The Secret to Success with Women

in #love7 years ago (edited)

I read a post by @amiramnoam yesterday that made me rage. I don't often rage, but when I do? I start typing. A lot. His post, titled "A few tips for the amateurs for good dates, how to attract the women on the other side of the table", was full of rather pretentious and ineffective advice for "amateurs" at "attracting" women. I replied to that post with quite a bit of anger, but now that I have calmed my tits down, I can give some insight in a post of my own.

You don't have to read the post linked above to benefit from my insight, but if you do - just know that I disagree with every single word. No offence, @amiramnoam , you know I love you.

Dating as a profession

First of all, I am not sure what the difference is between an amateur and a professional in this regard. To me, a person who treats relationships as a job and the number of women he had sex with as a kind of trophy, is a rather sad person. They may not go to sleep alone, but they are lonely and disconnected, often unable to have a stable relationship as they are on a constant race to add more conquests to their list.

I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy. Some of them, having written bullshit guides and crappy best-sellers, ended up getting married and having kids at a younger age than most of their readers.

Does that mean they're "professionals"? Or perhaps, retired professionals? More importantly, what is it that made them stop skipping from one girl's bed to the next, and finding the love of their lives? My guess? They met someone they didn't perceive the way they perceive other potential partners.

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The simple truth

If you look around you, you might find that those who attract more female attention and achieve this so-called "success" with women are those who are generally more successful. You may claim that it is their overall success that attracts women, but I beg to differ. Women are drawn to power, but so are men. Women are drawn to money and luxury, but who isn't? Maybe buddhist monks.

Perhaps it is my perspective as pansexual that causes me to see relationships the way I do. My attraction is pretty gender-blind - I am attracted to people, not reproductive systems and so I date men, women and genderqueer persons. Perhaps that is why I wholeheartedly believe that:

To succeed with women, stop trying to succeed with WOMEN. Try succeeding with PEOPLE instead.


Just one little warning, though: this might make you a feminist by definition.


Now you might be thinking "But men and women are different!"

We are. Every woman is different, just as any man is different. There is no one recipe or magic trick to attracting women or men. Being attractive is about successfully drawing positive attention from those you want to attract.

Here is an example. Consider how you would interact with a person who was interviewing you for a magazine article. Now consider how you would interact with that person on a date, since they happen to be of the gender you are attracted to. You might think your goals are different in these situations, but they really aren't. Your goal is to impress the person sitting across from you. To interest, fascinate and draw in whoever you choose to whether you're trying to get a job or a blowjob.

(Image via Pixabay)

Why you should look past gender

One of the main reasons most pickup books and courses don't really work is that things aren't quite what they used to be. As gender norms shift and change, some find themselves lost in attempt to attract the attention of the opposite sex with outdated "tricks" and behaviors that might end up having unwanted consequences. Many miss them olden times when ladies were ladies and men were men, and the days when courting was a fairly straight-forward ritual, in which the women were usually passive and men aggressive.

Nostalgia is all good and fine, but times they are a-changing. If 100 years ago traits like aggression and physical strength were desirable in a male companion, more and more women today seek out men that are superior in intelligence and emotionally mature. Sure, we still like a man to be good-looking and fit, but looks or physical strength are not the traits necessary for overall success in 2018. So it's no wonder more and more women are looking to date sensitive nerds over macho bodybuilders.

(Image via Pixabay)

But aren't women still different from men because of biology?

No, we really aren't. We're not some magical riddle wrapped in an enigma and our farts smell as bad as yours. We're people, just like you, except our hormonal balance is different. And you know what? While you're sitting there, on your first date, wondering what to say or do to impress? The woman sitting across from you is doing the same exact thing. And she's just as anxious and uncertain. Perhaps more, as our gender is more likely to get raped on a date than yours. Sad but true - rape statistics are making your date nervous.

So put away all those pick-up artists nonsense tips and tricks and focus on learning two things: communicating effectively (which is a helpful skill in success in everything) and seeing beyond your date's gender (and your goals to get laid).

I fully expect many to disagree, and am looking forward to a discussion in the comments!

(Image via Pixabay)

Notes and extras:

Merry Christmas to those of you Steeming through the holidays! May love and light fill your homes and hearts today and all year long.

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This is so epic and beautiful!!!!! I think from your analogy "think of it like an interview".

