Finding Your True Love / Marriage Advice
How do we find our true love?
"In marriage, you shouldn't look for someone with good looks and character. You look for someone with low expectations." - Charlie Munger
A woman or man with high expectations will never be pleased and you will spend your life being miserable trying to jump through hoops to please him or her. Unless you want to spend your life living with someone who is never happy, a low-expectation spouse is a great way to go. The opposite is true in business, if you have low expectations for your workers, they will never rise up to the occasion. Why isn't this true for marriage? Because marriage is not a job.
It is so interesting that Charlie Munger has these theories and they make perfect sense! This relates completely to his quote about "The more you know you don't know, the more you are willing to learn." It is coming to a sense or letting down your guard, ego, or vulnerability. When you know you are not the smartest, you will be open to learn more. When you know you do not deserve some perfect human being and lower your expectations or standards, you have choices now and can see them.
Perfect example with my love
Just before I met my soul mate, an absolute amazing girl for me and us as a couple (Now dating for almost 6 years). I told myself "Who am I to deserve the most beautiful girl with all the perfect background story", as we all want to have, at first, that picture picture spouse and life. This prevents us from giving people a chance, getting to know them, judging books by their cover and so on.
I started to tell myself that I wasn't special and shouldn't be judging people like I am something better. Then the most beautiful thing happened. I found my love and she was better than I ever pictured! This is the only way to find somebody truly great for you, in my opinion. Once you drop down the physical and materially wants, you can now open your eyes to see all.
Are there any Steemians that have been married that can attest to this theory?
@bitdollar
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We should definitely be careful about whom we share our life with. I think low expectation can mean we are settling and compromising the things we want in a partner. But if you mean as in not expecting them to be superhuman, then I completely agree! I think we are on the same page about not choosing a life partner for their looks or the size of their bank account. Many have those two, but live miserable and vain lives full of conflicts! When I was getting married, these two were not deciding factors because the success of marriage doesn't depend on them. Thanks for sharing!
Wow great points added here! Don't you think everything is a bit grey or black in white? As in, almost everything can be right in wrong. It all depends on what you take from it. Such as this example of not having expectations or standards but obviously we need our partners to be a certain way or on the same page to some degree as us.
No worries! I agree, not everything is straightforward so it does depend on a lot of factors. Like you said, partners should be on the same page, or at least the same book. lol
Lol yeah!
Six years man! That's incredible.
Btw cool bot to use.
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Precisely yes. Over-expectations ruins the beauty of relationship. At the same time, to not expect anything from your partner would neither be a good sign.
Great point I agree!
nice advices
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
After being married for a year and a half now, I would add that you still want to have high expectations of each other because it will help you grow together and build your relationship. The issue is when these expectations are not communicated. Most of the conflicts in long term relationships are rooted in unmet expectations.
So have as high of expectations as you want of each other, but be sure to communicate them. You'll probably rethink how high they are!
Congrats on six years together. Here's to many more!
Yes I agree with you 100%. I think it is more so in the initial stages of finding somebody then as you said you want to have high expectations as long as your on the same page. If you are not on the same page...you might need a new book. :D
Thanks so much for sharing!
nice story
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