Movie Review: Skyscraper - The 80's Style Action Flick/Generic Money Spinner We Never Wanted

Hey Steemians

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the Cinemas (after Rampage), guess again, it's not! The Rock is back with another big budget, big action, big muscle movie this time with a big building, oooh I like big buildings, please take my money!

What is Sky-crapper, I mean Skyscraper about?

Will Sawyer (The Rock) is a former FBI agent and U.S. war veteran who now assesses security for skyscrapers. While he's on assignment in China, his tasked with evaluating the security and safty measures for the world's tallest and safest building EVER! Lo and behold this Titanic of a building catches on fire -- and he gets framed for it. Now a wanted man and on the run, he must find those responsible, clear his name and somehow rescue his family members when they become trapped inside the inferno and beat up a tonne of unnamed baddies a long the way.

Trailer for Skyscraper

Tall, Dark & Handsome! Yes this building is a stunner!

The Rock is the closest thing we have to a living breathing Super human. We've seen this play out in previous movies and since no human adversary is any match for The Rock, he must now take on non-human adversaries, first it was giant monsters in Rampage now its a Giant building, I'm hoping he takes on the Giant Tax bill and the countries debt soon as a super musclar accountant, that movie I would pay to see.

This time, he's taking on a building. But not just any building. He's taking on a skyscraper-the most formidable and the most phallic of all buildings, also his character which name no one remembers because he simply plays The Rock in every film, but this time his doing it with one leg. I repeat The Rock has 1 leg this time, Oscar nomination on the cards anyone?

My thoughts on Skystinker

If from my previous rants you get the idea that this movie sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. The story is largely ridiculous, and although The Rock never actually fights the building (because it's a building), the danger that the building poses is a much greater threat than any posed by the actual villains of this film. I do have to mention that physics doesn't always apply in this movie but dammit The Rock isn't scared of physics, he isn't scared of anything.

Apart from The Rock, the movie co-stars Neve Campbell. Does anyone Remember her from Scream and perhaps House of Cards? Well, she plays the generic wife in this movie and takes down her share of bad guys along the way, fearlessly defending her kids. Between her, The Rock and the building no one else gets significant screen time for me to mention.

While there are a million and one plot holes, that's definitely not something you're supposed to look for in this movie. Certain movies are not meant to be dissected, and one involving a man jumping from one tall structure across the sky into a much taller structure that's on fire, is certainly one of them.

This movie is itself inherent silliness, yet it also attempted several awkward jokes which really fall flat, damn they were so cheesy and cringe. When characters followed up with "I'm kidding." That's usually a reliable indicator that the joke bombed terribly.

An 80's action flick with 2018 visuals

I grew up on cheesy action movies of the late 80s and early 90s which were all about strong men kicking the bad guys' butts while surviving the impossible situations. Very often that formula also included families. Die Hard, Commando, Rambo... need I go on? As movies matured and audiences demanded more to be entertained, this exact kind of them somehow became obsolete.

Like any typical 80's action movie the villains are lame, cardboard cutout characters. They're evil because they're evil-no explanation given, no effort. They are just punching bags the hero hits on his path to victory.

As for the hero, there's not much to mention, The Rock's characters isn't anyone other than The Rock. The only thing here distinguishing him from the characters he plays in other movies, is his love for duct tape. This is a very pro-duct tape movie.

This movie has all the characteristics of an 80's Action flick made with 21st-century visual effects. The Rock is the classic Macho man and uses every last ounce of his strength to accomplish the impossible feat of saving his family trapped in the world's tallest building. The end!

Keep the Chinese market happy

If you want to ensure you return ROI on a mediocre movie you need 3 things, Good CGI, The Rock and involve China in some way and this movie does all of this flawlessly.

If you want to sell tickets in the east, set the movie in China, tell them how great they are and their achievements and slap some good old Chinese product placement in for good measure, oooh Sharp TV's ooooh Baidu searching hmmm.

This is a common tactic used to elevate the status of movies and we've seen this gimmick play out in plenty of films over the last couple of years. The Martain, Karate Kid, The Great Wall, Iron-man 3, Transformers 4 & plenty more.

Check your intellegence at the door

If you're looking for something thought provoking then you're in the wrong cinema, this movie is what we refer to in South Africa as a "Skop, skiet and donder" (Kick, shoot & fight) film and that exactly what you're going to get. So make sure the popcorn is fresh and enjoy some good old butt kicking action.

I give this movie a 5 out of 10 and no, you're not getting any more!

Have your say

Have you seen Skycrapper? What did you think of the movie? Can you slap The Rock on any script and it's going to be a box office hit? Let me know in the comments

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