If you want to "win" in the dating interview

  1. Present your best self, physically and emotionally
  2. Prepare by learning as much as you can about the company/date before interview
  3. Practice asking and answering sample questions.
  4. During: show that youve heard and understood by responding appropriately-- but dont fake it. If you are confused-- say so!! Ask questions!
  5. Bring materials that give a preview of what its like to date you; Thoughtful gifts may or may not apply. Its up to you.
  6. Dont over sell or talk tooo much. Notice i didnt mention genders. This works for women and men and genderqueer persons. Try to notice the persons expression. If they are engaged or if they are lost or if they are bored. Men and women have the same facial expressions unless there is a cognitive/ brain health issue.
    If you are honest with yourself and what you like you will find the right company and that company will find you.

Important pre- interview : you must apply for many companies that suit you. Get to know them first. Where can you find them? Anyplace where similar interests can be found. How to approach? Ask questions. Smile. Be friendly.

Girl, this sounds like the start of a post. Title: Acing the most important interview of your life

Haha . Lol. If only i could takd me own advice. I am terrible at interviews and also dates!! Lol.

I've actually gotten better at dates since I got married.

If i were to do it it would involve drawrings and comedy.

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Personally, I think pick-up artists and garbage men should switch descriptions, more accurate imho

lololol
Perfect. Yes.

I loved the statement you made about "not trying to succeed with women, but succeed with people". That is honestly the best way to go about life and great words of encouragement for people that are struggling in this regard.

<3
Thank you!

"I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy" it is true, I have a friend who does it and he is happy.

Well, I am happy for him. Still seems like a very lonely existence. Perhaps it's what some prefer.

But you have a nice post. Thumbs up

To succeed with women, stop trying to succeed with WOMEN. Try succeeding with PEOPLE instead.
@techslut

I tried but fuck, I'm shy and awkward and super quiet. What do I do?

To succeed with women, one must understand the fundamentals of the game. I highly recommend to arm yourself with the basic language and body arsenal. One must read some @neilstrauss.

The only thing I found to be super easy and consistent success is: You've got to be willing to talk to women in places where they are actively trying to find a man.

Find girls who are into that. :)

I agree but nothing beats money above all techniques.

Before that though, the very first step of success would be to actually notice people that are interested in you. I guarantee that everyone on this planer has someone interested in them, and they don't know it.

Yessssssss. And stop looking for them in bars!!! 🙈

Ermahgerd @limabeing, YES! I mean, okay, I met my husband of 13 years in a bar. He was working the door and I'd gone there to celebrate a job offer coming through, but I wasn't looking for longterm relationships through the bar/club scene. I have a 'friend' who has spent the past decade bemoaning his inability to find a woman who is family oriented, wants to settle down and have kids, can hold an intelligent conversation, and is faithful. This same 'friend' meets every woman he beds in clubs, drunk, high, and the first thing he has to tell you about her is her tit size. Oh! And if she doesn't "put out" the first night he doesn't bother calling her again. Fine, if what you're looking or is an excellent set of knockers that's usually drunk and always easy. But don't come crying to me when that criteria doesn't net you Donna fucking Reed!

You know where I found the hotness that is @poet ? Online argument about smoking laws in Israel. I pissed him off something wicked. And now his mine, and I am his, and I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.

Well, that depends. If you really like going to bars, and not just to try and pick up partners, then you could potentially meet someone that matches your interests in a bar.

If you like board games though, go to a board game meetup. Like yoga? Go do yoga. Like poetry? going to a poetry reading.

Very likely, that. And requires some confidence.

Very well written. I can't really add much more other than we as humanity are lagging far behind in many issues, like gender equality. "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people". You can't say it better. We are all humans after all, but media, education, religions, advertisement, society are subtly or not-so-subtly reinforcing the old notions of separation and female servitude. :'(
Love the last picture, it seems like an easter egg to me cause it can be interpreted in many ways and fits the article perfectly.

Ah, I was hoping someone would get the last picture. <3

I love this article. I hate this notion of women as mysterious creatures that need to be conquered. Women are people. And yes, you may be attracted to me because I have tits and a vagina, but if you don't treat me like a person, then you are doomed from the start. I agree that we have to move on from the old fashioned notion that men somehow rule over women and that if men follow a long list of tips, they can "make" a woman have sex with them. Because that is what these "dating tips" always comes down to. Not whether you can find someone to spend you life with but whether you can get the woman in bed.

wisdom right here!

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