A grave encounter, or maybe not so grave??
For the past five years, I struggled with death and the loss of loved ones. I think this is why, I partially have an interest in the paranormal, as a means to find the answers to life after death. I have lost so many people in my life at almost half my lifetime already that I have lost count. I could not move on in the UK, the prospect of losing people was too much, and living amongst the constant reminders cut too deep into my psyche.

How I cope with death, compared to how I coped with death.
Last year I had lost a dear friend to cancer. It was sudden, I had spoken to her in February and had been trying for weeks to get in touch with her, but I had no success. She knew I was moving, so she knew it was important I kept contact with her. I thought it was strange, that she was not returning my calls, my emails and facebook messages and I knew something was wrong. I managed to get in touch with her sister ,who broke the news that she was diagnosed with lung cancer and a brain tumour.
Two weeks later she had crossed over and even though I was upset, I found that I was able to deal with the grief so much better here. I was able to detach myself and remember truly the great times that we had together. I was so torn about going to the UK, to pay my respects that I decided not to. Instead on the day of the funeral, I drove up to the mountains and found a spot with a breath taking view. I just sat and listened to the silence and took it all in, I did not feel upset about it, I felt more at peace. My beliefs have changed an awful lot since I have grown older, I would like to say wiser too and I feel that my belief system helps me to put things like this into perspective.

My belief system has changed a lot.

Now this is my belief, it might not be yours but I want to share with you what I believe in; to see if you can understand how this helps me cope with death. For one thing I believe that the word death is actually disrespectful. Something that dies, ceases to exist because that then becomes nothing it is not there any more. I don’t believe this is the case, all those memories the feelings you have felt the moments you have lived just gone. Genetic make up our DNA just vanishes? That cannot be right, there has to be a reason for existence. Did you ever stop to think about our anatomy and how biologically perfect we are. Nearly every part of our human design is perfect, its function and where everything fits there is a reason for its existence to help us live. I mean such a perfect design has to have a blue print like if you were making a car, but where is it kept? It is my belief that whilst we are here in a physical form, we are in fact extensions of non physical form, so in other words our physical form has a life span, but our non physical comes from a larger source that is infinite and sublime. There is so much I could write on the subject and I may do one day, but today is not that day I just wanted to make you aware of where I stand on the subject.
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Today I saw my first dead corpse.

When I wrote that heading I felt so disrespectful, but I am asking myself why? Many cultures and religions hold great honour to the dead, as a mark of respect. But why the body I wonder? What significance does the body hold other than to contain the person, that was inside of it. Why are we so adamant on the things we see and touch and not the things that we feel? Why do animals deal with the loss of their fellow primates differently than we do as humans. People might answer that because we are top of the food chain, it has to be more than that, could it be infinite intelligence and if so does that not confirm my beliefs more about a source of consciousness collectively?
In all of the funerals I have been to, I have never seen the body, I have never been asked ,but I have never wondered or questioned about it.
A few days ago our neighbour explained that the tradesman a few houses from us, his father had passed the night before. I knew here in Bulgaria, funerals were operated differently to that of the uk. For example its a very personal thing, the women will wash and dress the body, they will prepare food and flowers for the relative which will go to the cemetery with them. The men will make the coffin and prepare the ground for the coffin, to be laid into at the cemetery.
We had been to town this morning, to get some things we needed before more snow was set to fall. When we got back, we noticed a line of cars and people waiting in the lane. We knew that this was in relation to the funeral that was going to be happening, as we had seen the grave being dug on the way to town. A little while later we heard the cars start and knew that they were all heading off, so we stood by the window to silence the dogs, when I looked out I saw a truck carrying the coffin and it was an open casket.

