My Promo-Mentors Writing Challenge - What doesn't kill you makes you a superwoman
What doesn't kill you makes you superwoman
It was Sunday morning again, the day of the week Josie most dreaded. On Sundays he wasn’t working, and would be spending the day at home with them. She hated her stepfather, but she was also very afraid of him.
While High School is torture for most teenagers, it was an escape for Josie, a refuge she didn’t have on Sundays. She felt trapped in her room and didn’t bring up the courage to go downstairs, let alone go to the bathroom. She really had to go, but she was holding it. Her dog woke her up that morning. He always did on Sundays because he was afraid too, and wanted to be let into her room for protection.
She could already hear him scream at her mother in the kitchen, and Josie was trying to discern what it was about this time. Although, the reason didn’t matter. Even when there was nothing to be angry about, he would find a reason. She hoped the yelling would eventually stop, and not escalate this time….
This is the beginning of a short story I wrote 4 months ago (you can read the full post here), about domestic violence witnessed by a young girl. It’s a topic that is very dear to me, and although I will not go into any details about my own personal experience growing up, I will reveal how it changed me.
More than changing me, it shaped me into the strong woman I am today. As much as my childhood years were hard at times, they toughened me up and prepared me for life in more ways than one could imagine.
I refuse to be a pushover
Growing up seeing things that we are not supposed to witness as children makes us stronger individuals.
I was determined from a very young age, to never let any man (or woman) disrespect me in any way. During my late teenage years and early 20's I had a lot of anger inside of me as a result, which I tried to diffuse through sports (taekwondo at that time, just to have something to kick). I was angry at the world without realizing it, and this translated into a very short temper and aggressive behavior towards anyone whom I perceived as a bully.
In a professional environment, this often lead to inability to deal with authority. I found myself in countless situations in which I was given orders, and I had to swallow my pride. Ultimately, it made me realize that I just needed to find a job that comes without a boss =). Mission accomplished!
As the years passed, I let go of my anger. Today I'm in peace with myself. I’ve learned that my past is my strength, and that I need to use it to my advantage. I’m able to transform any aggressive feelings I have into passion for projects that have a positive impact, such as animal rights and environmental projects.
It equipped me to face life
When you go through any sort of hardship, you view the world through a lens without filters. It’s a reality check.
I’m a better judge of character and I evaluate risky situations quicker than others. It may sound a bit arrogant of me, but sometimes I perceive people who have had perfectly happy childhoods as a little naive and more vulnerable to scams and ill-intentioned individuals. I think that my early exposure to “heavy turbulences” made me harder, and equipped me with the necessary psychological arsenal to deal with any obstacles today.
Another byproduct of my upbringing is the constant need to protect those I consider to be weaker, be it in the form of advice, or just by trying to be a loyal friend. As a result, I became a good listener, and people often come to me with their problems. It's not something I'm actively looking for, but I like the fact that my friends can confide in me .
And last but not least, it has helped me seek out the "good guys" in my romantic life. I can safely say that all the relationships I've had, have been with kind and loving men. I don't necessarily believe that you repeat what you see as a child (at some point kids start to think on their own!), but rather that we learn from our parents' mistakes.
To conclude, I didn't become a total f*** up despite what one would think, quite the opposite. I'm proof that children who were exposed to domestic violence can still grow up having a normal, loving and successful life with healthy relationships.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, even if it takes a few years until you realize it.
Domestic violence is a serious issue for women all around the world, and I would like to draw some attention to it.
According to www.unwomen.org,
It is estimated that 35 % of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner at some point in their lives. However, some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Not enough women talk about it, and that was my reason for writing this post also. Many abused women and children stay silent because they are afraid to suffer repercussions, or because they feel some sort of shame that things didn’t go the way they’re supposed to. Speaking up about this topic helps support women in similar situations, and also educates men and young boys about such behavior.
I consider myself and my family very lucky, because many domestic abuse situations end much worse, even deadly. According to the Violence Policy Center in the US,
… a woman is far more likely to be killed by her spouse, an intimate acquaintance, or a family member than by a stranger. [...] Of victims who knew their offenders, 64 percent (928 out of 1,450) were wives, common-law wives, ex-wives, or girlfriends of the offenders.
