Highlighting life
Have you ever had someone draw attention to your failings? Has anyone ever highlighted them in fluorescent yellow making them more visible than they were before? If so how did you take it? Were you upset, annoyed, embarrassed? Mostly I think people don't like having their failings highlighted although in reality is it not a good thing?
Imagine a person plodding along in life doing things a particular way, maybe not the best way, but in a manner that works. Then along comes someone who objectively observes the other, points out some improvements and makes life a whole lot easier for the other person. How could that be bad?
I believe constructive criticism and evaluation is not a bad thing at all and am always pleased to receive it. Sure, it needs to be delivered in the correct manner however if that's done I always find it to be of value. I'm open to learning, adapting and improving. Many are not, but fortunately it works for me. Unsolicited advice on the other hand is not as well received.
I think it's interesting how constructive input and unsolicited advice run parallel and depending on the delivery can be generally, even gladly, accepted or can indeed be received poorly. Either way though, I believe highlighting one's good and bad points, success and failure and areas for improvement, re-training or elimination in oneself can assist in a person's life-journey deepening and broadening the possible results and outcomes.
I find it interesting how Unsolicited advice is not welcome but Unsolicited praise is always acceptable.
Yes, there is that. I guess it comes down to the relationship between the advisor and advisee. I suppose it's situational.
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I'm often thinking about how to best couch criticism... as a musician and a teacher, I'm always trying to balance the way (public/private) to best persuade a colleague in a rehearsal or to best guide a student in lessons. At least both situations are situations where criticism is expected.. however, even then... there are ways to do it that influence the impact that your criticism will make to the end result. Ultimately, it might be tempting to bare all and to do it in a public way... but it is often counter-productive and results in nothing more than some public grand-standing at the cost of the dignity of the receiver of the "advice".
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It's a touchy subject with some people and in my opinion advice needs to be given carefully. I've seen people ask for it then take offence if the advice doesn't line up with their own thoughts, crazy but true. I think it's situational meaning a person needs to choose the right moment and of course, the right advice.
I try to put it back on the person...Say they ask "should I leave my job or not." That's not a decision for me to make and I think deep down most would already know the answer and are just looking for validation or confirmation of their own thinking. I would normally say, "what are your options" and make them list those. Once done I typically ask them again, "what are you going to do?" Roll that process out enough times and they eventually come up with a decision and move on citing how much of a good listener I am.
I'm not a huge fan of delivering advice to many people, outside of the parameters above, as the advice is often not well-received.
Thanks for featuring my post @bengy, much appreciated.
Delivery is so important. A large percentage of the time a curt delivery is done intentionally, which does reflect how the deliverer feels about the person. A lack of respect in the tone is really all a person needs to know before even hearing words that weren't chosen well. Either way it is presented, I agree it is helpful, even it if is only because it teaches you to have a thicker skin.
Sometimes people just need a prompt to get them headed in the right direction and bringing certain things to their attention may do the job. I don't mind taking advice, after all, being open to learning, even if it's learning about myself and what I'm doing wrong, has helped shape me as a person, my career and who I am to myself and others. It's been helpful. On the other hand I'm not one to accept unsolicited advice very well.
A few years ago I bought a prestige car, a white one, and a few days later pulled up at a café I used to frequent a lot. The young girl who brought my coffee most days popped out with my drink and asked me it the car was mine. I said yes. She said, "you should have got a black one." Hmm...Maybe some unsolicited advice I could have gone without.
She was young though, 19 at the time, and it's typical. As it turns out, last year I bought a car from her as she works at a new car dealership now. We are good friends and she asks me for advice here and there...Funny how things go huh?
Anyway, thanks for replying. :)
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I really believe it's all in the delivery @allover :) Solicited and constructive criticism, thoughtfully and respectfully given, is always a good thing.
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Ah, constructive criticism is often mistaken for hate... but I guess that's because people's cognitive dissonance doesn't allow them to accept that they are wrong. 😛
That's why sometimes it's better to leave people alone and bang with their heads on the wall. That's the only way they will ever learn.
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Constructive is the key word. The majority of the time even with unsolicited advice it is in the approach. How you speak to a person is what will make or break a situation. Sometimes though, those of us that do see a 'better way' need to be mindful of the other person. Maybe there is a reason behind their madness.
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