I took a long look at the body while it passed, I did not feel shocked at all or horrified, but I was equally not surprised when people told me that when you look at a body that had passed on it was a shell. Now I understand why they say that. I remember the man briefly walking past and waving on a couple of occasions and this did not look like him. It made me wonder also, does the soul give us the features we have and the way we look, our expressions and personality. These features appeared to be missing, kind of like a mannequin, lifeless but never looking like it was alive in the first place. This makes me wonder why then do we hold on to the physical so much, when really what we see and hear does not come from the physical, it does not touch us on an emotional level. It is the feelings we endure from the person ,on an emotional level not on a physical level. Even making love is a pleasurable thing but we get the pleasure from the feeling of the touch everything is centered around how we fee but do we mistake that to the physicality of it? We can just be assured that it is coming from them by relying on our physical senses.
It is my understanding, that now the funeral has happened the wake will not be for 40 days. Because Bulgarians believe, that this is the time for the soul to be prayed for the forgiveness of sins and to help them with their ascension into heaven. Family members may set a place at the table for them, even though they are not there any longer in physical form. They may also talk to them, so not to make them annoyed about feeling left out. Once the 40 days has passed a huge celebration will be had, celebrating their life and they joy they brought to family and friends.
I thought it was a beautiful gesture and when I look at how they handle death, they deal with it remarkably well. Deep down I think they share a similar belief, that they already recognise themselves as higher beings. It gives me a feeling of peace and acceptance about the prospect of death, that there does not need to be so much morbidness around the subject. Because we are returning, to what we already are. We are simply moving on, we are and were here for a purpose, to bring joy to the wonderful people we meet, to learn all there is we can learn, and then to add it to the collective conscious because life and everything about life is forever evolving there is no end to it.

