HOW OFTEN DO WE REALLY NEED TO ADVISE OR PUNISH PEOPLE FOR NOT HAVING THE CONSIDERATION WE WANT THEM TO HAVE?
A guy just parked his car in a restaurant parking lot, taking up two parking spaces. When asked if he would mind re-parking, he responded, "There are plenty of free spots." In fact, there were some free spots. However, it was almost lunch hour and in a few minutes the lot would be more crowded.
What would you do?
(A) Tell him what you are worried about, that the lot will fill up soon and how his parking takes up an extra spot that will soon be vital.
(B) Wait for him to walk away and then leave a note on his windshield, slash his tires, or enact some other form of "punishment".
(C) Yeah, it sucks that the guy wasn't thinking about his actions' impact on others as much as you would. In that situation might have a brief internal struggle between temptation to influence him and preference for allowing natural consequences to handle the matter.
Natural consequences?
First, we don't necessarily know if the guy plans on leaving before busy time. What if he is just running in to do something that takes 5 minutes? Also, the consequences would be more natural - and potentially more effective - if he takes an hour, the lot gets full, and someone [else] puts a note on his vehicle or worse. THEN the consequences will be tied closer to his actions (parking like that).
In other words, if you CREATE the consequence when there are still other empty spots, it makes it easier for him to blame you instead of seeing the responsibility for those consequences is HIS. Plus, which path leads to more ease, safety, and harmony for you?
Finally, this doesn't have to be just about this exact kind of situation. It can be about learning to LET GO of the idea that
"Some people need to be protected, fixed, taught, punished, or rewarded and I need to do the influencing."
Similar articles:
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/how-often-do-children-really-need-to-be-told-what-to-do
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/tantrums-aren-t-what-you-think-they-are
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/punished-by-rewards
https://steemit.com/emotionalintelligence/@scottermonkey/is-your-positivity-causing-harm
Also, I've created a site full of resources on topics like empathy, nonviolent communication (NVC), mediation, relationships, peaceful parenting, unschooling, and voluntaryism: https://ClearSay.net
I generally followed action C in that type of scenario and reproach myself on being a pansy, wishing I would actually respond as in A. I thought this post was leading toward that conclusion and was pleasantly surprised. Now shall I confidently shout "I am not a wuss! Natural consequinces bitch!" And run away. Fantasies aside and back to the post, Natural Consequinces wasnt something I consistantly considered as a learning tool until I had a kid, and as a toddler, natural consequences are what soundly drive home information while they explore their environment and personal limits. IE: I know kid is about to have a fall doing that, but that is a little fall, and with great effort holding back my helicopter mom tendancies, let that fall happen. I have spent half my life working to understand people, and most of it very confused. I love articles with input like this because they connect the dots so I relate to ppl whos actions and responces are 180 of mine, like instead of an automatic reaction to rule breaking. Said inconsoderate person Might learn, or doesnt need to (situational), or is an asshole. I dont want to prevent learning, waste both of our time, or argue with an asshole (unless that asshole is my friend). Concluding thoughts: Laws are rules, rules are guidelines, parking spaces are made with guidelines and Adults are over grown toddlers.
Well not only that, but if he is the guy in the photo he is also taking up at least one handicap accessible spot. I'd shrug, say "Have it your way" and go take a photo from the other side complete with license plate. Then I'd wait. I mean if he ends up indeed not impacting anyone then I don't really care. If he does end up impacting someone then I'd believe something should be done. If he harms no one then reporting it before there is a victim is jumping the gun as far as I am concerned. I am a firm believer in "No victim, no crime".
Yeah I was wondering if there are any sites out there where you can add license plates of people who do stuff like that.
(d) I'd give him a friendly warning: "I've already parked so I don't care but you need to watch out for the guy who can't park and blames you".
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Interesting :)
I would probably just walk away, shaking my head. People make their own karma.
My younger son, on the other hand, would provoke the guy, begin lambasting him for being an idiot and a self-centered asshole in hopes that the guy would take a swing at him so he could make him bleed a little (or a lot). I'm not saying my son is right, but more often than not being verbally confronted by someone big and tough in this land of pushy milquetoasts puts enough of a scare into them to make them reconsider their selfishness. Of course, you have to be the sort of person able to physically back himself up. If the person confronted simply walks away, that ends it. No slashing the tires, no keying the paint job. A verbal lambasting is usually as far as it ever goes.
With a woman it's a bit different. No physical confrontation offered or even implied. But a few choice derogatory, non-politically correct words about her actions or her person (ever notice how pushy women are usually obese and have yappy little dogs in the car?) will give her a nice adrenaline shot and some food for further rumination.
And if you're the woman doing the lambasting to a man, you can pretty much say whatever you want and the man won't physically attack. If he does, he goes to jail and he knows it. A woman cussing out another woman might end in a cat fight. I'm no judge of that sort of situation so you have to use your own judgement.