Autumn Vertigo (Poetry)
Autumn Vertigo
With my eyes shut,
I sway to the motions of a gentle breeze,
scattering crisp leaves around my roots.
My ears alert:
a fallen branch snaps in two.
Eyes wide open, dilated in panic,
trespassers rustling leaves nearby;
I inhale a stretched breath.
Anxious,
my body is sticky with sweaty sap:
I only know how to play dead.
Eyes closed once more,
praying that I will be unharmed,
but this time, I am wrong.
Fate has come to collect its dues,
the birds cry -
I was their nest.
Sharp stabs right in my gut,
consciousness is fading.
Another jab,
this time, they hit below the belt.
My head spinning,
body losing balance.
This must be vertigo.
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one quick note:
I was wondering how you were going to work the title into this; certainly wasn't disappointed.
I liked reading this as the end of a fairytale, like you've established this magical tree who has achieved some sense of sentience unlike other trees and this is the perspective of the personified entity shedding light on a human practice and its cruelty.
It wasn't so much the story of the tree that caught me the most, though you told it well and did a good job with the last stanza of connecting the feeling to the reader, it was the story of the birds.
Some might think it haphazardly there in context of the larger story of the tree, but that is what tree ecosystems are!! Their displacement is the destruction of their home and the time and effort that went into it.
It felt like a mini-tragedy within a tragedy, and it's those layers that add depth.
All to say, enjoyed the read, my friend, and the creative approach to this one.
Thank you for the detailed comment - I was like, oh no what I do with that line wrong. Then, a compliment. Repeat.
I'm not sure where the 's' in crisps came from. It doesn't make sense in any context - but fixed.
I agree - I was unsure of adding the birds, it felt out of place. Yet, without it, it's an expression of pain - whereas the birds make it so much more a tragedy and reality. It also connects to the fact that forests are not simply 'oxygen machines', but they ar home to millions of species.
Thank you once again - this is a great comment to wake up to :D
I really like this piece. Speaking from the perspective of the tree is fun, despite the sad nature of the story.
Personifying and living as other things or beings is an interesting experience. I do hope that it does leave a lasting impression on some. The sadness is based on reality, so hopefully we are able to correlate the events.
Good to see you again. I remember we started Qurator on the same day.
Yes I feel a lot like your poetry today..."this must be vertigo". I like it.
Yes! It's nice to see you again :D Thank you - I do hope you haven't been chopped down
I have two young daughters; I always feel chopped down:)
Ahahaha! I do hope it's worth it :)
Oh it is, every moment of it. I won't have it in any other way! :)
@poetrybyjeremy,
Probably Crusaders!They have big axes ... don't they?
I liked the personification. I missed it until half way through so I had to re-read it. Vertigo ... clever idea. Nice sidebar about being the birds' nest ... it created third-party commentators.
Jeremy, you're not as bad a poet as I originally thought! :-)
I do have my moments! Making myself write a poem a day does make me miss the mark sometimes, especially on days where I'm more tired. Thank you :)
@poetrybyjeremy,
Then stop writing a poem a day ... and let the rest of us have some of that Poetry Contest money!
The more I write, the more I grow creatively. The more mistakes I do, the more mistakes to learn from ;)
Love this piece! Not much of a poem guy but this poem kept me wanting to continue reading. :)
That's great! I do appreciate that comment - as good as it can get from a non-poem person :P
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Awwwwwww..... It's about a tree ain't it?
Yep, it's about the tree (and humans cruelty of ruining everything that is beautiful).
Loved this one... I thought that the personification of the tree was very believable, and the pain of feeling what was happening to the birds, magnifying the pain of the tree's own experience, rang very true for me.
I have a strong connection with trees... https://steemit.com/jerrybanfield/@bennettitalia/supernatural-writing-contest-dragonflies-and-other-magical-creatures-by-bennettitalia
Thank you :) I think we all (should) have a connection with trees and nature ;) I'll take a look later