Whilst I feel this post has been and extremely deep post for me to write, at the same time it really helped me to put some perspective on the subject for me. If I die an old man and no one knew me it does not matter, what is important is the peoples lives I have touched and it is those who will remember me, that is where I created the difference and that makes me feel good.
Thank you for reading
xoxo
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I love your ideas about... mortality, and sorry for all your losses. When my father died five years ago, I was given the opportunity to see him after he had passed, but I decided against it, as I wanted to remember him alive. I didn't want to view his remains without him in occupancy, so to speak!
I was also given the opportunity to go and see the corpse of a good friend after she died, 10 years ago. I refused, but another friend took up the offer. She said "I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but she looked great. She was a bloody good corpse!"
After my father's death, I attended a "Death Café". This is an event where people meet in a café to talk about death – because it is one of life's taboos, at least in the "developed" world. I found it really uplifting, because when my dad died, and also when my friend died, people just didn't want to talk about it – and I felt I wanted to talk about their lives and why I loved them. People would give me brief and heartfelt condolences, but then hastily change the subject. The Death Café gave me and others the opportunity to talk and laugh about – death.
Sadly, another good friend died recently, and I was at her funeral yesterday. There were so many friends there that it was lovely having the opportunity to talk about her. But it was very sad too.
I love this quote from Epicurus. I've used it on Steemit before, and I no doubt will use it again:
“Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?"
Interesting how the Bulgarians and the Chinese funeral culture is similar, except the casket is opened during the wake, and it is sealed before it heads on the path to the grave.
I used to be unable to let go of the people I once loved too, but ever since my walk in my new faith I understand certain things that you pointed out, which is very correct
Life itself brings a different feature to the human / animals, the very breath of it brings the energy that moves the shell where the soul resides.
And when that life no longer exist, so is the entire setting, the soul, the spirit, they cannot stay in the shell when life is not there anymore.
Hence the transition of death occurs.
It is indeed a transition, I too strongly believe ever more, for what we have, what we can feel, they are all temporary, for all these things rot and decay; but what inside of us is eternal, where moth and rust and rot cannot destroy.
And where that goes, only those who has been there and returned with a message can truly tell us how it is.
(I happened to know someone who was dead for approximately 2 hours - uncertain - and is alive today to tell the story)
Glad you find a way to deal with death and departure. For the Chinese culture, they have a 49 days (7 weeks) culture where the family prays for the dead for the deceased sins, just like the Bulgarians.
I personally feel it is more for the ones who were left behind to coup with the lost of their love one; and that is a very important phase of life.
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Very good explanation and very interesting also about the 49 days.... what religion is most practiced in china??
If you embraced communism mindset, you have no religion.
But the 49 days is more of a cultural practice what Taoism is its main source of guidance .
(And the mourners also get ripped off at the same time for such services)
So then what do chinese people believe in after death....do they believe in heaven or an afterlife or maybe reincarnation??
Buddhism and Taoism promotes reincarnation; and they believe in hell and nirvana.
Communism does not believe in that. As far as I noticed.
How do you feel about that would you agree with the latter??
I believe neither Buddhism , Taoism nor Communism. haha.
I have never thought about the word "death" being disrespectful but I can definitely see your point. People don't just stop existing because they pass on. Their memories and legacies are left behind. Preparing a body for a funeral is much different here in the USA. It's taken to the morgue and the funeral directors work to make the person look as close to they did when they were alive. It seems that they never look truly correct, though...And most of the funerals here are open casket unless the body was severely damaged in an accident or something.
Very different again, would you prefer the service in the US or do you think that the bulgarian service is more appealing?
Death is reality acceptance is the a way to cope of losing our loved ones
Pretty deep man.
Very deep it was that sort of day :D
In India we have many different rituals as per the religion. Mostly hindu burns the body.
i belive it is the soul that remain in our mind than the body. Which keep sthe good - bad memory of the dead body.
That would make sense, I know parts of Asia for instance Thailand see the head as the most important part of the body and the feet the least part. So when greeted in Thailand and they bow the higher the wai the more respect they have for you.
It is interesting how you approach the subject. It is something that concerns us all and of which we have many questions. regards @crazybgadventure
Thank you it was on my mind most of the day and I felt the need to write a post bout it, you are right it is something that concerns us and the main point I wanted to get out of that is why we hold on to the physical so much.
Nice piece, In Ireland we use the term passed on. We used to have wakes here for 2 days and typically they would be an open coffin affair. In Ireland it is a very quick process, too quick I think, typically 2 - 3 days from dying to burial. I know this is longer in the UK but again I think that a lot of people don't have the time to process what is happening.
I am not a religious person at all, I would go so far to say that so many religions are simply a control mechanism. There was a time in Ireland where we worshipped mother earth, we did everything to protect her and now we worship something that is intangible and has no real relevance to our lives. We do this in the promise of a better place.
That being said, I do believe that there is more than what we can touch and see, I just think that this has been twisted to suit a select few.
Keep up the great work man, and I am sorry to hear about your firend.
Quite a deep and profound piece, as someone who has had many deaths to deal with recently, and at my age it is going to continue - this is a subject close to me. I think we all deal with the passing of friends and family differently, personally they are gone but not forgotten and will always hold a cherished place in my heart. Does the spirit live on after the living vessel expires, that is a matter of greater debate - I would like to think so, and that maybe I will meet again those that I have lost.
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@c0ff33a as always thank you for commenting and your support.
Yes you are right it is a matter of great debate, I don't know if science could ever tell us the answers, but I do like the mystery that goes along side of it too.
I was raised Catholic, but had the opportunity to study many religions in a course I took in Catholic high school. I think I probably align most with Buddhism, but not completely.
I am a spiritual being experiencing the physical universe by using a physical body. It allows me to enjoy both sex and chocolate.
I believe my mission this lifetime is to learn to deal with loss and give up the separateness of our physicality. Like John sang, "I am you and you are me and we are all together."
It is the feeling of separateness that causes the pain of loss. It is a great subject to discuss. I have lost Grandparents, Dad then Mom, baby brother as a baby, first husband and more.
But they are part of the same whole that I am part of. When they first died that was not a comfort. But my philosophy was not yet fully realized. By the time my mother died a couple of years ago my philosophy was much more solid and I fared much better.
My philosophy is constantly growing and adapting. You sound like yours is, too. That's a good thing.
You are right it is a good thing in a year I feel so much stronger than I was but I had to completely detach myself to get there. And yes sex and chocolate win every time in my book.