Adventures in Online Dating: The Frogs I've Kissed #1

Once Upon a Time I Created an Online Dating ProfileAnd Attracted All the Creeps in the Land...

I thought it be fun to tell a few stories about my experiences in the online dating world. And no better place to start than the beginning. My first online date...

Frog #1
His profile seemed sincere, although a tad on the serious side. The photo was cute, he had a nice smile. So we chatted on the app for maybe 15 minutes and he asked for my phone number. Being naïve, and totally unsure how this all worked (my last dating experience was 15 years prior) I said sure. He calls me right away, I'm at work, but we chat for maybe 20 minutes. I use the word "chat" loosely. He basically read me his resume, then asked if I wanted to meet up at a local dive bar. It was a place I knew of, but didn't frequent, so figured what the hell, ok I'll go.

We order drinks and the conversation is much better in person than it was on the phone. His smile was still nice, but his photos were probably 8-10 years outdated. I understand we all put our best photos forward, but this was a tad misleading. I'm not in the least superficial and the convo was good, so no big deal. It was pleasant but no butterflies or sparks. The second drinks come and we finish those pretty quickly. The waitress comes around asking if we'd like another and he declines. So I figure ok he's not into it, no harm done, it was a decent night. She brings the $16 bill.

He asked her to take it back and split it!

Now I have zero issues with going dutch. And I have no issues dating somebody that doesn't make a lot of money (I make my own) But $16? More than anything I feel bad for the extra work the waitress would have to go through. I mean, the tip off $16 was hardly worth it. So I say no, it's ok, and I pay the bill. We have a very polite goodbye, go our separate ways, and I assume that's the end of it.

20 minutes later I'm pulling into my driveway and I get a text message from Frog #1 asking if I wanted to come over. Ummm, no. Very next day he calls again, apologizes for the night before and asks if I'd like to go out again. I have no idea why, but I said sure. This time I show up to meet him and he's balls to the walls wasted. And much to my disappointment he's the macho, puffy chest, prove to everyone I'm a man's man type of drunk. Not my cup of tea. He's all over me asking me to come to his house. No. But I offer to order him an Uber to be sure he gets home safely. He agrees.

Over the next week or two there are a few text exchanges, but only polite small talk responses on my end. I do mention to him that I'm on a work trip and would be unavailable for the week. Thinking for sure a week of zero and he'd just go away. If not, I planned to tell him that this wasn't for me. I work a long day, get to the hotel bar with some customers and colleagues and see 16 messages from the dude. Yes, 16. He's asking where I am, if I'm out drinking, if there are men there, and asking me to not bring anyone back to my room with me. Really dude?

I ignore the messages. 3AM comes and my phone rings. I jump up, saw his number, so let it go to voice mail. I have this weird thing that I'm paranoid my alarm clock won't sound if I have my ringer set to vibrate even though I've tested it a dozen times and it does sound. But I can't trust it. So I have to keep the phone on. I'm too dumb at this point to think of blocking his number. So by the 8th or 9th call, I answer. Big surprise, he's drunk.

This is the part that should have scared me off from online dating forever....

He tells me that he's in love with me and wants to impregnate me

I immediately hang up the phone and finally come to my senses and blocked his number and also blocked his profile from contacting me on the site. Done and Over. Phew.

Now, the funny thing about online dating is the suspense. Wondering if you have messages, hoping that profile you really liked wrote you back. So the "game" of it all gets a little addictive. So naturally a few days later when I got back home I logged in to see what sort of attention had come in while I was gone.

I got messages from this guy under FOUR different profiles

Some of them were sweet (in his way) saying that he's very sorry and had too much to drink. Wants to try again and make it up to me. Others he called me a whore (although I never actually kissed this frog), a liar, a tease and anything else he can think of that might sting. On a positive note, I never gave him my last name, address, place of business, etc...

A year or so later I saw him on another dating site with several profiles under different names, with different photos.

So that was my first attempt at entering the dating world after being in a 15 year relationship. Crazy, but I did it reasonably safely and well, I guess we can say I got my first date out of the way.

There were a few more Frogs before I found my Prince. Stay tuned for more!

(Image is from a Google Image search)