures, incorrectness or wrong actions, and not want to even listen or change ourselves for the better. We judge, offend and insult ourselves all by our own actions for the most part (I have said this phrase many times before).

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Thank you for your time and attention. Peace.

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