I Hate Your Poem (Spoken Poem)
I hate your poem -
that spittle you call verse
The pustular oozing of emotional soothing
broken, gnarled and terse
I hate your poem -
and it's childish rhyme scheme
Your dutiful pattern so beaten and battered
Like an unspeakable crime scene
I hate your poem -
in all its shallow banality
Faceless and bland, like laughter canned
Lacking sweat, grit, veracity
I hate your poem -
I can't find you within
In all the words told, there's no intimate soul
Empty and hollow, a mannequin
I hate your poem -
that you even think it artistic
Your half-thought rhymes thrown into lines
Like trying to feel a statistic
I hate your poem,
but don't you dare cease
Your simple attempts, adolescent and dented
Are the only path to masterpiece
Notes: Shout out to @annie.oakley for giving me the idea and encouragement to do a vlog. This was my first experiment, and I definitely had fun recording it. This is only my second video uploaded to Youtube, so I don't quite have the skills yet for advanced editing. I hope everyone appreciates the visual violence of the lava and my oratory loathing of their art. If you ever need backhanded encouragement, feel free to give it a listen.
Who knows, if I have enough fun doing this, I'll move to an open mic or poetry slam. Berkeley and the East Bay have to be swarming with them.
What do you guys think?
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Yay! Now I want to write one, lol.
I downloaded TinyTake which allowed me to do a screen capture and then speak over it. My microphone isn't the best, but it worked well enough.
Overall, it was fun acting out the hate.
I got a bellyRub and this post has received a 34.88 % upvote from @bellyrub thanks to: @somethingsubtle.
Snapping my fingers for that one! Great job
That should be the next video. Just a sound clip of fingers snapping in a room. lol
Waaahhhhhh awesome! Now you have encouraged me to push my comfort zone a bit too. Talk is cheap though. I will try to follow through. I may need to clean up some of the more expletive vocabulary in some of my pieces before I share any of them publicly lol :)
Keep up the good work!
Oh, no need to clean things up. The cuss words are some of the most fun ones to say!
Thanks for the idea.
I love your poem...haha...
Thanks! You can take the next round then.
@somethingsubtle got you a $3.34 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
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Nice, I do not hate this poem. :)
The particular poem wasn't meant to be deep or touching, it was an opinion. Most of my other poems are a lot deeper, most relating to real life and what has happened.
Your poem was good but in the end this hate poem of yours is only an opinion and life everything else in this world it is mostly over looked ;)
Thank you for checking out my work and expressing your feelings on it I enjoy the criticism but even so I won't change the way I write :)
P.S. Not everyone on this platform is English making simplistic writing overrule more complicated pieces.
Of course, its only an opinion. Thank you for sharing yours.
No need to change. You've found an audience.
Thanks for your time and attention!