As my user-name is @posivesteem , I must grab the opportunity to participate in the positivity project.

Image Source
As the saying goes “Every cloud has a sliver lining” but I did not always have such a positive outlook towards life.

Having an autistic son has impacted me greatly and totally changed my attitude and outlook towards life. When my eldest son Jonathan was born in 1990, he was a normal and healthy baby. In the first 5 years, he met all the developmental milestones. In fact he was a bright and intelligent child and was bilingual and he could speak both Mandarin and English.

Late On Set Of Autism

Both my wife Roselind and I are not sure what happened and what triggered but Jonathan started regressing in 1995 and by the end of the year, he had lost his speech and was chanting. In desperation, Roselind and I went around seeking whatever medical advice and help we could. We bought Jonathan for a hearing test in Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of Malaysia. We are based in Kuching, where medical facilities are very much lacking compared to Kuala Lumpur. While in Kuala Lumpur, Jonathan was referred to Dr Rose Peng, a child psychologist who diagnosed Jonathan as having late on set of autism.

Our lives were shattered. We felt that we had lost our son who had been developing normally for the first 5 years of his life. Late on set of autism is not common compared to autism which can be detected in babies. Most of the parents that we talked to, realized that something was wrong with their child even at a very early stage, most even as early as baby. The questions that screamed in my head were “Why me?”, “What had I done to deserve this?” “Jonathan has been developing normally for the first 5 years, why God, he had to be autistic this late?, “Why is life so unfair?”

Image Source

The Turning Point

At this point in time, there was a lot of negativity, resentment, frustration and unhappiness in my life. I just felt helpless, hopeless and overwhelmed by the whole situation. “What I can do for Jonathan, How I can help Jonathan”,I often wondered. I was in despair and full of self pity for sometime until I witnessed this incident at the nursery. Since both Roselind and I were both working, we had to send Jonathan to the nursery. I had arrived earlier at nursery and what I saw broke my heart. There was Jonathan lying on the floor, and two or three kids were pulling his legs and hands dragging him up and down the floor. What shocked me the most was that Jonathan was just lying there, allowing the kids to drag him up and down the floor. “Why wasn’t he resisting or putting up a struggle so that the kids would stop disturbing him?”, I asked myself.

It later dawned on me that I was just like Jonathan. By feeling so helpless and hopeless, I too am being dragged up and down by the circumstances of my life. And like Jonathan, I just let the circumstances of my life drag me to whatever direction. I started to find out more about autism and treatment options from the Internet. The more that I read, the more that I found out that there was so much that I can do for Jonathan. We also got in touch with 4 other parents (both husbands and wives) of autistic kids who were also from Kuching. Later we set up the Sarawak Autistic Association with my wife Roselind as the founding president and me as the founding vice president and the remaining four as founding secretary and assistant secretary, and treasurer and assistant treasurer respectively. Even as the Association was being registered, the six of us used our own money to hire a teacher Mina (who was previously Jonathan’s kindergarten teacher) whom we sent for training in Kuala Lumpur and to teach our kids. Mina became the first teacher of the Sarawak Autistic Association Resource and Educational Center. Today, the Association which was later re-named Kuching Autistic Association has its own buildings and more than 50 children are benefiting from various therapies provided by the Center. My son Jonathan is still going to the Center where he is learning vocational and self help skills.

A drawing by Jonathan

Yes, life is sometimes unfair but I can’t just put the blame on my circumstances and then do nothing about it. The most important lesson that I learned is that I can’t control what life throws at me but I can choose to respond in a manner that empowers me. The total extend of how this experience impacted me is partially captured by this poem that I have written.

I Have Learned From You My Autistic Son

I have learned from you my autistic son
That you need not communicate in words
To convey your deepest thoughts and feelings
That you need love, patience, acceptance and understanding
More than any material things that money can buy

I have learned from you my autistic son
That the simple things in life
Are indeed my most precious
That the smallest help that I give
Can make a world of difference to someone

I have learned from you my autistic son
That all lives are precious
Everyone has a right to pursue his hopes and dreams
And society has a place for all those
Who try to live their lives to the fullest

I have learned from you my autistic son
That although I may fail many times
You are the reason I must try again
That in learning and growing everyday
I have built my strength and character

I have learned from you my autistic son
To look at the bright side of life
Although I have no control
Over the events that happen my life
I can empower myself in choosing how I should respond

I have learned from you my autistic son
What it is like to be being human
Instead of merely existing as a human being
And that at the end of the day
I just have to put my trust in the Almighty

Image Source

Please read my other poems which were published previously.
The Gifts Of Caring, Acceptance, Appreciation and Love
My Name Is Hope
Follow Your Dreams
Positively Yours
Charles

---

If you like what you read, please up vote, comment, resteem and follow me