I was doing a bit of a spring clean and realised I have a problem. Or maybe just an obsession. I'm addicted to perfume.

Isn't it weird how smells can affect us? A well-designed smell can make us feel romantic, happy, sexy, special or just plain nasty. Here's a little tour of my perfume.

What a hideous bottle! Left to my own devices, I'd never even pick this up to have a trial sniff. It's now amongst my favourite perfumes of all time though! This was a present from one of my dearest friends. I can't buy this in the UK. Anyway, the perfume is bright, unique and really feels like the smell of love (not the rampant sweaty kind) and happiness. When I wear this perfume, I feel special and interesting.

Relegated to room fresheners

One was bought in Lidl after reading reviews that it won all kinds of smell test surveys. Meh! It's not disgusting but it's better as a room freshener. Generally, I don't wear these but just squirt the room with them.

Dog farts

If you've got flatulent dogs, live in a cold climate and cannot keep the windows open all day, it's wise to keep a lesser-loved perfume on standby.

The following can not even be used as a room freshener...

Warning

The Viv Westwood perfume is great for people who like their own space on public transport. It's practically guaranteed to give you a personal safe zone of about 3 metres if the windows are open; if the windows are closed, you'll get the whole bus to yourself. It's powerful, zingy, sickly floral and actually causes the eyes to water immediately after application. The only known use is for spraying children that are prone to wandering off. You will find them by smell, no problem.

I hate this perfume and want to kick its face in. It was a random online purchase. The bottle and review tricked me into thinking I'd like it. I don't even use it to battle dog farts although I'm sure it would win. I'd carry it as pepper spray if I wasn't afraid it would break in my bag.

Another online purchase. Will I ever learn? Probably not. Ok, these ones are quite nice. The Hugo Boss is very pleasant and good for daytime shopping.

The Michael Kors one is a bit pongy at first but it mellows out after half an hour or so to something quite decent, if a little too musky.

Sex

How about some sexy and decadent pungency? Aromatics is not for a first date (unless, maybe, you're a Tinder kinda girl)! It's sex in a bottle, basically. If things were going well romantically, this bad boy would be empty by now.

I used to buy the other Aromatics (Elixir). It's really powerful. A little goes a long way. It's a clean, fresh smell. Unfortunately, I had to give up on it because a woman with eye-wateringly-bad body odour wore it during a banquet. I had to eat an entire meal within smell range. The mixture of BO and Aromatics brought me close to vomiting and I could never wear this fragrance again. Probably an association response. Come on, smelly bastards; take a shower before you ruin my perfumes!

By the front door emergency stash

Sometimes, in a rush, it's easy to forget to top up your perfume. So, I keep a little stash on the shelf by my front door. These are for those unprepared, dashing out moments. Going out without perfume would be almost the same as going out naked (for me).

Loris is a copycat perfume I bought in Turkey last October. I never take my good perfumes on holiday and always pick up a cheap one to get me through the trip. To my great sadness, I forgot which perfume it's supposed to be ripping off. I would definitely buy the real thing if I could remember. Oh, it's lovely. One of my favourites. It's subtle, feminine, decent (life goalzzz).

I've always liked Karma by Lush and it's cheap. It's got a really confident and happy smell. I spray it in bath water because it's too strong to wear straight but I love it watered down this way.

Worries about chemicals

Yes, most perfumes are laced with chemicals so I make my own home brew. I use a base mix oil and add drops of essential oils. These are good for moisturising after bathing. The essential oils I always use are: mysore sandalwood, ylang ylang and jasmine but I often add others too.

Favourite

Lacoste Pour Femme. I've bought this regularly for over ten years now. It's my favourite daytime perfume. It's clean, mellow and professional. I always feel feminine when I wear this.

So, there you go. My life smells.

Thanks for reading.

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Unless otherwise stated, all pics in my blog are either mine or freely available online, labelled for reuse and doctored by me.