In search of my moment -- Trying to find my groove again - a #payitforward post
It's been a few days since I've posted anything.
I think I've lost my groove and I'm trying to find it again.
I think I've lost my groove and I'm trying to find it again.
Created in SnapChat & edited in MS PaintHave you seen me anywhere?
Years end is generally difficult for me. I think it's probably a cyclical thing now that I think about it. When I was younger I often fell ill around the holidays. As I got older I fought off the dark place because of loss and perhaps a bit of survivor's guilt. (You can read about fighting off the dark place during the holidays if you'd like.)
On Monday almost two weeks after Lucy died unexpectedly, I lost yet another of my precious fur babies.
Mr. Bear
G-Bear was a gentle giant and so super sweet. He was another ferret that I had rescued and he was nearly 8-years old, so I suspect the big guy died of old age. This leaves me with two mature ferrets: Twilight and Bandit. I guess my only comfort is that I've given them all a good home - but that doesn't stop the hurt in my heart.
Trying to find inspiration
This Is Your Moment
Produced by Kent Frost @winstonwolfe
This video should be trending, man! WTF?!?
But inspiration potentially comes from all sources. I feel like I'm on hold because I'm inspired to begin my own 1-second a day video compilation...and I'm going to launch it on my birthday: December 31. I'm also inspired by @lloyddavis to begin vlogging again. I haven't seriously gotten in front of a camera to chat since Blab disappeared.
My husband and I had plans to launch our own podcast called Adulting Badly, but when we found ourselves nearly homeless through unfortunate circumstances, we've simply been in "survival mode".
You've been there, right? It's when you look at your day and have to say:
- Just breathe
- I just need to make it through the day
- This won't last forever
- We'll be all right
- I'm fine...
I'm finally to a point where I see a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. I'm breathing a little easier. I know good things are coming. At least I have to believe that good things are coming.
In my post Who would you be if there was nothing to stop you? I wrote about my dream home, the dream job, and my wants. I don't require much. I'm fairly easy-going and low maintenance but I'm losing patience, I guess.
Aspirations
When I was in my 20s and 30s, I had a number in my head and a mantra. When I hit 40 I'm gonna... It was a wish list of accomplishments. I've hit some and missed most of them. sigh
40 came and went and now I'm staring age 45 in the face. And what have I done? Where am I now?
A bitter truth
I can lament all I want. At the highest point of frustration I would say:
"I didn't sign up for this life!"
But the truth is:
With every conscious decision, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I just need to quit bitching, keep breathing, and have my eye on the next milestone. Age is just a number. No one is living my life for me. Basically, I need to get out of my own way and Just Be.
Come frolic with me 'til the New Year!
This is a 50/50 post.Click here to read more about my #payitforward initiative
image source
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I love this quote "With every conscious decision, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be." - so true. Everything you choose to do ripples into eternity. What you did in the past affects you now. What you do now affects you in the future.
Good thing is its never too late to start on the path that leads you where you want to be. The best time to plant a tree was 50 years ago, the second best time is now - as they say.
All the best @merej99 :D
Everytime I start to stew about how much life I've let pass without doing something I wanted to do, I remind myself how may great creatives didn't get started until my age or later. It's never too late to go for your desires.
Hello my dear friend @ merej99 I have not worked in dependency relationship for two years, I have dedicated to work in liena, you will be surprised if I tell you how many pages I have not paid my work, in these two years I have sold the Things that had some value, never stop fighting and give you luck, now, I'm going a little better, it's hard but it comes out, it's fine for what you're going through.
Forces do not fall, you can only leave where you are, however if I can do something for you count on me.
I have been in a SteemIt funk also. My last two posts didn't do well, and when I thought about them later, I thought they got what they deserved. Dang it.
I am pondering today, how do I show up at a higher level.
Good article. Thank you.
When I'm 'lost' I draw myself a map or plan of where I need/want to go (with lots of images). I then work back from the centre/top putting in stages and starting points. In the end it may not be the journey I eventually take, but having a plan gives me a point to start.
Oh, this is a brilliant idea @opheliafu
Maybe doing something like this will help me get back to drawing again -- something I haven't done since starting my new PT job.
And, I would love to see one of your maps one of these days, if it's something you're willing to share. It could inspire several of us because judging from the comments, I'm not the only one in a funk. XOXOX
I was going to do a drawing workshop in the new year. Not a 'how to draw' workshop but one of my 'draw to visualise' workshops. I guide people to visualise and plan aspirations through drawing.
Excellent!
I hear ya sister. I know how you feel.
Sorry about your G Bear and your hurt heart.
....and your lack of motivation./inspiration/get going ness...and whatever else is bugging you right now. You talk about doing this or that when you reach a certain age milestone and it reminded me of the number of times I'd hear from the Mr. that if he could go back in time he'd change this or that...and I'd say, if you could go back and change "A" then you could change "A" in the now....such sage wisdom coming from me says I.
Creative people need to have a vacation, time to self soothe, recharge, and just be quiet for a bit. It's true - I know these things.
Exhale my friend.
I'm sitting here in my red shirt and khaki pants getting ready for work...trying to write one more comment and read one more blog. And I'm exhaling and telling myself I'm not tired.
When I was younger, I think I was motivated by a certain amount of ageism, not in a discriminatory sense but more in the mindset that at X age this and this is accomplished. And having hit that age without hitting those markers feels like decades of disappointment in myself. I know that's stupid because sh*t happens and there are positive things that have happened. I need to focus on those instead of the Would've Could'ves.
My hubby often says the same - if he could go back and...whatever. But if we do that, we might not have reunited. Who knows?!? He's a light in my life.
And I've been in a Netflix coma the last 2 nights watching Lie To Me of all shows! LOL It's time to start doodling again. Tomorrow...after I sleep in...and have coffee. :D Thank you Deborah XOXOX
Lie to Me? lol....that actor buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugzzzzz me. Yup. A. Lot. He has a tic and that's all I can see - maybe he can't help it now that I think about it.....oh well. He still bugs me. I loved the show but it didn't last probably bc of said actor. I used to like the Mentalist though - have you seen that one?
I get what you are saying about reaching your upcoming birthday and IT being THE age where you SHOULD have done A,B, and Z. Knowing when to fold up with some of your plans and pursuits is part of the fun of getting older....(can you hear a song?) Someone once told me, recently again, that I need to stop "shoulding on myself". I know...how rude!
What I've learned.....TIL - #orwhatever - live today's stuff and let go of yesterday's stuff bc you can't have a do over and don't worry about tomorrow's stuff - it hasn't been ordered yet. And exhale....always drop your shoulders and exhale....then have coffee. :)
Looking forward to some doodles !!!!! even if it's one line....it'll be fabulous.
I feel like there are changes going on in the background that I dont know about. My feeds seem way diffrent.
I've definitely been there an currently I am there. We just need to hang in there at take it one day at a time. FULL STEEM AHEAD!!!!
Condolences - losing one fur-baby is hard, but two in two weeks would be heart wrenching. Although that may not be the main driver behind what's going on for you, cut yourself some slack. Inspiration will come in time. xx