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RE: Autumn Vertigo (Poetry)

in #poetry6 years ago

one quick note:

scattering crisps leaves around my roots.

I was wondering how you were going to work the title into this; certainly wasn't disappointed.

I liked reading this as the end of a fairytale, like you've established this magical tree who has achieved some sense of sentience unlike other trees and this is the perspective of the personified entity shedding light on a human practice and its cruelty.

It wasn't so much the story of the tree that caught me the most, though you told it well and did a good job with the last stanza of connecting the feeling to the reader, it was the story of the birds.

Some might think it haphazardly there in context of the larger story of the tree, but that is what tree ecosystems are!! Their displacement is the destruction of their home and the time and effort that went into it.

It felt like a mini-tragedy within a tragedy, and it's those layers that add depth.

All to say, enjoyed the read, my friend, and the creative approach to this one.

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Thank you for the detailed comment - I was like, oh no what I do with that line wrong. Then, a compliment. Repeat.

I'm not sure where the 's' in crisps came from. It doesn't make sense in any context - but fixed.

I agree - I was unsure of adding the birds, it felt out of place. Yet, without it, it's an expression of pain - whereas the birds make it so much more a tragedy and reality. It also connects to the fact that forests are not simply 'oxygen machines', but they ar home to millions of species.

Thank you once again - this is a great comment to wake up to :D

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