It's A Pain In The Ass Being An Empath
Today, I went downstairs to the property management office to discuss Dude with the representative. I got there right as she was arriving. I asked her how she was doing and she told me some homeless guy spat on her car while she was getting gas and started swearing at her.
I was in my pajamas and she commented about how I am still in pain from the car accident. She began to confide in me about how she was in that wreck a few weeks ago and her back still hurts and her knee - she has not called the insurance companies, a lawyer, gone to get an xray - or done anything for her body - and there I was - seeking help from HER??? WTF - I thought -
how do these people function in the world - and I do not????
This woman has a husband and a child and commutes 3 days a week far from here for her job and she can't even take care of herself and her son after a car wreck properly... I do not get it.
Me - I have a bulging disc and horrible sciatica - I can barely stand for more than 10 minutes and I live and caretake a manic depressive alcoholic who is in a manic episode and trying to evict me to move in his homeless buddy Joe...
How am I even alive??? I am not working at all and - have zero income - have no idea where the money is going to come from - and no idea where I am going to live ... AGAIN!!! My life is a drama-fest - constantly.
When or Will this every end??? I have grown a lot spiritually but I am still repeating the same old drama-rama that I have always had to have in my life so that nobody notices that I am not doing anything with my life because it is disguised by the extremely insane company I keep. And it's all so that I get away looking so good and so charitable - look at her how she's taking such good care of that poor s-o-b... she's so GREAT! Isn't she just so wonderful!!
I realize all this goes back to my childhood - my dad - here I am - ONE MORE TIME -trying to save the worst drunk in the room - how many times am I going to put myself in harm's way to try to save the impossibly damaged male???
I have been living with this Dude for 6 fucking years and I am DONE. I am disgusted with the VA because they don't consider this guy Gravely Disabled - what do you actually have to do to be considered that? Skip out into traffic...
Well that's what he is doing by trying to get rid of me! He won't stay homed for a second without me. He has case manager visits once every 6 months now. He doesn't shop for food. He doesn't cook when he's depressed. And when he's manic he likes to move into his car, or go sleep on the street with the other homeless people - then he accidentally picks up a drink and loses his housing and all his belongings AGAIN - yea - that's not at all Gravely Disabled...
Wow.
But it's none of my fucking business. It's God's business. I literally cannot live this way. i am starting to disintegrate. Tonite I spilled boiling hot soup onto my lap and crotch - good thing I had a potato in the pantry - and was able to makea potato poultice - because I screamed bloody murder when that fucking soup splashed onto my legs.
I am stressed beyond stressed.
I cannot stand up to clean the house so it is totally trashed. I can barely do one thing a day especially if it involves driving.
And I am reviewing my day and I realize that I am trying to save the impossible drunk - and have stayed for 6 years AGAIN - WHAT IS WITH THE 6 YEARS???
Mom used to say that I was a great kid till I turned 6 and then I became the Demon Seed. That's probably when I realized that my Dad was a notorious drunk who could not be helped and I went from loving him to hating him, and I am just playing out this pattern ever since.
Well, I am THROUGH. I am moving out of this situation. I am taking action, starting now to begin to get rid of all the stuff I have collected over the last 6 years that I do not use or need and paring down so that wherever I end up going, I won't have much to move.
I have a wonderful, healthy man in my life, and I guess I am going to move in with him, unless God has other plans. Section 8 told me that worst case scenario it would take 3 to 6 months to evict me - so i have plenty of time - if it even comes to that. Not the 6 days Dude thinks. He thinks he actually served me papers yesterday and I will be out NEXT THURSDAY.
What a fucking JOKE. I do feel extremely sad for his other self - but I am powerless over that. That's his Karma that he is paying off. God protects fools and drunks and he is both. I am quite sure he and I shared some past lives together - but this is the last we will be sharing together in this one.
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https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-the-true-story-of-2-people-who-needed-help-and-helped-each-other-chapter-1
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https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-3
https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-4
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-5
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaidchapter-6
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaidchapter-7
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-8
Sorry to hear you are having a crap time - I hope you have some better moments over Xmas - all your art in this post is really cool.
Best wishes from NZ - !tip 1
hay thanks - I just have to vent about this bullshit. I am going to move out of this apartment. I have finally realized that the Veteran's Admin is full of shit and are never going to help me with this situation - it's never going to get better and unfortunately, for my own sanity, I am going to have to get out of here. It's just a drag because I am a cripple at the moment so can't just jump up and split - I have to do it slowly -and with help from my friends. But thanks for your supportive thoughts...Blessings! hey - you might understand this - but since I know everything that is going on in the world - i no longer feel like I can do art - I just do not see the point. As the earth deteriorates and humans head purposefully toward extinction what is the fucking point of decoration??? tell me your experience with this...
Now that is a tricky question! There is a concept called FUDPORN - Fear Uncertainty and Doubt constantly being programmed into people from every possible source - at the low levels like "global warming" the psyop is obvious - but at the higher levels lke Agenda 2030 I think we are being deliberately fed a barrage of "the evil fuckers are going to turn us into zombies with 5g, vaccinate us to death, and implant chips into or bodies" - yes I think they would like to do all that, but a big part of their plan is to sap our will to live with FUDPORN - I was fully swept up in all that "they" are going to wipe us out, but now I'd say doing something inspiring and creative is the best antidote to fudporn.
PS - I've been having some issues with flag bots so I'm just going to do some test replies to your comment and see what happens.
Hmmm ~ that’s worth considering... I was “bored” before I learned what was going on... then I found Sigils which lasted 3 years and now I am “bored” again... but I will ask
myself- if all was well in the world- what would I do artistically... and see if I can find anything- dada was interesting for a little while but it did not hold my interest- mainly because of the difficulty in commenting- no way to have a conversation- and I’m not a fan of digital art. I like mixed media...but subject matter eludes me at the moment...
Comment from @frot with no self upvote seems OK
And comment from @sift666 with no self upvote seems OK as well - so far so good
But self upvote on @frot triggers flagging - Crossing fingers for self upvote on @sift666 now
🎁 Hi @in2itiveart! You have received 1.0 STEEM tip from @sift666!
Check out @sift666 blog here and follow if you like the content :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
Co-dependency relationships. Hope you find yourself through your beautiful artwork again 💭
Posted using Partiko iOS
Yea I wouldn't call it by that term - I am going to write a post about that term because it is a term that means nothing - it is not possible really for me to be dependent upon another person's dependence. Instead, if continued passed the true desire to be helpful, it is me using that person's dependence as a selfish act to disguise my own lack of dependence on God as an altruistic gesture, the chaos of which distracts me from actualizing my own potential-
In this case, this person asked me for help and I followed my spiritual advisor in attempting to help this person and create an environment for them in which they could receive spiritual help and they chose not to throw themselves into the help offered - it's come full cycle and I can now see how if I continue to try to help them, it is not beneficent to my spiritual growth. We both helped each other at the time and now it has come to an end.
As for my artwork - yea - that's another story -