Sources:
http://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures
http://www.vpc.org/studies/wmmw2017.pdf
I find that certain abuse is such commonplace that women don’t speak up about it. When we discuss these things openly, women can start to recognize what is and isn’t abuse. I was abused in a more subtle way, and I blamed myself, i thought because I did one thing or another, that I brought it upon myself. It wasn’t until a friend was telling me a similar story about what happened to her, that I heard my story in her story, did I realize that it was wrong... I am a hairstylist and we have classes that we can take to recognize abuse. Since we are someone a lot of women trust with their secrets, we aren’t biased and we are separate from their normal life they have a sense of trust. I hear all kinds of stories and see things that can indicate abuse. I hope that I can help if I see any indication of abuse someday
ah I've heard about that training for hair stylists! It's a great idea! I'm glad that you are helping women now ! Thanks for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing this, its crazy how many of us have been through similar experiences. I like you had a lot of anger and hated my boss at work for the same reasons. Still the cycle of abuse seems to follow me around even tho i've come to terms with my past and now manage to take it from authority without feeling a personal attack. People talk about laws of attraction but i dont think im looking for abuse, i think that so many ppl have been a product of it that many ppl display these forms of behavior. Our society is sick because of the way social structures are set up. I dont think its healthy to be in one relationship and live in one house together, I mean i love terrance mckenna talks, he says that our ancestors would have been living in community based tribes, taking micro doses of magic mushrooms and sharing partners and therefore the responsibility of our children, there were no ppl possession, my family, my wife, my child, you do not own them u do not abuse them. Its these closed doors and windows that modern society makes us live in that allow ppl to get away with this behavior. when u are part of a tribe the whole community deals with it together, nipping things in the bud. I don think police, social services etc do the best job, they only do a systematic way of dealing with such situation that are quite invasive and traumatic. U are just a number being processed, you feel even more isolated and alone, even more of a victim and even more likely to end up in the hands of an abuser again.
oh yeah so many more women go through it than we think. It's funny how people around me are really surprise when I talk about it...it's a men's world, still but hopefully speaking up will make a small change
Beautiful piece.
No one, let allow woman, should get used to being abused. We must build support systems that can prevent and readily come to the aid of women going through such excruciating experiences.
This came right on time. Happy International Women's Day
ah thank you @idowu-kunlere! =) It is good timing indeed ahaha. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing this eve! I feel I know you a little bit better now. People who have perfect life have a high chance to fail in life in my opinion. We need hardships to get wiser.
Thanks FT =) I completely agree with you!
Oh wow Eve I would have never imagined because the way that I see you is a strong, fearless woman who can kick my ass and take me down BJJ and I would be tapping out quick haha.
I've counseled some of the women in my office especially when it is reported they are missing out work because of spousal abuse. Man it leaves me weak and wrecked after talking to them.
My country is patriarchal and being mostly Catholic divorces are unheard of. a woman is expected to fix relationships even if the husband cheats, beats them or forces themselves on their wives. Sometimes I feel the need to knock on their door and want to smash the guy's face in.
anyway going back to you I'm glad that you were able to transfer that experience into strength and just look at how an awesome person you are Eve Bro! haha
ahahahah no worries @maverickinvictus, I can definitely kick your butt although now I know you're a boxer I'm a bit scared LOL
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad to hear that you can counsel abused women at work! Maybe you should go smash some faces in hahaha, I'll go with you =)
I am against domestic violence. I haven't had any bad experiences myself but I know people that have had and I am really wondering why they are not dealing with the problem they have. How I function is : "If you respect me, I will respect you too" It's simple and all I got to do is follow the rule. Whoever is experiencing domestic violence should definitely report that to the authorities responsible for handling cases like that and the best option is to remember to learn to not do what the rest are doing to you.Patience is the key. Learn from their mistakes and become a successful person.Whenever people that experience domestic violence have the possibility to go and live on their own should definitely take the opportunity and save themselves as soon as possible = )
Thank you for contributing to the Steemit Community.Keep up the great work and I'm looking forward to your next posts.
Hey @castbound, thanks for your comment! Unfortunately it's not always so easy, and you can't simple "deal with the problem". Many women are scared to leave their husbands or partners, and don't have anywhere else to go. When children are involved it's even more complicated. The authorities are also not helpful (I speak from experience). That's why it's such an issue...
That is indeed true.Whenever there is an opportunity for the woman to leave ( enough money gathered for a new life in another place with the kids together ) that should be taken but if the children are really young then its really hard and tricky :/
Domestic violence has been in existence since ages, what is the solution to this global menace, people are just transferring generational aggression, if you see a person with a bad temper check their background you will surely detect some fault, it difficult to see a smoke without fire, some children never saw their parent show the act of love toward themselves, how do you expect such children to be lovely adults, you cannot give what you don't have, let speak against domestic violence, it is a problem created by the old parents let the new ones work against it and open up a new chapter to life, let preach love, if we love ourselves we won't hurt ourselves anymore.
mmhh I don't agree necessarily. If that were true, I would have to beat my husband since that's what I've seen as a child. I believe kids learn from different sources, not just their parents. I saw parents that treated each-other with respect at my friend's homes, and always wished a life like that. Hence, I didn't repeat my father''s behavior, and neither did my brother ;).
On the other hand, my father did not witness any domestic violence in his home, but he was abusivet to my mother. Therefore, this argument is not 100% valid in my opinion.
Touching story and very well-written @evecab
thanks @mckeever! =)
You got a 2.39% upvote from @buildawhale courtesy of @evecab!
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