This too shall pass. A teenager's diary

It was Sunday morning again, the day of the week Josie most dreaded. On Sundays HE wasn’t working, and would be spending the day at home with them. She hated her stepfather, but she was also very afraid of him.

While High School is torture for most teenagers, it was an escape for Josie, a refuge she didn’t have on Sundays. She’d put up with any school bully before dealing with HIM. She felt trapped in her room, and didn’t bring up the courage to go downstairs, let alone go to the bathroom to pee. She really had to go, but she was holding it. Her dog woke her up that morning. He always did on Sundays because he was afraid too, and wanted to be let into her room.

She could already hear HIM screaming at her mother in the kitchen, and Josie was trying to discern what it was about this time. Although, the reason didn’t matter. Even when there was nothing to be angry about, HE would find a reason. She hoped the yelling would eventually stop, and not escalate this time. As long as he was yelling, things were OK, but what she was more afraid to hear were her mother’s cries of fear and pain. HE was a black belt in Judo, and knew exactly how to hurt her without leaving any marks.

Josie and her mom had called the police several times, but they wouldn't help. They said, as long as there aren’t any apparent injuries and witnesses (children don’t count as witnesses), their hands were tied. You see, HE was a doctor, and was respected in the community. It was hard to believe that such an educated man could be an abusive husband. There was no hope for Josie, and one day HE would go too far.

HE was mad at Josie too. HE’d never hit her like her mother, but he had threatened her several times. Once, he had grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against the wall. He didn’t squeeze, but held her there for what seemed like eternity, and told her in words how he would break her. She had refused to say good morning to HIM on several occasions, and HE had tried to discipline her for it. HE demanded respect without giving it, and Josie, albeit her fear, wouldn’t cave in. She thought that if she did what HE demanded, HE would stay in their house forever, and she had to make him divorce her mom and leave before it was too late. But when intimidating Josie didn’t work, HE took it out on her mother instead.

She was only fifteen, but Josie wasn’t an ordinary teen. How could she be? She had to worry about her mother and her little brother’s safety, all whilst juggling school and trying to look normal on the outside. Josie became an expert in deception. Nobody would ever have guessed what went on in that house, and Josie wanted to keep it that way. All her friends came from happy or at least ordinary, violence-free families, with parents who were nice to each other and to their children. Oh, the envy she felt when she visited them, and how ashamed she was of her own life.

She felt lonely, bearing this heavy burden, and she just wanted it all to end. Suicide was never an option, but she sure thought of murdering her stepfather on many occasions. She fantasized about how she'd go about it. Rat poison? Stabbing him with a kitchen knife? Running him over with the car? Pushing him down the stairs?

She also thought of running away with her brother, but she could never leave her mother behind. Partly, she blamed her for marrying HIM and for letting him behave this way, but she knew it was unfair. It wasn’t her fault. It was just bad luck, and after all, HE was really nice in the beginning. Josie had never really warmed up to HIM, but Josie never told her mom about her gut feeling. She just wanted her to be happy, and if it meant being with HIM, so be it.

Never ignore your instincts she thought to herself, and she would never make that mistake again.

Just a few more hours, Josie, and maybe you will hear him slam the front door and leave. Then you can come out. Just be patient...