For the past five years, I struggled with death and the loss of loved ones. I think this is why, I partially have an interest in the paranormal, as a means to find the answers to life after death. I have lost so many people in my life at almost half my lifetime already that I have lost count. I could not move on in the UK, the prospect of losing people was too much, and living amongst the constant reminders cut too deep into my psyche.



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How I cope with death, compared to how I coped with death.

Last year I had lost a dear friend to cancer. It was sudden, I had spoken to her in February and had been trying for weeks to get in touch with her, but I had no success. She knew I was moving, so she knew it was important I kept contact with her. I thought it was strange, that she was not returning my calls, my emails and facebook messages and I knew something was wrong. I managed to get in touch with her sister ,who broke the news that she was diagnosed with lung cancer and a brain tumour.

Two weeks later she had crossed over and even though I was upset, I found that I was able to deal with the grief so much better here. I was able to detach myself and remember truly the great times that we had together. I was so torn about going to the UK, to pay my respects that I decided not to. Instead on the day of the funeral, I drove up to the mountains and found a spot with a breath taking view. I just sat and listened to the silence and took it all in, I did not feel upset about it, I felt more at peace. My beliefs have changed an awful lot since I have grown older, I would like to say wiser too and I feel that my belief system helps me to put things like this into perspective.



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My belief system has changed a lot.



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Now this is my belief, it might not be yours but I want to share with you what I believe in; to see if you can understand how this helps me cope with death. For one thing I believe that the word death is actually disrespectful. Something that dies, ceases to exist because that then becomes nothing it is not there any more. I don’t believe this is the case, all those memories the feelings you have felt the moments you have lived just gone. Genetic make up our DNA just vanishes? That cannot be right, there has to be a reason for existence. Did you ever stop to think about our anatomy and how biologically perfect we are. Nearly every part of our human design is perfect, its function and where everything fits there is a reason for its existence to help us live. I mean such a perfect design has to have a blue print like if you were making a car, but where is it kept? It is my belief that whilst we are here in a physical form, we are in fact extensions of non physical form, so in other words our physical form has a life span, but our non physical comes from a larger source that is infinite and sublime. There is so much I could write on the subject and I may do one day, but today is not that day I just wanted to make you aware of where I stand on the subject.



Today I saw my first dead corpse.



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When I wrote that heading I felt so disrespectful, but I am asking myself why? Many cultures and religions hold great honour to the dead, as a mark of respect. But why the body I wonder? What significance does the body hold other than to contain the person, that was inside of it. Why are we so adamant on the things we see and touch and not the things that we feel? Why do animals deal with the loss of their fellow primates differently than we do as humans. People might answer that because we are top of the food chain, it has to be more than that, could it be infinite intelligence and if so does that not confirm my beliefs more about a source of consciousness collectively?
In all of the funerals I have been to, I have never seen the body, I have never been asked ,but I have never wondered or questioned about it.

A few days ago our neighbour explained that the tradesman a few houses from us, his father had passed the night before. I knew here in Bulgaria, funerals were operated differently to that of the uk. For example its a very personal thing, the women will wash and dress the body, they will prepare food and flowers for the relative which will go to the cemetery with them. The men will make the coffin and prepare the ground for the coffin, to be laid into at the cemetery.

We had been to town this morning, to get some things we needed before more snow was set to fall. When we got back, we noticed a line of cars and people waiting in the lane. We knew that this was in relation to the funeral that was going to be happening, as we had seen the grave being dug on the way to town. A little while later we heard the cars start and knew that they were all heading off, so we stood by the window to silence the dogs, when I looked out I saw a truck carrying the coffin and it was an open casket.



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I took a long look at the body while it passed, I did not feel shocked at all or horrified, but I was equally not surprised when people told me that when you look at a body that had passed on it was a shell. Now I understand why they say that. I remember the man briefly walking past and waving on a couple of occasions and this did not look like him. It made me wonder also, does the soul give us the features we have and the way we look, our expressions and personality. These features appeared to be missing, kind of like a mannequin, lifeless but never looking like it was alive in the first place. This makes me wonder why then do we hold on to the physical so much, when really what we see and hear does not come from the physical, it does not touch us on an emotional level. It is the feelings we endure from the person ,on an emotional level not on a physical level. Even making love is a pleasurable thing but we get the pleasure from the feeling of the touch everything is centered around how we fee but do we mistake that to the physicality of it? We can just be assured that it is coming from them by relying on our physical senses.

It is my understanding, that now the funeral has happened the wake will not be for 40 days. Because Bulgarians believe, that this is the time for the soul to be prayed for the forgiveness of sins and to help them with their ascension into heaven. Family members may set a place at the table for them, even though they are not there any longer in physical form. They may also talk to them, so not to make them annoyed about feeling left out. Once the 40 days has passed a huge celebration will be had, celebrating their life and they joy they brought to family and friends.

I thought it was a beautiful gesture and when I look at how they handle death, they deal with it remarkably well. Deep down I think they share a similar belief, that they already recognise themselves as higher beings. It gives me a feeling of peace and acceptance about the prospect of death, that there does not need to be so much morbidness around the subject. Because we are returning, to what we already are. We are simply moving on, we are and were here for a purpose, to bring joy to the wonderful people we meet, to learn all there is we can learn, and then to add it to the collective conscious because life and everything about life is forever evolving there is no end to it.



(Credit Pixabay)

Whilst I feel this post has been and extremely deep post for me to write, at the same time it really helped me to put some perspective on the subject for me. If I die an old man and no one knew me it does not matter, what is important is the peoples lives I have touched and it is those who will remember me, that is where I created the difference and that makes me feel good.

Thank you for reading

xoxo

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